teenSTYLE: So…don’t keep us in suspense! Is J.P. the special guy who’ll be escorting you to Albert Einstein High’s senior prom? And what will you be wearing? You know metallics are in this season…can we count on you to glitter in gold?

Princess Mia:Oh, no! I’m so sorry! My bodyguard didn’t mean to kick that paint can over onto you. How clumsy of him! Do send me the dry-cleaning bill.

Lars:Care of the Royal Genovian press office, Fifth Avenue.

 

Her Royal Highness

Dowager Princess

Clarisse Marie Grimaldi Renaldo

requests the pleasure of your company at a soiree to celebrate the eighteenth birthday of

Her Royal Highness

Princess Amelia Mignonette Grimaldi Thermopolis Renaldo

on Monday the First of May at seven o’clock in the evening at South Street Seaport, Pier Eleven

The Royal Genovian Yacht Clarisse 3

Yale University

Dear Princess Amelia,

Congratulations on your admission to Yale College! Announcing the good news to a candidate is the absolute best part of my job, and it gives me great pleasure to send you this letter. You have every reason to feel proud of our offer of admission. I know that Yale would be an even richer and more vital place for your being here—

Dear Princess Amelia,

Congratulations! Your academic accomplishments, extracurricular achievements, and strong personal qualities were deemed by the admissions officers to be exceptional and ones we want here at Princeton. We are pleased to be sending you this good news and especially to be welcoming you to Princeton—

COLUMBIAUNIVERSITY

COLUMBIA COLLEGE

Dear Princess Amelia:

Congratulations! The Committee on Admissions joins me in the most rewarding part of this job—informing you that you have been selected for admission to Columbia University in the City of New York. We are fully confident that the gifts you bring to our campus will be unique and valuable and that your abilities will be challenged and developed here—

HARVARD UNIVERSITY

Dear Princess Amelia,

I am delighted to inform you that the Committee on Admissions and Financial Aid has voted to offer you a place at Harvard. Following an old Harvard tradition, a certificate of admission is enclosed. Please accept my personal congratulations for your outstanding achievements—

BROWN UNIVERSITY

Dear Princess Amelia,

Congratulations! The Brown Board of Admission has completed its evaluation of more than 19,000 applicants, and it is with great pleasure that I inform you that your application has been included among our acceptances. Your—

Daphne Delacroix

1005 Thompson Street, Apt. 4A

New York, NY 10003

Dear Ms. Delacroix,

Enclosed please find your novel,Ransom My Heart.Thank you for giving us the opportunity to read it. However, it does not suit our needs at the present time. Good luck placing it elsewhere.

Sincerely,

Ned Christiansen

Editorial Assistant

Brampft Books 520 Madison Avenue

New York, NY 10023

Dear Author,

Thank you for the submission of your book. Although it was carefully read, it is not what we are looking for here at Cambridge House. Best of luck in your future endeavors.

Sincerely,

Cambridge House Books

Dear Ms. Delacroix,

Thank you so much for your submission,Ransom My Heart . We here at AuthorPress were highly impressed by it, and we think it shows a lot of promise! However, it’s important to keep in mind that publishing houses receive well over 20,000 submissions a year, and in order to stand out, your manuscript needs to be PERFECT. For a nominal fee ($5 per page), your manuscript,Ransom My Heart , could be on store shelves by next Christmas—

 

The Senior Class of

Albert Einstein High School

requests the pleasure of your company at

the senior prom

on Saturday the Sixth of May at seven o’clock in the evening at the

Waldorf-Astoria ballroom

 

Thursday, April 27, Gifted and Talented

Mia—We’re going shopping for prom dresses—and for something to wear to your birthday shindig—after school. Bendel’s and Barneys first, then if we strike out there, we’ll hit Jeffrey and Stella McCartney downtown. You in?—Lana

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device

L—I’m sorry. I can’t. Have fun, though!—M

What do you mean, you can’t ? What else do you have to do? Don’t say princess lessons because I know your grandmother has canceled them while she gets ready for your big pahtay, and don’t say therapy either because you only have that on Fridays. So what gives? Don’t be such a byotch, we need your limo. I blew all my taxi money for the month on a new pair of D&G patent leather platform slingbacks.

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device

Wow. Coming clean about Dr. Knutz to my friends was freeing and all of that, just like he said it would be.

Especially since it turns out most of them have been in therapy, too.

But some of them—such as Lana—tend to treat the subject way too casually sometimes.

I’m staying after school to help J.P. with his senior project. You know he’s putting on his final performance piece for the senior project committee next week. I promised I’d be there for him. He’s worried about some of the performances his actors are giving. He thinks Amber Cheeseman’s little sister, Stacey, doesn’t really seem to be giving it her all. And she’s the star, you know.

OMG, that play he wrote? God, what are you two, attached at the hip? You can spend ten minutes apart, you know. Now come shopping with us. Pinkberry after! My treat!

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device

Lana thinks Pinkberry solves everything. Or, if not Pinkberry,Allure magazine. When Benazir Bhutto got assassinated, and I couldn’t stop crying, Lana got me a copy ofAllure magazine and told me to get in the bathtub and read it cover to cover. Lana was seriously all, “You’ll feel better in no time!”

And I’m pretty sure she really meant it.

The weird thing was, after I did what she said, I sort ofdid feel a little better.

I also knew a lot more about the dangers of SmartLipo. Still.

Lana. It’s an artistic thing. J.P.’s the writer/director. I have to be there to support him. I’m the girlfriend. Just go without me.

God, what iswith you? It’s PROM. Fine, be that way. I’ll forgive you, but only because I know you’re freaking out over this election thing of your dad’s. Oh, and where you’re going to go to school next year. God, I can’t believe you didn’t get inanywhere . I mean, evenI got into Penn. Andmy senior project was on the history of eyeliner. Good thing my dad’s a legacy, I guess.