Laura Miller - For All You Have Left

I panic. I feel as if I should be embarrassed of stalking him yesterday — as if he knows or something — even though it really was Hannah who was doing most of the stalking. I quickly roll the newspaper back up and force my lips to move.

“Hi,” I say and quickly drop my eyes.

Oh my God. I notice my bare legs where my sweatshirt ends. It looks as if I’m not wearing any pants. I tug at the boxers, trying to will them to be longer, but I don’t think they’re any match against my oversized sweatshirt.

“Hi,” he says, with a warm smile. “I just moved in.”

There’s a second where I don’t say anything. I know it’s my turn to talk, but I haven’t got the foggiest idea of what to say. What if he heard Hannah yesterday through the door? What can I say that makes me look less like a creeper?

“Really?” I ask, at last, giving him a pretend, puzzled look. My voice sort of cracks, and I clear my throat and try my best to recover. “You must be a really quiet mover. I didn’t even notice.”

He chuckles and looks down at his welcome mat.

“I tried to keep it down,” he says, looking back up. “I’m Jorgen.”

He takes a step and extends his hand toward me.

“Ada,” I say, meeting his hand.

“Ada,” he repeats, almost as if he’s questioning whether I know my own name or not. But he seems strangely relieved, at the same time.

My eyebrows instinctively wrinkle a little in response to his questioning look as I take my hand back and run it through my wild strands of hair. But I figure out quickly that trying to tame my bed head is pretty useless, and I give up.

He’s still staring at me — as if he’s trying to place me in his memory or something.

“We’ve uh…,” I stutter. “We’ve never met, I don’t think,” I try to reassure him.

He doesn’t quite look satisfied.

“I’m a…,” I start and then laugh nervously. “I’m not a one-night stand or a girl you never called, I promise,” I say, forcing out another laugh.

He doesn’t even crack a smile, and his deep stare on me turns even more unreadable. I put my hand on my doorknob and start to turn it. I’m now completely and utterly embarrassed. But at least the mystery is solved. He’s a weirdo who stares a lot and who can’t take a joke. I can’t wait to tell Hannah.

“No,” he suddenly says.

I stop instantly and slowly turn back toward him. His eyes are wide now, and his face is flushed.

“That’s not what I was thinking.” His voice is softer this time.

“No, I know. I’m sorry. I was just kidding,” I rattle off.

He lowers his eyes and shakes his head. “I know,” he says, starting to grin.

Then, there’s another awkward pause, and I start to turn again but something stops me. It seems as though I’ve come to acquire some sort of an affinity for strange neighbors. Plus, maybe the joke wasn’t the best for having just met someone. I feel weird just leaving on that.

“Are you new to Columbia?” I ask because I don’t know what else to say.

He looks up at me.

“Uh…no, actually, I’m just moving from across town. You?”

“No,” I say, “not new. I’ve basically been here my whole life. My family moved here from Independence when I was young.”

He nods his head. “I grew up in a small town east of here — Berger.”

I immediately recognize the name. I did a story several months back about a guy in that area. The little town was next to some other small town, and they were both known for something. It takes me a second, but it finally comes to me.

“By Hermann,” I say. “You have the wineries.”

He nods. “That would be us.”

There’s a pause before I open my mouth again. “Well, welcome to this side of town. It’s quiet. Nice. No complaints.”

He’s smiling by the time I finish.

“I like what I see so far,” he says, looking around and eventually landing back on my pantless legs.

And that would be my cue to exit. I haven’t ruled out that he’s not a dangerous weirdo yet.

“Well, it was nice to meet you,” I quickly stammer.

I reach again for the doorknob.

“It was nice to meet you too, Ada.”

I meekly smile in his direction one last time and then turn the knob and push through my door. It closes behind me, and I twist the dead bolt and let go of a breath.

A moment goes by, and I’m still standing with my back against the door replaying the last few minutes of my life, thankful that they’re over, until I slowly slide to the middle of the door and fix my right eye over the peep hole. He’s still staring at my door. Startled, I quickly move my eye away from the little window. But after a second, I find myself gravitating toward the glass again. I watch as he picks up his newspaper and looks at my door one more time — and this time, I don’t flinch. He looks my way for a second, arches one eyebrow and then turns and slides back inside his apartment.

God, Hannah was right. His eyes really are so blue, and his muscles are definitely…well, noticeable.

I close my eyes and for a second, I think about him and his blue eyes and his big muscles and his perfectly tanned skin. And I forget about my luck with neighbors and my big, awkward mouth and his staring obsession, until another image skips to the forefront of my mind and plops right down. It’s of Suri at a table with her four cat-people sitting across from the Renaissance queen, a horse and a jousting stick. A sigh instantly follows.

“Damn it,” I whisper to myself. “I wonder where he hides all his cats.”

“He can’t be dangerous,” Hannah puffs. “They wouldn’t let him live here, right? They check for that stuff — on the application?”

I think about it for a second.

“I guess. But maybe he’s never been caught or he…”

“Lada,” my sister scolds.

I hate her scolding voice.

“Not every guy has something wrong with him. So, he was weird when you first met him. Maybe he was just taken aback by your rugged, morning beauty.”

I roll my eyes.

“Okay, well, if he’s not a total weirdo, then I’m pretty sure I already scared him off anyway. Hannah, I might as well have been naked.”

She forces out a laugh.

“Really, Lada?” Her voice has turned sarcastic. “You really think you scared him off by showing up at his door naked?”

I sigh loudly and try to push back a smirk. “You really would set me up with a convicted criminal, wouldn’t you? You’re that desperate, aren’t you?”

“Hey, he hasn’t been convicted…yet,” she corrects.

Then, suddenly, there’s a knock at the door, and we both freeze.

My lips part, and I feel my eyes grow wide as I immediately find Hannah. Her eyes are wide too, but she’s smiling.

A second goes by like this — with neither of our expressions changing.

“See who it is,” Hannah finally whispers, gesturing her finger toward the door.

I slowly turn and face the door, then tiptoe over to it and hover over the peep hole, and instantly, I feel my heart drop.

“It’s him,” I mouth, looking back at Hannah and pointing at the door.

“Who?” she asks.

“Next door,” I whisper.

Just then, her face lights up, and she grabs her keys.

I shake my head.

“No,” I mouth in her direction. “Do. Not. Leave. Me.”

“I’ve gotta run,” she says, ignoring me.

“Hannah,” I say, trying my best to shout at her in a whisper.

She continues to ignore me, while I watch her run around my apartment and gather up her things. Leave it to Hannah to have a conversation with me about how my neighbor might be an axe murderer and then a minute later, she’s leaving me alone with him. I sigh and roll my eyes.

“Okay, fine,” I mumble under my breath.

I force my attention to the door and suck in some air. Then, on three, I push the air out of my lungs and swiftly pull open the door.

Jorgen takes a moment before he speaks.

“Your keys,” he says, eventually, holding up his big hand and dangling a fuzzy, pink keychain from his finger. “You left them in your door.”

My chest rises and then falls. Well, at least I’m making it easy for him to kill me.

“Hi, I’m Hannah, Lada’s sister,” Hannah says before I can even get the words thank you out.

She bumps up against me and extends her left hand toward him. Hannah’s right-handed, and I would question what she’s doing, but I already know.

“Lada?” he repeats, almost as if it’s a question.

He pauses for a second but then seems to brush it off. “I’m Jorgen.”

He meets her left hand with his left.

“Jorgen,” Hannah says. “That’s an interesting name.”

He smiles. “It’s a family name.”

Hannah flashes him an approving look before she turns back to me.

“Invite him over,” she mouths. “No ring.”

I roll my eyes again, but this time, I only do it in my mind. And before I know it, Hannah is gliding down the stairwell.

“It was nice meeting you, Jorgen,” she calls back up.

“It was nice meeting you too,” he says in her direction before she’s gone.

A moment passes and then Jorgen turns and looks at me with a soft side-smile.

“Lada?” he asks, almost timidly.

I lower my eyes and shake my head.

“It’s a long story,” I say.

“Okay,” he concedes, chuckling a little.

“Paramedic?” I ask, eyeing his blue pants, white, collared shirt and black work boots.

He glances down at his attire.

“Uh, yeah.” He nods his head. “How’d ya guess?”