Kathleen Winsor - Forever Amber

In the distance she saw the glow of the bellman’s lantern and could hear his monotonous refrain: “Past ten o‘clock of a fine warm summer’s night and all’s well. Past ten o’clock—”

Completely absorbed in her worries about Bruce, she had forgotten that Almsbury was there at all. But now she felt his arms go around her, one hand sliding into her dressing-gown, and with the other he turned her about and kissed her on the mouth. Astonished, she gave a little gasp and then suddenly shoved him away, slapping him resoundingly across the face.

“Marry come up, sir!” she cried. “A fine friend you are! When his Lordship hears about this he’ll run you through!”

He stared at her for an instant in surprise, and then threw back his head and laughed. “Run me through! Jesus, sweetheart, but you’ve a droll wit! Come, now—surely you don’t think Bruce would give a damn if I borrowed his whore for a night?”

Amber’s eyes blazed in violent anger. Then in a fury she kicked out at his shins, beginning to pound his chest with her clenched fists. “I’m not a whore, you damned dog! Get out of here—Get out of here or I’ll tear you to pieces!”

“Hey!” He grabbed her wrists, giving her a shake. “Stop it, you little vixen! What are you trying to do? I’m sorry. I apologize. I didn’t—”

“Get out, you varlet!” she yelled.

“I’m going. I’m going—Hold your bawling.”

Picking up his hat, which she had knocked off, he crossed to the door. There, with his hand on the knob, he turned to face her. She was still glaring at him, fists planted on her hips, but tears glistened in her eyes and it was all she could do to keep from crying. His flippancy vanished.

“Just one thing, sweetheart, before I go. Contrary to what your Aunt Sarah may have told you—a man’s not insulting you when he invites you to bed. And if you’d be honest you’d admit yourself you’re flattered that I did. For if there’s one thing a woman will never forgive a man—it’s not wanting to lie with her. Now I’ll trouble you no more. Good-night.” He made her a bow and opened the door.

Amber stood and looked at him like a little girl getting a lesson in etiquette from her grown-up uncle. She was beginning to find that her suit of country morals was as much out of fashion here in London as her cotton petticoat and green woolen skirt had been. Now she held out her hand in an impulsive but still uncertain gesture, and took two or three steps toward him.

“My lord—don’t go. I’m sorry—Only—”

“Only you’re in love with Bruce.”

“Yes.”

“And so you think you shouldn’t lie with another man. Well, my dear, perhaps someday you’ll discover that it doesn’t make so very much difference after all. And if you do—Your servant, madame.” He made her another bow.

She stood and looked at him, not knowing what to do next. For though she had to admit to herself that she really was, in a sense, flattered by his proposal, she could not agree with him that fidelity to the man you loved was of no importance. It seemed incredible she could ever so much as think of lying with another man. She never would, not as long as she lived.

And then there came again the sound of a coach rattling over the cobblestones; she whirled around and ran once more to the window. The coach came careening down the street, rocking from side to side, the driver hauled on the reins and it stopped just beneath. Nimbly as a monkey the footman got down from his perch and ran to open the door, and after a moment Lord Carlton got out, turning then to speak to someone inside. Another footman held a flaring torch which lighted one side of his Lordship’s face and threw stark shadows up the street and upon the walls of the houses.

Amber was about to lean out and call a greeting when, to her horror, a woman thrust her head from the coach-window and she caught a glimpse of a beautiful white face, laughing, and a tumbling mass of red hair. Bruce’s head bent above her and she heard their voices murmuring. After a moment he stepped back, bowing and removing his hat, the footman closed the door and the coach rolled away. He turned and disappeared through the arch below.

Amber stood clutching at the sill, almost sick enough to faint. And then, by a great physical effort, she straightened again and turned slowly about. The colour had washed out of her face and her heart was beating violently. For several moments she stood and stared before her—not even seeing Almsbury who was watching her with a kind of compassionate sympathy on his face. She let her eyes close and one hand went up slowly to her forehead.

At that moment the door opened and Bruce came in.

HE paused as if in surprise, glancing from one of them to the other, but before he had had time to say a word Amber burst into tears and ran into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her and flinging herself onto the bed.

The sobs wrenched and tore at her and she gave herself up to them with complete abandon. This was the most miserable moment in all her life and she had no wish to be brave and restrained. Suffering in silence was not her way. And, when he did not come in immediately, running after her as she had expected, she grew increasingly hysterical—until finally she began to retch.

But finally she heard the door open and then the sound of his footsteps crossing the floor. Her sobs became louder than ever. Oh! she thought vehemently, I wish I’d die! Right now! Then he’d be sorry!

The room began to glow as he lighted a couple of candles. She heard him toss his cloak and hat aside and unbuckle his sword, but still he said nothing. At last she lifted her head from her arms and looked at him; her face was streaked and her eyes red and swollen.

“Well!” she cried, challenging him.

“Good evening.”

“Is that all you have to say?”

“What else should I say?”

“You might at least tell me where you’ve been—and who you’ve been with!”

He was untying his cravat now, and taking off his doublet. “Don’t you think that that’s my business?”

She gasped, as hurt as if he had struck her. She had given herself to him so wholeheartedly, with not a single reservation, that she had made herself believe he had done the same. Now she realized all at once that he had not. His life had not changed, his habits had not changed, she had scarcely touched him at all.

“Oh,” she said softly, and looked away.

For a moment he stood watching her, and then he came suddenly and sat down on the bed. “I’m sorry, Amber, I didn’t mean to be rude. And I’m sorry I had to leave you—spoil your evening that you’ve been counting on for so long. But it really was business that called me away—”

She looked at him skeptically, the tears brimming over her eyes again and falling in drops onto her satin gown. “Business indeed! What kind of business does a man do with a woman!”

He smiled, his eyes tender and yet amused. She always had the feeling, and it made her uncomfortable, that he did not quite take her seriously.

“More than you might imagine, darling, and I’ll tell you why: The King can’t possibly satisfy or repay everyone who was loyal to him—he’s got to make a choice from among a thousand claims, one as good as another. I don’t think his Majesty could ever be persuaded by a woman—or anyone else—to do something he didn’t want to, but when it comes to choosing between several things he’d like to do—why then the right woman can be very useful in helping him to make up his mind. Just now there’s no one who can do more to persuade the King than a young woman named Barbara Palmer—who’s been kind enough to use her influence in my behalf—”

Barbara Palmer!

So that was the woman she had seen!

She had a sudden horrified sense of defeat, for certainly the woman who could charm a king must have some almost unearthly allure. Her confidence plunged, beaten and overwhelmed by her own superstitious belief that a King and everything which surrounded him was more than half divine. Her head dropped into her hands.

“Oh, Amber, my dear—please. It’s not as serious as that. She happened to be driving by and saw my coach and sent up to ask if I was there. I’d have been a damned fool to refuse. She’s helped me get what I wanted more than anything on earth—”

“What? Your lands?”

“No. Those were sold. I won’t get them back again unless I can buy out the present owner, and I don’t think I will. She helped me persuade the King and his brother to go into a privateering venture with me; they both contributed several thousand pounds. I got my letter-of-marque yesterday.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s a letter from the King authorizing the bearer to seize the vessels and cargo of other nations. In this case I can take Spanish ships sailing off the Americas—”

Her fear and jealousy of Barbara Palmer vanished.

“You’re not going to sea?”

“Yes, Amber, I am. I’ve bought two ships of my own, and with the money I’ll get from the King and York I can buy three more. As soon as they’re provisioned and the men are signed we’ll sail.”

“Oh, Bruce, you can’t go away! You can’t!”

A flicker of impatience crossed his face. “I told you that day in Heathstone I wouldn’t stay long. It’ll be two months yet, or perhaps a little longer, but as soon as I can, I’m going.”

“But why? Why don’t you get a—a—I forget what Almsbury called ’em—where you get money for helping his Majesty put on his drawers?”

He laughed, though her face was passionately serious. “As it happens I don’t want a what-d‘you-call-’em. I need money, but I’ll get it my own way. Crawling on my belly for the rest of my days isn’t the way I want to do it.”