“It's really awful, isn't it?” But the worst of all was Billy, who managed to sidle up to her halfway through the afternoon, drunk as usual, and make some sly comment about her boyfriend not being able to get it up, and he'd be glad to help her out anytime, as he recalled she had been a fairly worthwhile piece of ass, but just as she contemplated putting her fist through his mouth, she saw a larger one come whizzing by, meet Billy's chin, and Billy reeled backwards before collapsing neatly on the lawn. Tana turned to see Harry smiling in his wheelchair just behind where she stood. He had reached up and put Billy out cold with one blow and he was immensely pleased with himself.

“You know, I wanted to do that a year ago.” He smiled at her, but her mother was horrified at how they had behaved. And as early as possible Tana and Harry got back into the limousine and went back to New York. There was a tearful goodbye between Tana and Jean before that. Or at least, Jean cried and Tana was tense. Arthur had kissed her on the cheek and announced that she was his daughter now, too, and there wouldn't have to be any more scholarships. But she insisted that she couldn't accept a gift like that, and she couldn't wait to get away from all of them, especially cloying, pregnant Ann, with her whiny voice, her showy gems, and her boring husband, making eyes at someone else's wife halfway through the afternoon.

“Jesus, how can they live like that?” she had fumed to Harry on the way home and he patted her knee.

“Now, now, one day the same thing will happen to you, little one.”

“Oh, go fuck yourself.” He laughed at her and they went back to the Pierre. They were both leaving the next day, and he took her to “21” that night. Everyone was happy to see him there, although chagrined to see that he was in a wheelchair now. And for old time' sake, they drank too much champagne, and were drunk when they got back to the hotel. Just drunk enough for Harry to do something he had promised himself he wouldn't do for another year or two. They were into their second bottle of Roederer, and actually they had been drinking all day, when he turned to her with a gentle look and touched her chin, and unexpectedly kissed her lips.

“Do you know that I've always been in love with you?” At first Tana looked shocked, and then suddenly she looked as though she might cry.

“You're kidding me.”

“I'm not.” Was her mother right? Was Harrison?

“But that's ridiculous. You're not in love with me. You never were.” She focused on him tipsily.

“Oh yes, I am. I always was.” She stared at him, and he took her hand in his. “Will you marry me, Tan?”

“You're crazy.” She pulled her hand away and stood up and suddenly there were tears in her eyes. She didn't want him to be in love with her. She wanted them to be friends forever, just friends, no more than that. And he was spoiling everything. “Why are you saying that?”

“Couldn't you love me, Tan?” Now he looked as though he were going to cry and she felt more sober than she had all night.

“I don't want to spoil what we have … it's too precious to me. I need you too much.”

“I need you too. That's the whole point. If we get married then we'll always be there.” But she couldn't marry him … she was still in love with Harrison … it was insane, the whole thing … all of it … she lay on her bed and sobbed that night, and Harry never went to bed at all. He was waiting for her when she came out of her room the next morning, looking pale and tired, with circles under her eyes. He wanted to retrieve what they'd had before, and it wasn't too late yet. That meant everything to him. He could live without being married to her, but he couldn't stand losing her. “I'm sorry about what happened last night, Tan.”

“So am I.” She sat down next to him in the room's spacious living room. “What happens now?”

“We put it down to one drunken night. It was a rough day for both of us … your mother getting married … my first time out socially in the chair … no big deal. We can put it behind us. I'm sure of it.” He was praying that she would agree with him and slowly she shook her head, as his heart sank.

“What happened to us? Have you really been … in love with me for all that time?”

He looked at her honestly. “Some of it. Sometimes, I hate your guts.” They both laughed and she felt some of what they had shared before, and she put her arms around his neck then.

“I'll always love you, Harry. Always.”

“That's all I wanted to know.” He could have cried if he'd let himself, but instead they ordered room service, laughed, raised hell, teased, trying desperately to regain the ease of what they'd had before, and as she watched his plane take off that afternoon, there were tears in her eyes. It might never be quite the same again, but it would be close. They'd see to that. They both had too much invested in each other by now to let anything spoil it for them.

When Harry finally arrived in Cap Ferrat, brought there by the car and driver Harrison had sent for him, his father came running across the lawn to help his son from the car and into his chair, gripping his arm powerfully and looking at him.

“You all right, Son?” There was something in Harry's eyes that worried him.

“More or less.” He looked tired. It had been a long flight, a long couple of days, and this time he hadn't played games with the stewardesses. He had been thinking of Tana as he flew to France. She would always be his first great love, the woman who had brought him back to life again. Feelings like that couldn't be lost, and if she didn't want to marry him … he had no choice. He had to accept it. He could see in her eyes that it simply wasn't there for her. And as much as it hurt, he knew that he had to force himself to accept that now. But it wasn't going to be easy for him. He had waited for so long to tell her what he felt. And it was all over now. It was never going to happen between them. The thought of that reality brought tears to his eyes again and Harrison took his son's shoulders in his powerful hands.

“How's Tana?” Harrison was quick to ask, and for just an instant he saw Harry hesitate, and then instinctively he understood. Harry had tried and lost. His father's heart went out to him.

“Tana's fine…” he tried to smile “… but difficult.” He smiled cryptically, and Harrison instantly understood. He knew that one day it would come to that.

“Ah, yes…” He smiled, as a pretty girl walked across the lawn to him and caught Harry's eye, just for an instant pushing Tana from his mind. And then the two men's eyes met, and Harry smiled slowly up at him. “You'll get over it, Son.”

For an instant he felt the lump in his throat again, and then with a sharp laugh, he whispered, almost to himself, “I'll try.”





“Does this mean you guys are kicking me out?” Tana laughed nervously.