“Why don't you do your store there, Bernie?” She still loved the idea and the way his eyes sparkled when they talked about it.

“How can I, Meg? That's a full-time project.”

“Not if you know the right people to help you run it. You could run it from San Francisco, or even New York, once it really got started.”

He shook his head, smiling at her innocence. There was an enormous amount of work involved which she didn't understand. “I don't think so.”

“Why not do it anyway? Try it.” She had always encouraged him and he felt a spark of interest ignite in him again.

“I'll think about it.” But he was more excited about their plans for New Year's Eve. They had decided to spend it together, even if she was on call. He didn't mind that, and he had promised to drive to Oakville after his meetings in town on the thirtieth. It made it less painful to leave her that afternoon. She had to pick up her things at the Carlyle after lunch and fly back to Boston. And he had to go to a meeting with Paul Berman. He had two days left with his parents and the children and they flew by. And two days later, he was back on the plane to San Francisco and excited to see Megan again. He could hardly wait till the following night when he was planning to drive to Oakville. She had flown from Boston the day before, but when he'd called her she had been in the emergency room with a child with a hot appendix. And it was when he was alone in the house again that he realized how empty his house and his life and his heart were without her. He wasn't sure if he missed her, or Liz, and he felt guilty about his own confusion. And it was a relief when the phone rang at eleven that night. He was in the bedroom packing for Napa. It was Megan, and he was so happy to hear her voice he could have cried, but he didn't.

“Are you okay, Bernie?” She asked him that a lot and it touched him profoundly.

“I am now.” He was honest with her. “The house is so empty without Jane and Alex.” …and Liz …and you …and … he forced himself to think only of Megan, no matter how guilty it made him.

She told him about the medical journals on her desk, and it made him smile thinking of his father. And he told her about the meetings he was running the next day, and she brought up the Napa idea again. She insisted that she had a friend who could run a store for him to perfection.

“Her name is Phillippa Winterturn. And you'll love her.”She sounded so excited he smiled. He loved her enthusiasm. She was always full of new ideas bubbling over.

“Good God, Meg, what a name.”

Megan laughed. “I know. But it suits her perfectly. She's got prematurely gray hair, green eyes, and more style than anyone I know and I ran into her in Yountville today. Bernie, she'd be just perfect. She used to work for Women's Wear, and for Bendel's in New York a long time ago. She's fabulous, and she's free now. If you want, I'll introduce you to her.” She wanted him to do the store. She sensed how much he would love it.

“All right, all right. I'll give it some thought.” But he had other things on his mind now. New Year's Eve among them.

They had decided to make dinner together at his house, the following evening. She was going to buy the groceries and they were going to cook together, and with luck she wouldn't get called out before midnight. He could hardly wait to see her. And when they hung up the phone, he stood staring at Liz' closet but this time he didn't touch the door. He didn't open it, he didn't walk in. He didn't want to go near it. He was leaving her inch by inch. He knew he had to. No matter how much it hurt him.





Chapter 41

He got to Napa at six o'clock the next night, and stopped at his place to change. He wanted to get out of his city clothes, and he put on comfortable flannel slacks and a plaid shirt, and over it he put a heavy Irish sweater. He didn't need more than that when he picked her up, and when he got to her office, he could feel his heart pound, he was so excited to see her. She pulled open the door, and without thinking he pulled her into his arms and spun her around as he hugged her.

“A little decorum here, please, Dr. Jones,” her partner teased as he watched them. He knew Megan had been happy lately, and now he knew why. He also suspected they'd seen each other in New York, although she hadn't said so.

The three of them left the office together, and Bernie carried the groceries to his car, as she told him about her day, and he teased her that she wasn't working hard enough. She had seen forty-one patients.

They went back to his place and made steaks and a Caesar salad, and just as they finished the steaks, her beeper went off and she looked at Bernie apologetically.

“I'm sorry. I knew that would happen.”

“So did I. Remember me? I'm your friend. It's okay.” He put the coffee on while she went to the phone and she was back a moment later with a frown.

“One of my teenagers got drunk and locked himself in the bathroom.” She sat down with a sigh, grateful for the mug of coffee he handed her with a smile.

“Shouldn't they call the fire department instead?”

“They did. He passed out and hit his head, and they want me to make sure he doesn't have a concussion. And they think his nose might be broken.”

“Oh Lord.” He smiled at her. “How about letting me play chauffeur tonight.” He didn't want her driving on New Year's Eve, and she was touched by his thoughtfulness.

“I'd like that, Bernie.”

“Finish your coffee while I dump this stuff in the sink.”

She did and they left a few minutes later in the BMW as they headed for the town of Napa. “It's nice and toasty in here,” she murmured happily. And they enjoyed the music on the way down. There was a festive air to the evening even if she was working. “I'm always glad my roof leaks on the Austin. It's so cold and drafty that it keeps me awake at night coming back from the hospital at all hours, otherwise I might wind up wrapped around a tree sometime. But there's no chance of that freezing my ass off.” He didn't like thinking of her in danger or uncomfortable, and he was glad he had driven her tonight with all the drunks on the road. And afterwards they were planning to go back to his place for dessert and more coffee. She didn't want to drink champagne while she was on duty.

“Dr. Jones …Dr. Jones to the emergency room …” They were paging her at the hospital when she got there, and Bernie settled down in the emergency room with a stack of magazines. She promised to be back as soon as she could, and she was back exactly half an hour later.

“All done?” She looked businesslike in her white coat as she nodded, and she took it off and threw it over her arm as they walked out the door.

“That was easy. Poor thing was practically out cold, and he did not break his nose, or have a concussion. But he had a hell of a bump, and he's going to feel awful tomorrow. He drank a pint of rum before his parents found him.”

“Ouch. I did that in college once. Actually rum and tequila. I thought I had a brain tumor when I woke up.”

She laughed at him. “I did it with margaritas when I was at Harvard. Someone had some damn Mexican party, and all of a sudden I couldn't stand up. It was my second year there and I never lived it down. Apparently I did everything except run up and down the street naked and barking.” She laughed at the memory, as did Bernie. “Sometimes I feel a hundred years old when I think of things like that.” They exchanged a warm look and his eyes were gentle on hers.

“One nice thing, you don't look it.” She barely looked thirty, let alone six years older. And it still amazed him to realize he'd be forty on his next birthday. Sometimes he couldn't help wondering where the time went.

They pulled into his driveway an hour and a half after they'd left his house, and he went into the living room to start a fire while she put on water for coffee. He found her in the kitchen a few minutes later and smiled at her. It was an odd way to spend New Year's Eve but they were both happy. And he brought her a steaming mug of coffee as she sat in front of the fire with her legs crossed, looking comfortable and relaxed. She looked at him happily. “I'm glad you came up this weekend, Bernie. I needed to see you.”

It was a nice thing to say, and he felt the same way about her. “Me too. It was so damn lonely in the house in the city, and this is a nice way to spend New Year's Eve. With someone you care about.” He was cautious about the words and she understood that.

“I was thinking of staying up here this week while the kids are gone. I don't mind the commute.” Her face lit up as he said it.

“That sounds wonderful.” She looked enthused as her beeper went off again, but this time it was only a five-year-old with a mild fever and she didn't have to go anywhere. She just gave standard instructions and told them she wanted to see the child in the morning, and to call her back if the little girl's fever went over a hundred and four.

“How do you do that night after night? It must be exhausting.” But he knew how much she loved it. “You give so much of yourself, Meg.” That never ceased to impress him.

“I have no one else to give it to, why not?” But she didn't look sad as she said it. It was something they had talked about before. In a way, she was married to her practice. But as she looked at him something strange happened. He suddenly couldn't keep within the boundaries he had set for himself before. Just hugging her had opened doors of desire he could no longer close. And as though it were the most natural thing in the world, he took her in his arms and kissed her. He kissed her for a long, long time, as though remembering how as he went along and liking it more and more as he did it. And when he stopped, they were both breathless. “Bernie? …” She wasn't sure what they were doing, or why. She was only sure of one thing. That she loved him.