she’d still be at his side.

“When they brought Jeremy in, I begged him to help us. I prom-

ised I’d do anything.”

“Anything?” Julia asked.

He shifted again. “I had no idea he was going to side with the

hearing officers and demand that I cease all contact with you. It was a rash promise made in a fit of desperation.”

Julia moved away from him. “What did he say?”

“He persuaded the committee to place me on administrative leave.

It was effectively a suspension, but they didn’t call it that in order to avoid tainting the department. I was also prohibited from supervising female graduate students for a term of three years.”

“I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”

He pressed his lips together. “I was told to end things with you

immediately and cease all contact. They said if I violated this condition, the agreement would be void and they would re-open the investigation, into both of us.” He paused, seemingly struggling for words.

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“If they thought I was a victim, why would they threaten to

investigate me again?”

Gabriel’s blue eyes cooled. “The Dean suspected you were tell-

ing the truth — that our relationship was consensual and that I was trying to save your reputation. He wasn’t about to let us go off into the sunset together. That’s why I sent you the email.”

“That email was cruel.”

Gabriel’s eyebrows knitted together. “I know. But since I was

sending it from my university account to your university account, I assumed you’d realize it was all for show. Have I ever spoken to you like that before?”

She gave him a challenging look.

He winced. “I mean, have I spoken to you like that since I real-

ized who you were?”

“Could the university really demand that you stop talking to me?”

Gabriel shrugged. “They did. The threat of Christa’s lawsuit was

hanging over all of us. Jeremy seemed to think that if I took a leave of absence that he could convince Christa to drop the lawsuit. And he did. But once again, he said that if he found out I was still seeing you, he wouldn’t lift a finger to help me.”

“That’s blackmail.”

“That’s academia. Christa’s lawsuit would have damaged the de-

partment, possibly irreparably. Jeremy would have lost the ability to recruit top faculty and students because people would hear that it wasn’t a safe place to be. I didn’t want to be embroiled in a scandal any more than he did, and I certainly didn’t want you hauled into

a courtroom as a witness.”

Gabriel cleared his throat, clearly struggling. “I agreed. Jeremy

and the Dean made it clear that they would interview you at the

end of the semester to see if I’d kept my promise. I had no choice.”

Julia toyed with the folds of her dress. “Why didn’t you tell me?

Why didn’t you demand a recess so you could explain what was

happening? We were a couple, Gabriel. We were supposed to work

together.”

He swallowed thickly. “What would have happened if I’d taken

you aside and explained what I was about to do?”

“I wouldn’t have let you go through with it.”

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“Exactly. I wasn’t going to allow you to lose everything because

of my failures. I couldn’t live with that. I only hoped that you would forgive me — someday.”

Julia was stunned.

“You were willing to risk everything to save me, thinking that I

might not forgive you?”

“Yes.”

Julia felt her eyes grow teary, and she swiped at them blindly. “I wish you could have told me.”

“So do I, but I promised Jeremy that I’d stay away. Before he

entered the hallway, I tried to speak to you, but John and Soraya

kept interrupting.”

“I know, but — ”

He interrupted her. “If I’d told you it was only temporary, they

would have realized from your expression. They would have known

I had no intention of following through on my promise. I’d given

my word.”

“But you planned to break it.”

“Yes. Yes, I did.” He was quiet again for a moment, looking off

into the distance.

“That doesn’t make sense, Gabriel. You made all kinds of promises

to them, but you broke them. You put the textbook in my box, you

wrote me a message…”

“I planned to do more. I was going to email you, saying that it

was only until the end of the semester. Once you’d graduated and

I’d resigned, we would renew our relationship. That is, if you stil wanted me.”

Gabriel’s voice dropped. “I knew you would be watched. And

that the Dean would interview you to find out if I’d kept my promise.

I worried about your ability to lie.”

“That’s bullshit,” said Julia fiercely. “You could have sent me an email and explained that I needed to pretend to be heartbroken. I’m not a great actress, but I can act a little.”

“There were other — factors.”

She closed her eyes. “When I fell, you looked at me as if you

hated me. You looked disgusted.”

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Gabriel’s Rapture

“Julia, please.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her to his chest.

“That look was not meant for you. Any disgust I felt was directed at the hearing and myself. That look was not meant for you, I swear.”

Julia shed more than a few tears at that moment, the consequence

of shock and anxiety and a measure of relief at having her questions answered. But some of the most important questions remained.

“I hate that I’ve made you cry again,” Gabriel said ruefully, run-

ning a hand up and down her back to comfort her.

Julia wiped her eyes. “I need to go home.”

“You can stay with me tonight.” He glanced down at her cautiously.

She was conflicted. Staying with him could possibly undercut

all the things she had yet to say, but running back to her cold, dark apartment seemed cowardly. As always, she knew that once she allowed herself to curl into his side, her body and heart would drag her mind along with them.

“I should go.” She sighed in defeat. “But I can’t bring myself to

leave right now.”

“Then stay — in my arms.” He kissed her forehead, murmuring

his love against her skin.

Slowly, he extricated himself from her embrace and retrieved

a couple of blankets, pausing to blow out the candles as he did so.

He left the tea lights lit in the Moroccan lamps overhead, admiring the play of light and color against the walls of the tent. The very air shimmered.

They made a nest together in the center of the futon. Gabriel

lay on his back with his beloved at his side. He did nothing to stifle the deep sigh of contentment that escaped his lips as he wrapped his arm about her shoulders.

“Gabriel?”

“Yes?” He stroked her hair slowly, reveling in the feel of the

silkiness of the strands as they slipped through his fingers. He tried to savor her new, unfamiliar scent but found himself mourning the

loss of the old one.

“I — missed you.”

“Thank you.” He squeezed her tightly as a feeling of cautious

relief coursed through him.

“I used to lie awake at night, wishing you were with me.”

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Sylvain Reynard

Gabriel’s eyes watered at the sound of her vulnerability and her

courage. If he ever had a moment’s doubt that he would love and

admire her forever, no matter whether she chose him or not, that

doubt faded away like a wisp of smoke.

“Me too.”

She hummed to herself and within minutes, the two weary, for-

mer lovers were sound asleep.

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Chapter 46

Julia opened her eyes and saw bright July sunlight streaming in

through the open door of the tent. She was curled up under two

cashmere blankets that had been lovingly tucked around her. She was alone. Were it not for the fact that she knew that the tent belonged to Gabriel, she would have thought that she’d dreamed the previous evening. Or that she’d woken up to a new dream.

As she got out of bed, she found a note next to her pillow.

Darling,

You were sleeping so peacefully that I didn’ t want to disturb you. I’ll ask Rebecca to make waffles for breakfast because

I know you like them. Falling asleep in your arms again

reminded me that I was only half a person in your absence.

You make me whole.

With love,

Gabriel.

Julia couldn’t deny the fact that a variety of emotions came upon

her as she read the note, like a symphony of different instruments.

Perhaps the most dominant feeling was that of relief.

Gabriel loved her. Gabriel had returned.

But forgiveness and reconciliation were two different things, and

she knew that although other forces had been at work to effect their separation, she and Gabriel each bore responsibility for the situation in which they currently found themselves. Julia didn’t want to run back into his arms only to escape the pain of their separation; Sylvain Reynard

that would be like taking a pill to kill a pain without investigating its root causes.

She found her shoes and slowly walked across the garden, retriev-

ing her purse before entering the back door. Rebecca was already at work in the small kitchen, preparing breakfast.