She entered the room with all her demons once more inside her. The woman was getting dressed. "I thought you might want to be alone," the young woman said softly.

The lightning flashed outside once more soon after followed by the roaring thunder "Not yet. I still want to fuck. Walk over there and bend over." Raisa walked up to her and grabbed the dress and ripped it as the thunder rang out even louder than before.

~~~~~~~~~~

Carolyn sat up in bed with a start. She looked around not knowing exactly what she expected. She then looked towards the flashing lights visible from the windows. It was a storm. That's what must have woken her she tried to rationalize. She looked next to her and saw that Matt was sleeping soundly. She lay back down slowly and stared into the darkness.

She hated waking up in the middle of the night like this. Carolyn always felt as if the darkness mocked her. The darkness that once upon a time had been cool and welcoming now felt foreign and menacing.

She got up and went out of her bedroom as she always did when waking in the middle of the night which was often. Carolyn walked through the house in the dark; first checking on Simon and then on her daughter, Amanda. Confirming that both her children were safe and asleep she went to the great room of the house and sat on the lavishly plush white sofa. She seemed to sink into its softness. Her arms went protectively around her body.

Quite suddenly she was filled with a need that she had felt so many times before. Carolyn closed her eyes and allowed her head to fall back. It hurt so much to remember and yet she was cursed not to be able to forget.

She had cursed her, Raisa had. Carolyn could still remember the words and the look in Raisa's eyes. She had cursed her to want what she could not have. Carolyn looked around her. She was surrounded by opulence and wealth. Matt needed to show off at every moment his success. This huge house was just one more showpiece for him like his wife and his children.

Her children were healthy and seemed happy she told herself over and over again. Most women would love to be her. Matt was doing well in the company; his ace always being that he was favored by the head of Copeco herself. He was admired by his colleges and had gone far within the corporate ladder. He was one of Copeco's golden boys.

Carolyn had never seen Raisa after she had left Venezuela almost 10 years ago. Raisa had kept her word. All that she had promised Carolyn had come to pass. Raisa had not tried to contact her or so much as interfere in her life. Carolyn had not heard her voice or even seen a photograph of her and yet Raisa was more a part of her than she was when they had been lovers. Raisa was under her skin and in her blood. Raisa filled her mind and her dreams.

Again in desperation Carolyn looked around the room. A heavy wind blew the French doors open and that same wind filled the room. The sounds of the storm and its passion swirled around her and Carolyn cried out in pain into the maelstrom. "Ohhhhhh......." She closed her eyes only to feel the hunger that would never be quenched. She was filled with a need to touch and feel and taste and want and want and want......"Raisa..." she cried into the darkness.

~~~~~~~~~~

Raisa felt the rush of pleasure fill her and she screamed out. She sat up in bed in the middle of the night. Her body was covered with perspiration. She felt sated and cold at the same time. Only at these moments, after these dreams that she did not know whether to call them sent from heaven or hell, did she truly feel alive. She shook her head in frustration and screamed again. She lay back down staring at the ceiling. Breathing heavily still, she tried catching her breath after making love to a memory of a woman that still haunted her even now after all these years.

It had been almost ten years to the day that she had last touched Carolyn. She had fucked so many women that after awhile she lost count and all faces blended together. Raisa realized that in cursing Carolyn that day she had cursed herself as well. Only in dreams did Raisa feel pleasure. Only in her dream world did she allow a woman to touch her and possess her. She had fought loving Carolyn ten long years. It was enough she finally told herself. She sat up and stared into the emptiness of her bedroom. She was alone. She finally acknowledged that it was by choice.

~~~~~~~~~~

When Carolyn woke up in the morning she felt stiff she stretched as if to bring to life a body that had been dormant for many years. For a moment she put out her hand to her eyes to block out the sunlight. She then looked around the room. Leaves were strewn everywhere. The marble floor seemed wet near the French doors that were still stood wide open. Carolyn got up slowly and walked over to the welcoming sunshine coming from outside. She looked around her garden and was suddenly filled with newfound vigor. All was covered with the dew of a new morning. She could hear the singing of the birds and her nose was suddenly filled the smell of roses. "Mmmmmm...." She breathed in and closed her eyes in a comforting gesture. "The night is over.... It's a new day."

~~~~~~~~~~

The old woman held Raisa tightly to her and wept. Raisa was immediately filled with guilt and regret.

"I'm sorry it's been so long Nona." She held the old woman in a tight embrace as well. "I've been busy.... I should have come sooner."

"How long can you stay this time?" The old lady was looking into her eyes now.

"A few days, I can only stay a few days," Raisa said sadly looking away.

"Come, let us sit in the shade for awhile."

Raisa followed Nona to the verandah and sat next to her.

"Antonio bought some new horses. You might like to see if there is one that might please you in the bunch." Nona looked at her tentatively.

"No, I will just ride whatever when I come to visit. There is no need for me to select an animal for myself."

"Raisa, you must forgive yourself for Furioso. You must let that go," Nona said gently.

Raisa got up quickly and walked over to the railing. She looked at the sights that once had given her so much joy and somehow she realized she had lost that feeling. She no longer felt peaceful here.

"I killed him Nona. He trusted me and I killed him." She spoke with no emotion.

"Raisa..."

"We can't lie to each other you and I." Raisa turned and was now facing the old woman. "I killed him."

Nona looked down unable to dispute the truthfulness of the words. "You were not yourself in those days."

"That is no excuse, he trusted me, loved me and I, with no regard, took his life because..." Raisa turned her back to the old woman unable or unwilling to continue.

Nona looked up now. "If you speak about her perhaps the ghosts will leave you," the old woman said softly. "Raisa..."

"No," Raisa simply said.

"Mi Angel..." My Angel...

"I don't want to have this conversation," Raisa stared firmly.

"Raisa, you have to let this anger go. It is making you..."

"Evil!" Raisa and faced the old woman with a cold mask on her features.

"No mi angel, you are not evil," the old woman said sadly.

"You are the only one that believes that." Raisa walked further down the verandah then turned to face Nona again.

"I am getting old Raisa, I want you to find some peace before I leave this world."

Raisa suddenly closed the distance between them and knelt down in front of the old woman.

"Are you ill Nona?"

The old woman smiled and caressed Raisa's face lovingly. "Not ill little one, just old."

Raisa put her head on the old woman's lap and as expected the Nona caressed the dark tresses.

"I have missed you little one," the old woman said softly as tears ran down her face. "You have let this anger live inside you too long. All your passion for life has turned into something else." Nona continued to speak softly and gently to her.

"You are all I have Nona," Raisa said and looked up at the old woman.

"You must allow yourself to love Raisa. Or you will disappear one day. Mi angel, I won't always be here. I want you to allow your self to love again."

"I don't want love. I don't need it," she said curtly and got up.

"Raisa!"

"No! People like me should just stay away from those sentiments. Have you forgotten it all? Don't make me into something that I 'm not! Don't lie to yourself."

"Raisa! Andreas' death was not your fault!" Nona said firmly.

"I should have been there. All he ever wanted to do was live here in his beloved Virago, he went into Copeco because of me, because of all that happened when..." she trailed off.

"After Carolyn left. Why don't you say her name and go on with your life."

"Because I can't! Because she was my life. Because.... Nothing mattered after she left me." Raisa finished saying and she turned her back to the woman as her eyes began to fill with tears. "Because, when she left I felt nothing. I ran Furioso to his death. I ...only thought of what I wanted. Andreas came to Copeco because I wanted it. He died out in that rig because I sent him." She finished with a sob.

Nona walked up to her and held her tightly. Raisa tried to pull away at first then just allowed herself to let go finally.

"All I know how to do is destroy Nona. All that I ever loved I have destroyed." Raisa pulled away and stared out into the forest. "I can't even feel anymore. I can't or I won't... I don't know." She closed her eyes and at that moment Nona saw the years that had passed show on her face.