I kissed my way along her hip bone, bringing the jeans down with me. Corabelle sighed and lifted her hips, and I delved into her, feeling her shiver, listening to her sounds, and once again thanked the stars for bringing her back to me. 

Chapter 36: Corabelle

A buzzing noise startled me awake later that night, after we’d gone home from the rock. I rubbed my eyes and looked first at Gavin, sprawled across his bed. Then the clock, which read one in the morning.

The noise was persistent, the sound of a cell-phone text message, one after the other.

For some reason I just knew it was Jenny, and Lumberjack had ditched her somewhere, and she needed help. I scrambled across the floor and dug through our clothes, trying to find my phone.

The light of a screen showed through a bit of fabric and I snatched it up.

But when I saw the image, I dropped it again.

I tried to breathe, suddenly feeling like I might hyperventilate. It was probably some mistake. Some porn bot or a friend making a joke.

I lifted the phone again, Gavin’s phone, and swiped it to get past the preview and into the actual message. The image was still there, a naked woman sprawled on a bed, legs wide, fingers spreading herself open.

Below it, the message said, “Miss you, Gavin baby. I need a booty call.”

I meant to set the phone down and crawl right back into bed. If this woman missed him, that means he wasn’t seeing her anymore. So it was fine. He’d delete the messages in the morning, probably relieved I hadn’t seen them. As I tried to bury the phone back in the clothes, another message popped up. “I dumped Jerry. Pimp free, like you said! Give me a shout. I’m good for a freebie.”

I washed cold. Who was this girl? I glanced up at the bed. Gavin was still out. I knew I shouldn’t read any more, but I remembered Jenny at the coffee shop saying, “What do you really know about Gavin, as he is now?”

I scrolled through the messages that woke me up. Her name was Candy, of course. She asked where he’d been lately. Then, “I learned a little rope bondage just for you. Tie up those strong arms.”

When he didn’t respond, she’d sent the picture.

Maybe it was a joke, maybe the picture was random. Maybe this was a friend. I set the phone down, unwilling to spy any more.

But then I thought — is he being careful? We were using condoms now, but we hadn’t been. What if he had been with a prostitute?

I picked the phone up again and clicked on Candy’s name to bring up their entire history. It went back a year. Meetups. Him telling her to ditch Jerry. Him worried because she had a black eye. Lots and lots of sexting. Him writing her, asking if she was available that night.

But nothing about ordinary things, dates, or movies, or normal conversation. In one she warned him Jerry was forcing her to up her rate to $125.

I wanted to put the phone down, but then I saw another name that looked suspicious. Lolly. I clicked on her. She also sent images of herself, large heaving breasts, pulling aside her panties. He was not as close to this one, as all their communication was businesslike. Locations. Times.

I closed the phone. What had he done? I sorted through the clothes, my chest heaving, fat tears dripping off my nose. I wasn’t going to blame him for what he’d done. That was his past. But he wasn’t the person I thought he was. He’d become somebody else, someone I wasn’t sure I could live with.

My shirt was on backwards and chafed my neck with the tag, but I didn’t care. I had to get out. My keys jingled as I crept to the door, and Gavin shifted on the bed. Afraid he would wake, I tore through the house, wrenching open the door, and hurtling across the pathways to the parking lot. Thankfully I had met him here before we left and had my car. As it started up, I saw him come out his door, wrapped in a sheet. He was shouting, but I couldn’t hear him and backed out of the spot.

He would come after me, I knew, so I couldn’t go home, not right away. I’d find some place to wait out the night.


•*´`*•*´`*•


Jenny’s face was sympathetic when she opened her door close to noon. I had texted her hourly starting at nine, but apparently she’d been busy with Lumberjack and hadn’t checked.

She yanked me into a hug. “Corabelle, you look like death. Come in here.”

Color exploded throughout her tiny apartment, pink sofa, yellow chairs, big swaths of silk fabric hanging from the center of the ceiling like a circus tent. “Wow, Jenny.”

She whirled around the living room. “Like it? I never want to see anything dull.”

“You achieved that.” I realized I had not been in anyone’s apartment the whole year I had lived in San Diego, not until I walked into Gavin’s. When had I become a hermit? I sat down on the vivid sofa, pushing a sequin pillow aside.

She sank into one of the furry side chairs, plucking at the baby-chick fuzz. “So, you want to tell me what happened?”

I shook my head.

“Oookay. Well, let’s do girly things.” She popped out of her seat. “I’ll get the nail polish.”

I felt too exhausted for aiming colored lacquer at my nails, and when she disappeared, I dropped my head to the arm of the sofa. The images from Gavin’s phone wouldn’t leave me. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw the glowing round boobs of Lolly, the sprawled body of Candy. No wonder Gavin could send me spiraling so fast. He’d been learning from the best.

I wanted a doctor. VD tests. An antiseptic. Definitely a scalding shower.

I could hear Jenny opening and closing drawers. The need for blackness overwhelmed me. I wanted comfort, an escape from my own head. I knew I shouldn’t do it, as Jenny could come back any minute, but still, I held my breath, relaxing into the cushions, exhaling slowly to avoid my lungs forcing me to breathe. If I did it right, I’d be out, then asleep, and life would be so much more manageable.

Even with my eyes closed, the colored spots danced in front of me. My chest fought with me for a moment, then I started to go, slipping into oblivion.

It seemed only minutes passed before sounds woke me up, but the Hello Kitty clock on the wall read five o’clock. Something clanged in the kitchen, followed by Jenny’s “Dang it!”

Sequins imprinted my face. I’d fallen onto a sparkly pillow. I rubbed my fingers along the indentations on my cheek. My hair stuck up every direction, tangled into a mat.

Jenny’s head poked around the wall that divided the room. “Sleepyhead! I’m trying to make food. Somewhat successfully.”

I stood up but my legs wobbled, so I sat back down again. We’d spent too much time on that rock last night, and done too many things. The back of my shoulder blades were chafed. Well, that was over.

Something inside me wanted to escape, a wail, like a ghost’s lament. I should talk to Gavin, get it all out. But I just couldn’t. Even if all that was past, I couldn’t made peace with it, not now at least. Maybe eventually. I tried placing the image of Gavin with those paid women next to the one of him in high school, so sweet and clean-cut. It wouldn’t go. I felt like I had been with his evil twin, or a black-sheep brother.

Jenny sat next to me. “You ready to talk about it yet?”

She seemed so much like a doll, what had Gavin called her? Rainbow Brite. Her hair was extra pink, like she’d just recolored it, falling into a perfect set of bangs across her brow and straight down to her shoulders. Her eyebrows were always an exclamation, thin and rounded, as though she was permanently surprised.

“I’ll take that as a no,” she said, since I hadn’t moved or spoken. “Come over here and eat something.” She took my arm and led me over to a tiny table with two chairs. “I made some eggs and toast.”

The surface was painted with bright flowers. I traced the outlines of roses and tulips. When my fingers came across a butterfly, the wail filled me again, but I kept it inside, closing off any way for it to escape.

Jenny set a lime-green plate in front of me, prettily arranged with fluffy eggs and two triangles of toast. She placed the fork in my hand, closing my fingers around the silver handle. “I will feed you if you don’t eat it yourself.”

I slid the tines into a puff of egg and lifted it to my mouth. I swallowed and my stomach rebelled, flooding me with nausea. Jenny still watched me, so I picked up the toast and bit off a corner. At last she seemed satisfied and sat across the table.

“So I’m guessing this has to do with muscle man. Let me guess. He’s sticking more than one blowhole.”

I almost choked on the bread.

Jenny hopped up and fetched the orange juice she’d forgotten on the counter. “Here, drink.” She handed me the cup. “Man-meat like your ex always have girls on the side.”

If she only knew. I wished I had a delete button for my memory so that I could erase those images. Candy. Lolly. Couldn’t they have something more original? Maybe those were Gavin’s nicknames.

My stomach heaved, and I knew if I swallowed one more bite, it would come right back up.

“Okay,” Jenny said. “I can see we’re at DEFCON Five. When I see that boy in class tomorrow, I’m going to kick his muscled ass. AFTER I’ve filled his motorcycle with Karo syrup.”

“Don’t,” I choked out. “Don’t talk to him.”

“She speaks.” Jenny leaned forward on the table. “She speaks only to defend the asshole who got her so upset in the first place.”

I stuck a fork in another bite of egg and shoved it in my mouth so I wouldn’t have to answer. It didn’t want to go down, but I forced it. I had to get a grip.