“Do you know where he is?”

“In Hell, I hope.” Paul’s voice was cheerful. “Martin sent an email to the department saying that Emerson was on a leave of absence for the rest of the semester. You probably saw that email.”

Julia shook her head.

Paul looked at her closely. “I guess he didn’t say good-bye.”

“I left a few messages for him. He finally emailed me yesterday.”

“What did he say?”

“He told me to stop contacting him and that it was over. He

didn’t even call me by name — just sent me a two line email from his university account, and signed it ‘Regards, Prof. Gabriel O. Emerson.’”

“Asshole.”

Julia winced, but didn’t disagree. “After the hearing, he told me

I wasn’t sensible of my own distress.”

“Pretentious fucker.”

“What?”

“He stomps on your heart and then he has the balls to quote

Hamlet? Unbelievable. And he misquoted it, the jackass.”

She blinked in surprise. “I didn’t recognize the line. I thought

it was just — him.”

“Shakespeare was a pretentious fucker too. That’s probably why

you couldn’t tell the difference. The line is from Gertrude’s speech about the death of Ophelia. Listen:

248

Gabriel’s Rapture

“When down her weedy trophies and herself

Fell in the weeping brook. Her clothes spread wide;

And, mermaid-like, awhile they bore her up:

Which time she chanted snatches of old tunes;

As one incapable of her own distress,

Or like a creature native and indued

Unto that element: but long it could not be

Till that her garments, heavy with their drink,

Pull’d the poor wretch from her melodious lay

To muddy death.”

Julia’s face grew pale. “Why would he say that to me?”

“You are nothing like her.” Paul reiterated his list of favored pro-fane adjectives with respect to the Professor. “Was Emerson worried you’d do something — to hurt yourself?” Paul was growing progressively more agitated as his undergraduate knowledge of Shakespeare came flooding back to him.

(The benefit of a liberal arts education.)

Julia feigned surprise at his question. “I don’t know what he

thought. He just mumbled something about me trying to commit

academic suicide.”

Paul seemed relieved. Marginally.

“There’s something else I need to mention. I talked to Christa.”

Julia chewed at the inside of her mouth before indicating that

he should continue.

“Christa was happy that Emerson was leaving. And she referred

to you.”

“She’s always hated me,” said Julia.

“I don’t know what she’s up to, but I’d watch your back.”

Julia looked off into the distance. “She can’t hurt me. I’ve already lost what mattered most.”

249

Chapter 29

Paul and Julia sat across from one another at a hip but retro

café on Queen Street. They engaged in small talk before they

ordered their meals, falling into an uneasy silence as Julia pondered her situation.

“So how have you been?” Paul’s voice broke into her internal

musings.

She wouldn’t say it aloud, because she wouldn’t mention such

a thing to Paul. But one of the reasons she had been so upset, apart from the loss of Gabriel, was the loss of what he represented — the attainment of her high school crush, the loss of her virginity, the discovery of what she thought had been a deep and reciprocated love…

When she thought of the first time he made love to her, she

wanted to cry. No one had ever treated her with such rapt attention and gentleness. He was so worried about hurting her and making

sure that she was relaxed. He was insistent on telling her that he loved her, over and over again as he moved toward his orgasm. The

first one that he would have with her, because of her…

Gabriel staring into my very soul, moving inside me, telling me that he loved me while showing me with his body exactly that. He must have loved me. I’m just not sure when he stopped. Or rather, when he chose to love his job more than me.

Paul cleared his throat good-naturedly, and Julia smiled her

apology.

“Um, I’m upset and angry, but I try not to think about what

happened. I’ve been working on my thesis, but it’s difficult to write about love and friendship when you’ve just lost both.” She blew a

breath of air out. “Everyone at the university must think I’m a whore.”

Gabriel’s Rapture

Paul leaned over the table. “Hey, you are not a whore. I’d punch

someone’s lights out if they ever said anything like that about you.”

She said nothing, fidgeting in her lap with an embroidered

handkerchief.

“You fell in love with the wrong person, that’s all. He took ad-

vantage of you.”

Julie protested, but he continued.

“The Dean’s office asked me to sign a confidentiality agreement.

They’re keeping everything having to do with you and Emerson quiet.

So don’t worry about what people think. No one knows anything.”

“Christa knows,” she muttered.

“I’m sure she had to sign the same confidentiality agreement. If

she starts spreading rumors about you, you should go to the Dean.”

“What good would that do? The gossip would follow me to

Harvard.”

“Professors aren’t supposed to take advantage of students. If you’d said no to him, he would have fucked with your career. He’s the vil-lain.” Paul fumed. “You have a lot of good things to look forward to, like graduation and going to Harvard. And someday, when you’re

ready, you’ll find someone who will treat you properly. Someone worthy of you.” He squeezed her fingers. “You’re kind and gentle. You’re funny and bright. And when you’re pissed off, you’re sexy as hell.”

She gave him a half-smile.

“That day you took Emerson on in the seminar room — it was

a total train wreck, but I would pay money to see it again. You are the only person I’ve ever seen stand up to him, other than Christa, who is crazy, and Professor Pain, who is twisted. As much as I was afraid of what he’d do in retaliation, your spunkiness was impressive.”

“I lost my temper. It wasn’t my finest moment.”

“Perhaps not. But it showed me something. It showed Emerson

something. You’re a bad ass. You need to let the bad ass come out every once in a while. Within reason, of course.”

He was grinning now and slightly teasing.

“I try not to give in to the anger, but trust me, it’s there.” Julia’s voice was quiet but steely.

As they finished their meals and savored their coffee, Julia told

Paul an extremely edited account of her affair with Gabriel, beginning 251

Sylvain Reynard

with his invitation to accompany him to Italy. She described how

Gabriel saved her from Simon when she was home for Thanksgiv-

ing and that he paid to have the bite mark removed from her neck.

Paul was surprised.

Julia had always felt comfortable talking to Paul. He wasn’t as

intense as Gabriel, of course, and far less mercurial. He was a good listener and a good friend. Even when he was scolding her for choosing Soraya Harandi as her attorney.

Of course, when she revealed that Soraya had been chosen by

Gabriel, his ire shifted.

“I’m going to ask you something personal. If you don’t want to

answer, just say so.” Paul looked around to ensure that no one was eavesdropping.

“What do you want to know?”

“Is Gabriel still involved with Professor Singer? Did you see

her — socially while you were with him?”

“Of course not! He tried to keep me away from her, even when

we went to dinner at Segovia.”

“I can’t believe I never realized you two were together.” Paul

shook his head.

“I know you don’t think very highly of him. But that’s because

you don’t know him. He told me his involvement with Singer was

temporary and that it ended a long time ago. And so we’re clear, Paul, I believed him.” Julia said those last few words with no little intensity.

Paul rubbed at his chin. “I told you that I filed a complaint

against Professor Pain last year. Soraya Harandi was her attorney. I sat in on Singer’s Medieval Torture seminar because I hoped she would

cover material relating to my dissertation. Then she hit on me. At first, I brushed it off. Then I received a strange email from her. She was careful to make her language ambiguous, but anyone from her

seminar would have understood that she was propositioning me. So

I filed a complaint.

“Unfortunately, Soraya Harandi did a hell of a job convincing

the university that I’d misunderstood the email and that I was em-

bellishing my reports of what she said to me in person. It was my

word against Singer’s.

“The only person on my side at the hearing was Dr. Chakravartty.

She brought up emails that Singer had sent to other people and argued 252

Gabriel’s Rapture

that there was a pattern. But Dr. Aras excused me as soon as she

mentioned them. So I have no idea who they were to or what was in

them. Professor Pain was given a warning and told to stay away from me. I never heard from her again. But I always wondered who else