"Will you be here long?"

"I'm not sure."

Carolyn knew when Raisa was being evasive so she decided to change the subject.

"How is Andreas?" Almost immediately she saw the pain register in Raisa's face.

"He died 8 years ago," Raisa answered looking down at her coffee cup.

Carolyn's hand covered hers. When Raisa looked up Carolyn could see the tears welling up behind the eyes that once had said so much to her.

"I'm sorry," Carolyn said sadly. "I'm so sorry."

Raisa looked back down and her other hand began to caress the hand that Carolyn had placed over hers. Such a simple thing, Raisa said to herself, and such comfort by the mere touch of her hand.

"Love never dies," Raisa finally said out loud.

"No it doesn't, Carolyn replied and as she did Raisa's eyes met hers once more.

"How did it happen?"

Raisa removed her hands and began to fidget. And suddenly Carolyn saw so much of Raisa in Amanda, the withdrawal and the tenseness, the fidgeting and the raw emotions.

"Out on a rig," Raisa answered looking out the window.

"I'm sorry," Carolyn said sadly.

"He should never have been out there," Raisa replied without looking at Carolyn again.

"I'm glad I got to meet him. Andreas was a very special man."

"Yes, yes he was." She paused for a moment then became all business like. "He left a son behind."

"He was married?" Carolyn asked with a smile.

"No, he was not." She did not offer any more explanation.

Carolyn said nothing and Raisa faced her once more.

"She took his money and left him his son," Raisa said bitterly. "She killed a part of him. I killed the rest."

Carolyn stared and could see the old anger poking its head again.

"Raisa..." Carolyn felt her heart go out to the beautiful woman in front of her who tried so hard to be strong and whose pain came through so clearly.

"I'm sorry, I'm running late. It was nice seeing you again," Raisa said as she quickly got up to leave.

Carolyn said nothing as she walked away.

~~~~~~~~~~

Carolyn had driven around all day aimlessly. She was bombarded with an onslaught of emotions. Raisa brought in some ways a ray of her forgotten vigor and youth. Raisa, of course, had also brought back other memories. And along with all the good came the bad. Carolyn once again had felt first hand her moodiness and her inability to face...and suddenly Carolyn saw it clearly. Raisa didn't run from love. She never had. Raisa had always fought for it and rejoiced it. Raisa ran from being loved. Being loved frightened her. Because suddenly Raisa would be faced with the possibility of hurting someone she cared for. In her own way Raisa thought that if they didn't love you, you couldn't hurt them.

Carolyn stopped in front of her garage and just let her head fall back. She raised her head as the truth was finally revealed after all this time. Raisa had been afraid of her.

Carolyn had always mistaken her bravado and her passion for aggression. And it had been neither. It had been her need to pull what she wanted to her. It had been her need to hold what was precious to her. It had always been the fear to loose. She had lost all that she had loved. Thank god she still had Nona, Carolyn told herself otherwise, once having known the passionate woman, her pain would be unbearable.

~~~~~~~~~~

Carolyn walked into a full-blown war.

"Don't talk to her like that!" Simon screamed.

"What's going on here?" Carolyn asked as she walked into the room.

"Your daughter has struck again!" Matt yelled.

Amanda was looking at the floor while seating at a nearby chair.

"What happened?" Carolyn asked.

"She was in another fight today," Simon said.

"Maybe you should buy her only pants from now on since she can't seem to behave like a proper young lady!" Matt bellowed.

"Matt!"

"Where were you? I tried calling you all afternoon. They pulled me out of a meeting to pick her up at school!"

"Amanda are you all right?" Carolyn asked her daughter who still said nothing.

"Of course she's all right she can slug it out with the best of em.... She's a regular boy these days."

"Matt! Shut up!" Carolyn spat out.

"Don't you dare talk to me like that!" He went towards her.

"If you touch my mother I'll kill you!" Simon jumped in front of him.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Matt acted indignant, grabbing for Simon.

"Let go of him Matt! Don't you dare touch him!" Carolyn pulled at Matt's arm and Amanda jumped up and started hitting her father.

Amanda kept punching and punching. Carolyn pulled her away and held her tightly as the child through a fit and then quiet suddenly began to sob in her mother's embrace as they both sat on the floor.

Matt stared and Simon sat down and covered his face.

Carolyn caressed her hair and rocked the child in her arms back and forth. "It's all right baby. Everything is going to be all right."

Matt slammed the door on his way out. Carolyn looked up and saw the pain in Simon's eyes as hers filled with tears he came and sat down next to her.

~~~~~~~~~~

Matt stormed into his office. "Claire!"

"Yes Matt, I'm here." Claire came in quickly.

"What's this?" He demanded.

"Those changes just came through."

"Who signed off on these changes in personnel?"

"I did," Raisa said standing at the doorway. "Do you usually get to the office at 11am every morning or is today a special case?"

Claire wanted to disappear into the wallpaper and Matt looked unnerved.

"There was a problem with my daughter at school."

Raisa's inwardly faltered. "Is she all right?"

"She seems to attract trouble," he said with disdain.

"Spirited."

"She will have to learn," he said to her in a challenge.

She seemed unfazed when she answered before walking away. "Some of us never do."

"Bitch," Matt said under his breath.

Claire looked to see if Raisa might have overheard and took a deep breath of relief when she kept walking.

"Matt..."

"Claire, do you know why she's here?"

"Memo on your desk. The totem pole is being shook. She has taken over that big office on the 11th floor."

"Shit! Shit! Shit!" He spat and grabbed a glass holder on his desk and threw it against the wall.

Claire stared in horror. Matt sat down behind his desk and turned his chair to stare out the window.

Claire left the office and closed the door behind her as quietly as possible.

~~~~~~~~~~

That afternoon Matt marched straight up to the 11th floor. He had been summoned.

"Come in Matt," Raisa said as she kept reading the papers in front of her.

Matt sat down not too happy.

She suddenly looked up. "Do you want the European seat?"

Matt had expected a fight and he was being offered a prize. His mouth hung open.

"Should I consider your silence a yes?" She asked as she looked back down at her papers in boredom.

"Yes! Raisa I don't know what to say.... I never expected," he blurted out.

"Don't say anything to anyone yet. Give me a week," she said as she looked up again.

"Of course, I understand. Thank you Raisa." He was drooling all over himself with joy.

"Well, then consider it done. I'm busy Matt we'll talk later."

He had been dismissed. He got up and walked out the door in utter joyful shock.

~~~~~~~~~~

Copeco sponsored many community events in Dallas. This particular event was horsemanship. These were some of the things that Raisa enjoyed participating in. This event in particular was a competition of sorts for children from 8-10 year olds for horsemanship and jumping. She had noticed since her arrival several good riders. Before the next round she decided to go down to the paddock and see some of the young riders and the horses they were competing with.

All the riders competed with numbers. It had always been done this way so as to promote non-favoritism. She remembered that she had really liked how well rider number 9 had done.

When she saw the child with that number on their back she naturally walked there first.

"Hi," Raisa said as she approached.

"Hi."

"You were really very good today," Raisa praised.

"Thanks, but I almost hit the top pole that last jump." The child removed her helmet and dark hair covered her shoulders.

"You should pin that back." Raisa smiled and pointed at her hair.

"Yeah, I know but I sweat more that way."

"I used to let mine loose too," Raisa conceded with a smile.

Amanda was intrigued and smiled back.

"Do you ride?"

"I have done my share. I have quite a few ribbons to show for my bumps and bruises." Raisa smiled broadly.

"Can you give me some pointers about that last jump?"

"Well, actually, yes..."

The two compared notes and laughed a few times in unison.

Simon was walking towards the paddocks when he suddenly stopped and a smile covered his face. He turned around and walked the other way.

~~~~~~~~~~

Carolyn sat on the bleachers and the riders began to get in order of participation. Number 9 came out of the gate with gusto. Carolyn noticed the difference in posture immediately. Amanda seemed to come to life on the horse. She seemed to be taking more chances with her routine and she had sped up her jumps. Carolyn instinctively knew something had changed. On the last jump Amanda barely managed to hang on and as she finished the jump the young rider fell off.