"Good evening, Sergeant," they both responded, the sweetness of Cassie's voice nowhere to be found.

I averted her eyes on my way in. No way could I look into them and find anything other than happiness, joy, and want. Her indifference was a silent killer, even if she had no idea.

I did a quick sweep, definitely not as thorough as I would normally do. I just couldn’t stay in her room any longer. Thoughts of moonlight on her sun-kissed body, my lips on her, her lips on me-- all of it was much too vivid, and I couldn’t handle looking at it any longer.

"Good job, ladies," I mumbled as I walked out of the room, looking at Ruiz but deliberately avoiding Cassie.

Confusion filled Ruiz's face, but she calmly responded, "Thank you, Sergeant."

I walked out of the room, my bitch card hanging low before me, letting me know just how far I had fallen. All I could think about was going home and drowning in a twelve pack.

And as soon as field day was over, that was exactly what I did.

Waking up the next morning, I dressed in my Service Charlies with little enthusiasm for the day. Friday should have been a welcomed day. It brought the weekend and free time, but too much free time was too much time to think, and lately my thoughts were chipping away at my wall of restraint.

"You ready, man?" Jensen asked, standing in the kitchen, fully dressed after having woken up early and doing a rather intense workout session. I heard his ass in the garage and thought about joining him, but nixed that idea rather quickly. I didn't want conversation getting too deep with him.

I looked at him but didn’t respond.

Riley came strolling in, a Red Bull in his hands. I grabbed it from him, popped the top, and polished that bitch off in one long gulp.

"Fuck, dude. You look like you needed that, but asking would've been cool."

"Shut up, Riley," I muttered, moving about the kitchen and looking for the coffee pot.

I was not a coffee drinker, but when an entire night of restlessness took over, I needed something, anything to get me through the day. I stood in front of the sink, filling the pot, when I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the window. My eyes were damn near bloodshot, heavy bags sitting underneath, and a scowl looking like a permanent fixture. This was all courtesy of Cassie and the hold she had on me. Moving away from her was supposed to be the right thing to do, but every day that I stayed away, my body felt like the punishment was growing larger and larger.

By the time I got to the schoolhouse, I’d had two full mugs of coffee. That coupled with the Red Bull, and I finally felt like I was energized enough to make it through my day, but I knew that the looming crash was coming. No sleep and all caffeine didn’t look promising for me.

Before getting the day started, I darted off to the bathroom, throwing handfuls of water on my face, hoping that I looked somewhat presentable as I was scheduled to be in front of damn near the entire schoolhouse this morning. After looking myself over, I took the fuck it approach. So what if I looked like I had drank all night and gotten no sleep because that was, in fact, exactly what I had done. And if anyone had shit to say about it, then they were probably going to be on the receiving end of a very belligerent asshole.

Because that was exactly what I was feeling like.

As I walked out and stood before the throngs of Marines, from all different companies, I thought it would be best to fill my head with mindless chatter. It was all I could do to make time pass by as we stood, awaiting the Company Commander and the Commanding Officer. My eyes drifted in and out of the endless rows of Charlie clad bodies standing at attention, and all of their eyes focused on where I stood. I kept telling myself not to look for Cassie, but I did it anyway, picking her out almost immediately. As soon as our eyes locked, my throat began to close up from the sneer that she gave me. Voices echoed in my head, and I realized that the ceremony had begun.

"Good morning, Marines," Colonel Davis called out.

"Good morning, Sir," the crowd replied in perfect unison.

I watched Cassie. Her mouth moved so smoothly, and all I could imagine were my lips on hers, her lips on my cock, running them up and down in that soft and delicate fashion that only she knew how to do.

"This morning, we are here to recognize one of the finest Marines working for the battalion.  Not only has Sgt. Alejandro Cruz been selected for Staff Sergeant, but he has also been names NCO of the Quarter. We couldn’t have picked a more deserving individual."

He turned away from the crowd, now facing me.

"Sgt. Cruz, on behalf of the battalion, I want to thank you for your selfless service and dedication to training these young Marines to the best of your ability. You are a shining example of what a Marine Corps NCO should be, and we are thankful and grateful to have you."

"Oorah!" someone yelled from the crowd, the universal, motivational congratulatory call. A few more followed before Colonel Davis signaled Major Kinsley to step forth, silencing them all.

"I want every Marine, veteran and new, to take a look at this fine Sergeant standing before you. As Marines, we pride ourselves on integrity, great moral character, as well as performing the duties of our job. Sergeant Cruz, you have shown your high dedication to training our future Communications Marines while guiding them on the ins and out, rights and wrongs of the Marine Corps. Your impending promotion is highly deserving. Thank you for your service, and congratulations on all of your accomplishments."

The Major's and Colonel's words gutted me, leaving me hanging from a very sharp hook. How they could stand there and say the things they said without knowing the real and true me was devastating. Not only was I nothing like their perceptions, but I had willingly strayed and become anything but a model Marine, less known a fucking NCO of the Quarter. Bile rose in my throat, heat flashed through me, and my legs had begun to tingle. Passing out was surely coming, and mixed with the previous night's twelve pack, this morning's Red Bull, and the two mugs of coffee, I only hoped it would remove me from my misery.

What should have been a very momentous occasion had turned into a fucking nightmare. My conscience wasn't sitting well with the idea of all of these Marines looking at me as something that I was not. I couldn’t have fallen further from the tree, and the guilt accompanied with the words, the looks of admiration, and the pride from my higher ups were pushing me further and further towards the ledge.

Major Kinsley signaled for me to step over to where he and Colonel Davis stood. Colonel Davis handed me a plaque. The feel of it in my hands was like holding molten lava, scorching me, begging me to drop it where I stood. I had to pull my shit together and stand there, pretending to be proud of what everyone thought I was.

 I stood between the two, smiling as the photographer from the base newspaper snapped our picture. I looked fucked up, and I felt much of the same. I didn’t deserve shit, but I couldn't tell them that. Not without openly tarnishing my reputation. Deep inside, the guilt was destroying me much more than anything they could ever do to me anyway.

After the ceremony, the Marines mingled with one another before heading into classrooms for the day. I caught sight of Cassie hanging out with Dalton and the two other kids from the bowling alley. She looked back at me from time to time, her eyes slicing through me, making me feel even less. As much as I wanted to be rid of her, I still wanted her, and it was that conflict of emotions that seemed to be eating me alive.

"…so you down tonight or what, NCO of the Quarter?" Jensen's voice brought me back.

I looked around the circle, my eyes landing on Riley who looked like his cat had just died. Jensen and Newsome stared at me questioningly but didn’t say anything.

"What’s that? I must have spaced out."

"The Tavern tonight. We're taking you out to celebrate."

"Oh. Naw, I'm good."

"Fuck that," Jensen said. "I don't know what the fucks going on with you, but you've been a fucking recluse all this week. It's time to get your ass out and about. And this is the perfect excuse to do it."

I shook my head, much too emotionally drained and physically exhausted to argue.

"Whatever, man." I rubbed my hand over my face, shutting my eyes, wishing all of this shit would just go away.

"Good. Tonight at seven. Everyone's going."

Before Jensen could say anything further I walked off, passing Cassie and her crew while my insides twisted, sending me into silent agony.

When I walked into the schoolhouse building, the front photo board already held my picture under the NCO of the Quarter slot, next to all of the unit higher ups. The guilt was thick, acting as the anchor that held me under water with no way of getting any air. I needed this day to end so I could get away and drink myself into a drunken stupor.

The rest of the day dragged, prolonging the torment within me. Even during test time, while the students were hard at work, my mind drifted to Cassie. The last test she'd scored well below expectation, and I couldn’t help but hope that she had regained her footing and done well on this one.