Venir se ne dee giù tra ‘ miei meschini

(He must come down among my servitors,)

perché diede ‘l consiglio frodolente,

(because he gave the fraudulent advice,)

dal quale in qua stato li sono a’ crini;

(from which time forth I have been at his hair;)

ch’assolver non si può chi non si pente,

(For who repents not cannot be absolved,)

né pentere e volere insieme puossi

(nor can one both repent and will at once,)

per la contradizion che nol consente’.”

(because of the contradiction which consents not”.) 163

Sylvain Reynard

“So you see, Julia, even St. Francis was wrong about people on

occasion. He thought Guido’s soul belonged in Paradise.”

“Yes, but it’s like Francis to think the best of someone — to think that Guido’s repentance was real and to fight for his soul,” she protested. “Even if in the end he was wrong.”

“St. Francis gave up too quickly.”

“Do you think so?”

Gabriel gazed at her intently. “If it were your soul I was after, all the dark Cherubim in Hell couldn’t keep me from you.”

A shiver snaked up and down Julia’s spine.

“I would have done whatever it took to save you.” His voice

and his expression were grave. “Even if that meant I had to spend

eternity in Hell.”

P

Gabriel and Julia spent their last full day of vacation in and out of the ocean. They sunned themselves, then relaxed in the shade with a beer and an umbrella drink. Julia nodded off in her lounge chair, her large floppy hat discarded on the sand.

Gabriel loved to watch her sleep — the way her chest rose and

fell with her gentle breathing. The way her lips curled back with the occasional sigh. She looked so peaceful. Gabriel was convinced that Grace would have been delighted that he and Julianne were a couple.

No doubt she would already be pressuring him to put a ring on her

finger and pick out china patterns.

There had been so many moments during their Valentine’s week-

end that he had wanted to bend his knee and ask her to marry him.

But not only was he worried about enacting a cliché, he was worried about her future. It was likely they were about to be embroiled in a scandal that could jeopardize his career and her admission to Harvard.

Even if the complaint against her was investigated and dismissed,

she would need to be able to complete her MA free of other distractions. He was sure that she’d want the full university experience at Harvard without the pressure of planning a wedding. And there

was still the question of what he would do — whether he would be

164

Gabriel’s Rapture

able to take a sabbatical. That is, if he survived Christa Peterson’s harassment complaint.

Despite the fact that he found the words marry me on his tongue on more than one occasion, he bit them back. There would be a time and a place for a proposal. That time and place should be in their orchard, sacred as it was to both of them. Not to mention the fact that it would be a polite gesture to alert Tom to his intentions before broaching the topic with Julianne. Without doubt, he wanted her

to be his wife. And no matter what the next few months brought,

he would make her his.

Later that evening, Gabriel found himself brimming with emo-

tion, the fruit of much contemplation and the pleasure he always

found in Julianne’s company. They’d just returned from the resort

restaurant. Julia had planned on visiting the washroom to clean the makeup from her face, but he caught her wrist and wordlessly led

her to the bed.

He kissed her softly and began to undress her, his eyes shining

with worship and need. He took his time, adoring shoulders and

arms and naked skin, his mouth beginning to make eager promises

as she arched beneath his touch.

He pulled her astride him, gazing up with an expression of won-

der mixed with desire. She moved her hips to taunt him a little, closing her eyes in order to let the feeling take center stage.

After a few minutes, Gabriel flipped her so she was on her back

and he was kneeling between her legs. She let out a cry as he entered her.

He stilled. “Are you all right?”

“Mmhmmm,” she hummed. “You just surprised me.” She brought

her hands to rest on his back, urging him forward.

Gabriel liked her on top, she knew it. He would gaze up at her

adoringly and touch and tease. He would praise her sexiness, for he knew that even after these few months she was slightly self-conscious at being so exposed. Julia was surprised that he moved them so his body was covering hers, his lips at her neck, when they’d enjoyed

that position several times already.

A few more kisses and he was pressing a hand to her face, his

eyes dark and desperate.

“Gabriel?” She searched his expression.

165

Sylvain Reynard

He closed his eyes and shook his head before opening them again.

Julia gaped at what she saw — insecurity, passion, hope, want,

and need. She threw back her head from time to time as groans of

pleasure escaped her lips.

“I need you,” he whispered against her throat as his movements

increased to a fevered pitch. “I can’t lose you.”

Julia’s response was lost in a series of pants as she grew closer and closer to her release.

“Ah — ah, hel .” Gabriel cursed as he climaxed, knowing that Julia had yet to do so. He tried to keep moving, hoping that she would

follow him, but it was not to be.

“Damn it. I’m sorry.” He hid his face against her skin.

“It’s all right. I enjoyed myself.” She tangled her fingers in his hair, tugging playfully, before pressing a kiss to his face. “And I’m glad you came.”

A self-deprecating mumble escaped him. He moved to lie beside

her and began to pet between her legs, but she pressed her knees

together. “You don’t need to do that.”

His eyes darkened with determination. “Yes, I do. Let me.”

She stilled his hand. “You aren’t going to lose me if you fail to

give me an orgasm now and then.”

Gabriel’s expression tightened. “It’s embarrassing.”

“It’s life.” She kissed his nose. “I don’t expect you to be perfect, in bed or out of it.”

“Bless you for that.” He kissed her slowly, sighing when she pulled away to nest in his arms. “But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try.”

“Well, if you insist, there is something you could do for me…”

Gabriel moved so quickly Julia was torn between shock and the

urge to laugh. But as soon as he touched her, she stopped laughing.

P

Later that evening Gabriel lay on his back in the center of the

bed, underneath the mosquito netting. Julia rested her head just

below his pectorals, her arm wrapped around his waist.

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Gabriel’s Rapture

“Are you happy?” His voice came out of the candle-soaked dark-

ness, as he ran his fingers over the top of her head and down to trace the curve of her neck.

“Yes. Are you?”

“More than I ever thought I could be.”

Julia smiled against his chest and kissed the skin there.

“Things seem — different since we came back from Italy,” he

prompted, his hand still gliding across neck and shoulder.

“We have a lot to be grateful for. We have each other. I have

Harvard. Doctor Nicole has been helping me. I feel like I’m finally putting the pieces back together.”

“Good,” he whispered. “And the way that we make love, in general,

you’re happy with that?”

Now Julia lifted her head so she could gaze up into his concerned

blue eyes. “Of course.” She laughed quietly. “You can’t tell?”

“I can tell that I please your body. But your body is not your

mind, or your heart.”

He seemed embarrassed, and Julia repented of her decision to

laugh.

“Tonight was an aberration. But even if it wasn’t, I’m sure we’d

work through it. Are you happy with the way that we make love?”

She sounded shy.

“Yes, very much. I feel it changing — I feel the connection deep-

ening.” He shrugged. “I just wondered if you felt it too.”

“Sometimes I think this is a dream. Believe me, I’m happy.” She

leaned up to kiss him and then rested her head on his chest again.

“Why are you asking me these things?”

“Where do you see yourself in the future?”

“I want to be a professor. I want to be with you.” Julia’s voice was on the quiet side, but remarkably assertive.

He began threading the sheet in between his fingers. “Wouldn’t

you rather find a nice man who could give you children?”

“You can’t ask me if I’m happy with one breath, and push me

away with the next.”

When he didn’t respond, she gently took hold of his chin, forc-

ing his eyes to hers.

167

Sylvain Reynard

“No, I don’t want to find a nice man to have a child with. I want

a child with you.”

Gabriel stared at her incredulously, his blue eyes widening.

“Truthfully, I don’t know if we’ll ever get to the point where we’re healthy enough to open our home to a child. But if we do, I’m sure we’ll find a little boy or girl who is supposed to be our child. Grace and Richard adopted you; we can do the same.”