Susan Mallery - Full-Time Father

She glanced down at her palms half expecting to see singe marks and blackened skin. There was no sign of what had occurred, but she knew the truth.

She’d made the “sensible” decision based on all the available facts, save one. Erin had never made love to a man she didn’t think she loved. She couldn’t. So if she’d been intimate with Parker tonight, she would have given away more than her body. And she had. Sometime during those hours of passion, she’d handed over her heart.

That’s why she looked different. It wasn’t about sex, it was about caring. She’d given Parker the one thing he didn’t want. Just like her sister, she’d made the fatal mistake of falling in love with him.

Parker woke up feeling better than he had in years. He lay in bed for a moment, trying to remember why. Then it all came back to him. Erin, making love, the glow-in-the-dark condoms. He sat up and grinned. Hot damn, it felt good to be alive.

He threw back the covers and stood up. Plastic packets crinkled under his feet. He glanced down and saw small squares of brightly colored protection scattered on the rug. The empty box sat overturned by the nightstand. One of them must have kicked it off while they’d been otherwise occupied.

He grabbed the box, then started collecting the condoms. As he did, images from the previous night flashed through his brain. Erin smiling, Erin flushed and wide-eyed with passion, Erin gasping his name, Erin touching him…everywhere.

He knew his sense of well-being didn’t just come from the release provided by sex. It came from the intimacy, the connection between a man and a woman. They weren’t strangers anymore. They’d trusted each other enough to share something fundamental. Trust. He shook his head. He didn’t have faith in a lot of people and fewer still trusted him. As he picked up the last couple of condoms he wondered if he should warn Erin away. He hadn’t done well by the women in his life. Robin and Stacey were both proof of that.

“This is different,” he said aloud. It was different because Erin was strong. She didn’t need him the way the other two had. They had enjoyed each other as adults, but it hadn’t been about being in love. As long as they were friends, everything would be fine.

That decided, he put the box in the top drawer of the nightstand then headed for the shower. As he lathered soap, he started thinking about the program that was giving him so much trouble. If he didn’t get an answer soon, he was going to have to scrap the whole thing. He hated to; he’d already invested hundreds of hours. But he couldn’t afford to-

He paused in the middle of rinsing shampoo from his hair. Equations and computer codes filtered through his half-formed thoughts. A whisper of excitement rippled through him. Maybe he’d been going at the problem all wrong. Maybe there was another way.

By the time he’d dressed, he’d found the answer. He jogged to the end of the hall and sat in front of his computer. Within minutes, he had the program up and was trying his new solution.

He vaguely heard Kiki come to the door and ask him a question. He waved her away.

“It’s going to be one of those days,” he heard her say.

“One of what days?” Christie asked.

“Your father is working. He’s found the solution to his programming problem. Now come along with me. We need to give him plenty of quiet today. Maybe we’ll go into town for lunch.”

There was more conversation, but he ignored it. A breakfast tray appeared on his desk. He drank the coffee and left everything else. Hours must have passed because there was a second tray, this one with sandwiches. He ate one so he could keep working.

About three in the afternoon, he surfaced for the first time that day. His body was stiff, his mind swirling with more half-formed ideas. He needed a break.

After standing and stretching, he noticed the sun was shining brightly. The ocean was calm and a brilliant cobalt blue. Christie sat in the window seat reading.

“Hi,” he said.

She glanced up at him and smiled. “I’m being very quiet. Kiki told me you were working and I wasn’t to d’sturb you. I brought a book.”

“So I see.” He crossed the room and settled next to her. “What are you reading?”

“The Princess and the Pea. It’s about a girl who doesn’t know she’s a princess and she sleeps on a pea.” Christie giggled. “I wouldn’t want to sleep on a pea. That’s silly.”

“I agree.” He tugged on one of her pigtails, then drew her onto his lap. She went willingly, snuggling against him. “What else do you know about this princess?”

“The pea keeps her awake and she gets the prince.” Christie wrinkled her nose. “The prince is nice, but I’d rather have you.”

Her compliment caught him off guard. “Thank you, Christie.” His chest tightened.

“I’m glad you’re my daddy,” she said. “I used to ask God every night for a daddy and then he gave me you. You’re ‘xactly what I wanted.”

He had to clear his throat before he could speak. “I’m glad you’re my little girl,” he said. “You’re exactly what I wanted, too.”

“Really?” She gazed up at him. Her brown eyes were wide and trusting. “Did you ask God for a little girl of your own?”

He shook his head. “I didn’t think I would get that lucky. I wish-” He brushed her bangs off her forehead, then took her tiny, perfect hand in his. “I wish I’d known about you before. I would have come and found you.”

“Just like in my stories.” She patted his chest. “I understand, Daddy. Mommy told me you didn’t know about me. I’m sorry my other mommy, Stacey I mean, didn’t tell you. Then we could have been together for always.”

“That would have been nice,” he said. Then he wondered. How would he have reacted to the news of Stacey’s pregnancy five years ago? He wouldn’t have wanted to believe it was his child and probably wouldn’t have until he’d seen the baby. The guilt-it would have overwhelmed him. Sometimes it still did.

What would have happened if he’d known about Christie from the beginning? How would he have acted? Would he have wanted her? All that innocent life might have gotten in the way of his mourning. The last month had taught him he used the pain of losing Robin to remind himself he was alive. If he felt that, he was at least feeling something.

But Christie required more. With her around, the pain disappeared. He had to experience the world, and sometimes he didn’t want to. Maybe she would have brought him back to the land of the living sooner, or maybe he would have destroyed her, too.

No, he told himself. Erin wouldn’t have let that happen. Erin. Just thinking about her, about them together last night, made him grin. If he’d meet her five years ago, he would never have seen her as her own person. He wouldn’t have risked getting to know her, getting close to her. He would have missed the chance to…To what? Care? Did he? Could he? It wasn’t safe, not for either of them.

“Do you have to do more work?” Christie asked.

“Yes. I’m finishing up a program. I’ll be done either tonight or tomorrow, then I promise we’ll spend some time together. Okay?”

She nodded. “Yes, Daddy, it’s okay. I’m a big girl. Mommy goes to work at school and you go to work here. When I grow up, I’m going to go to work, too.”

She jumped down and started out of the room. At the doorway, she turned back to him. “When Kiki brings you dinner tonight, you eat everything on the tray. Even your vegetables. They make you big and strong.”

He grinned. “Yes, Christie. I promise.”

She gave him her winning smile, complete with dimples, then disappeared into the hall. He wasn’t sure he deserved it, but he’d gotten lucky with her. Pray God, he didn’t screw up.

Parker strolled back to his computer and stared at the screen. In a matter of seconds, he was lost in the program.

When next he surfaced, it was dark outside. An untouched tray sat on his desk. He hadn’t even heard Kiki come in. He glanced at the clock and was stunned to see one forty-eight. He’d been at the computer since eight that morning.

Weariness descended. He rubbed his burning eyes. He was tired and sore, but it had been worth it. The problem was solved, the program nearly complete. Nothing like a night of hot sex to clear your thinking, he told himself. Maybe he could-

Damn. He’d been in his office all day. He hadn’t seen Erin. She hadn’t come to see him-at least he didn’t remember her coming in the room-and he hadn’t sought her out. After last night she was probably expecting something from him. Even something as simple as a polite greeting. He bolted from the room, then paused at the top of the stairs.

“You’re a jerk, Hamilton,” he muttered aloud. Last night had been terrific, so the first chance he got, he messed it up.

He started up the stairs, then paused. It was nearly two in the morning. He couldn’t go barging into her room just to apologize for ignoring her all day. He would have to wait until morning. No doubt she was going to be furious. He deserved it. He’d been an insensitive clod.

He headed down the stairs toward the main floor. Halfway there he noticed a light shining from the study. Kiki would be gone or asleep. Had his housekeeper left a lamp on for him, or was Erin still awake?

He hurried across the hardwood floor and stepped into the study. Erin sat in the leather wing chair reading. The light behind her left shoulder highlighted the red in her hair. She was dressed in a loose summer dress. Skinny straps left her shoulders and slender arms bare. The front dipped low enough to hint at the generous curves below. His fingers curled toward his palms as he remembered touching her there, holding and caressing her.

She hadn’t noticed him in the doorway. “Erin?” he said.