"Alex, how far you have fallen. A student?"

"You've been a manipulative bitch since the days of Evelyn. You go any further with this, and I'll have your ass taken down, Leti. I promise you that. Back. The. Fuck. Up."

I hung up the phone and threw it against the wall. Luckily, in my blind rage, the cover took the brunt of the impact, cracking and falling to the ground. Riley came rushing into my room.

"Get the fuck out, Riley."

"What happened?"

I turned and glowered at him. He didn’t relent, instead moving further into the room.

"You're fucking losing it, Alex. What is going on with you?"

"Where have you been this morning?" I asked, working furiously to catch my breath.

"What?"

"Where the fuck have you been?"

"I went on base to wash and detail my truck before the sun ruined that for me."

"So you were on base?" That revelation plastered suspicion all over me. In my furor, I couldn't see anything for what it was.

Had Riley spoken to Cassie and spilled the beans as a way to punish me? I couldn't be sure of anyone or anything anymore. The alcohol still coursing through my veins was contributing to my irrational thoughts, fueling the anger. I grabbed him by his shirt collar with both hands and lifted him, slamming him against the wall.

"Look shithead. I fucked up last night. I admit that. But you going to Cassie and telling her is going to get your ass beat."

He powered up and worked his way out of my grip.

"Get your shit together, Alex. I didn't go over to the barracks at all. I didn’t even see Cassie this morning."

I was breathing erratically, feeling the haze of my hangover looming over my head.

"Where the fuck is Jensen?"

I heard the door swing open a little wider, Jensen standing the frame.

"I'm right here. And what the hell does Bennett have to do with any of this?" Disapproval filled his face as he looked me over, his mouth forming into a tight scowl. "You went on and fucked her, didn’t you?”

“That’s none of your business, Jensen. Stay in your fucking place!” My teeth clenched as did my fists as I yelled out the last part, my frustrations seemingly taking over my body.

“No, you stay in your place, Alex. You went ahead and fucked a student. That’s abuse of power. You’ve sunk low, motherfucker. That NCO of the Quarter should be burned at your feet. You don’t represent shit that’s good for the Corps.”

I charged him.

He braced himself for the impact, and both of us went down, rolling over one another and swinging. Riley jumped in between us, taking a few punches to the face, before finally pulling me away.

"I don’t give a shit what you think of me, Jensen.”

He spit on my wood floor, disrespecting me and my place. If I wasn’t feeling the excess alcohol swirling around in my stomach while trying to catch my breath, I would have charged him again.

"I can’t believe you’ve pursued this. You used to be someone to look up to. I don’t even know you anymore."

I didn't care if I had just confirmed for him that I was or had been involved with her. Correcting the situation with Cassie was the only thing on my mind. Riley shook his head, realizing what I had just done. A piece of me wanted to take it back, but I was running on adrenaline, and whatever came out I'd just have to deal with.

"You're still seeing her? Still fucking her?"

I didn’t answer. I wiped at my lip, the metallic taste of blood on my tongue.

"Who the fuck have you become? NCO of the Quarter, Staff Sergeant select, brig time… none of that shit means anything to you, does it?"

I didn’t answer him. The truth was, it all meant the world to me, but Cassie meant even more.

"I'm not standing behind you with this shit, Alex. Fraternizing is a highly punishable offense. What's happened to you? Pussy is all the same, man. I lined one up for you last night. It's that easy, you know."

"Fuck you, Jensen. If you can't see beyond the rules manual, get the fuck out of my room."

"How did you flip over night? Is her pussy magical? Did she cast a spell on you with it?"

"We're not fucking robots, that's how," I growled, my voice low and gruff.

A hush fell over the room.

Riley shut his eyes. Jensen deepened his frown.

Freeing myself from the guilt of everything that had been going on with Cassie was surprisingly welcomed. As fearful as I had been about letting the cat out of the bag, especially to non-supportive fucks like Jensen, the release of it brought a sense of calm over me, washing me clean of my misdeed.

"The Alex Cruz I knew loved the Corps. Put the Corps first and everything else second. This new you is sickening, man."

"When you break out from behind the fucking mask, you'll finally see what I see, Jensen. Until then, you'll remain blind and continue to follow orders that look good on paper, but don't necessarily work out in real life."

"The Corps is real life, Alex. When we don't follow orders, people die. Good leaders know that!” he yelled, veins bulging from his neck as his face flushed red.

"And good leaders also know how to think for themselves. Now get the fuck out of my room,” I countered, equally passionate and angry.

He stood glaring between Riley and me.

"I can't believe I'm looking at both of you and don't even know who you are."

Then he turned and stomped out of the house. I heard the roar of his Mustang and the tires peel out of the driveway. I needed to respond to Cassie and do some damage control before I lost everything. I was willing to lose out on Jensen because he couldn't see me for who I was. I wasn't willing to lose out on her, and my morning breakdown proved to me that I wasn't strong enough to hold the Corps before her, and even more so, I didn’t want to.

 Fighting against something that I deeply wanted, yet trying to make myself believe that I didn’t need it, had brought me to a level that made me hate myself. The only way to find me again was to find her, but I couldn't be sure that she would want anything to do with me. Not with me completely cutting her off and distancing myself from her, and now this newfound information concerning Castillo. I had to get back to her and straighten everything out-- if I hadn't lost her already.

"Riley, I need some privacy."

He handed me my phone, apparently having read my mind.

I took it from him, thankful and apologetic, but not saying a word. When he was out of the room, and the door closed, I skipped the text message and called her. I needed to get everything out with her.

Not surprisingly, she didn’t answer. I tried her number again and again, but it just rang and went to voicemail.

As badly as I wanted to speak to her, I needed to get my side out, so I settled on a text.


Me: I know you know all about Castillo. I can't apologize enough. It was a mistake, and I am feeling it. You were on my mind all night, so I tried to drown you out with alcohol and her. Fuck, Cassie. I'm fucking sorry. Call me.


I sat on my bed, waiting for my phone to buzz with a response, but I didn't get one. Karma hit me as I sat, my heart racing, my hands sweating, hoping I would get a reply from her. In all of my anxiety, it humbled me a bit, having to feel what she was probably feeling when I acted fucking stupid and ignored every text from her. As right as she was to shut me out, I didn’t want her to. I wanted her to open her arms and take me back in, allow me to explain and fix everything that I had caused, and prove to her that my fuck up was not who I was. I needed her to let me make things right.

Twenty minutes passed, and there was still no reply from her. Every muscle in my body grew tense, clenching and hardening, making me completely uncomfortable. I rushed off to the bathroom and started the shower, hoping the heat would help to sweat some more of the alcohol out of my system while also calming me down.

I stepped in, standing directly under the raging water. I closed my eyes and replayed everything that had happened and how I'd mismanaged every piece of it. If I had just told her about the award, and talked everything out with her, none of the rest of this shit would have ever happened. I had allowed the old, mechanical Alex to ruin shit for the real, live, emotion having Alex. I had just completely and utterly fucked up.

My dick grew hard and ached with the tension that had built up. I looked down, finding it standing erect and pulsing with pain. I took hold of it, gripping as tightly as I could and began to move my hand back and forth. The harder I stroked, the more intense the pain became. When I slowed, the pain turned into stabs, sending sharp aches all over my body. I couldn't stop. I had to stroke the frustration and anger out of me.

I started up the hard strokes again, finally feeling like I was bringing some relief to the surface. The need to come came quickly, but with stronger and more intensified movements, the backlog hit. I could feel my release but couldn't quite get to it. I balled my free hand up into a tight fist and banged on the shower walls, yelling out my irritation. I began to picture Cassie in the shower with me, the way she allowed her body to helplessly fall into mine, her sweet and sensual neck, her perky tits and intoxicating smile. All of it wrapped into one was picture perfect perfection, and I finally came, long and hard. My groans filled the shower, and the beats on the wall gave way for the powerful release I let out.

I leaned up against the wall, allowing the water to run over me while I caught my breath. Flashes of her smile continuously hit me, making me even more eager to finally fix everything I had done wrong where she was concerned. I jumped out of the shower, not even bothering to dry off, and grabbed my phone to find an awaiting text message.