“I think you've been working too hard.” She had had the flu on and off for almost three weeks and he was insisting on her going to see the doctor finally.

“I don't have time for that.” But she was so tired and draggy and so frequently sick to her stomach that she finally went, and she got the shock of her life. It was what she had wanted so desperately, but now, suddenly it was there. And it terrified her. She didn't have time for that. She had an important job. She would look ridiculous … she had never wanted that.… Russ would be upset with her … she stewed so terribly that she didn't even go home until seven o'clock that night and Russ knew there was something terribly wrong the minute he laid eyes on her. But he let her unwind for a while, fixed her a drink, opened a bottle of Chateau Latour with their dinner, but she didn't drink a drop of it, and she was still tense when they went upstairs that night and there was an odd look in her eyes. He was actually getting very worried about her, and as soon as she sat down, he pulled a chair up next to her.

“All right, now tell me what happened to you today. You either lost your job or your best friend died.”

She smiled sheepishly and visibly relaxed as he took her hand. “You know me too well.”

“Then do me the favor of taking me into your confidence.”

“I can't.” She had already made up her mind. She wasn't keeping it. But Russ was not going to fool around. His voice rose ominously, the famous frown appeared, and her knees would have shaken if she didn't know him as well as she did. Instead she laughed at him. “You know, you're very scary when you look like that.”

He laughed exasperatedly at her. “That's the whole point. Now talk to me, dammit. What the hell is going on with you?”

She stared at him for a long, long time, lowered her eyes, and then raised them to his again. “You're not going to believe this, sweetheart.”

“You want a divorce.”

“No, of course not.” She smiled at him. Somehow he always made things less terrible. She had been hysterical all day, and now he had her laughing again.

“You're having an affair?”

“Wrong again.”

“You were kicked off the bench.”

“Worse than that.…” She was beginning to look serious again, because in her mind what had happened meant the same thing. How could she keep her job with that? And then suddenly there were tears in her eyes and she was looking at him. “I'm pregnant, Russ…” For a moment everything around them stopped and then suddenly he swept her into his arms and he was laughing and smiling, and acting as though it were cause for celebration and not suicide.

“Oh, sweetheart … I'm so glad.” He absolutely beamed at her and she stared at him.

“You are? I thought you didn't want any children.” She was stunned. “We agreed.…”

“Never mind. Our baby is going to be so beautiful … a little girl that looks just like you…” He had never looked happier and he held her close as she frowned unhappily. She had wanted this, but now that it had happened, she couldn't imagine it, except in the worst light.

“But it'll ruin everything.…” She was on the verge of tears again, and he was anxious to comfort her.

“Like what?”

“Like my job. How can I be a judge with a baby at my breast?”

He laughed at the image she had in mind. “Be practical. You work right up till the last day before it's born, and then you take six months off. We get a good nurse, and you go back to work.”

“As easy as that?” She looked shocked.

“It can be as easy as you want, my love. But there's no reason why you can't have a career and a family. It may take a little juggling sometimes, but it can be done with a little resourcefulness.” He smiled at her, and a long, slow smile began to dawn in her eyes. There was the possibility that he was right about that, and if he was … if he was … it was what she had wanted more than anything, and she wanted both. For years she had thought she could only have one.… But she wanted more than just her work … she wanted Russ … she wanted his child … she wanted everything … and suddenly the void she had been feeling for months, that ache, the terrible emptiness, was gone again.… “I'm so proud of you, sweetheart.” She looked at him, and the tears slowly overflowed as she smiled at him. “Everything is going to be just fine, you know … and you're going to look just wonderful.”

“Ha!” She laughed at him. “I've already gained six pounds.…”

“Where?” Tickling and teasing her, he began to look for them, and Tana lay in his arms and laughed.





“How'd it go today?” The pride he felt showed easily in his eyes and she smiled back at him. It had been a beautiful time for them, even these extra days. She enjoyed the opportunity to spend these last days alone with him, although she had to admit that she was getting terribly uncomfortable. Her ankles looked like lamp posts by four o'clock in the afternoon, and she had trouble sitting for that long, but she didn't have anything else to do.