Mavis Applewater - Finding My Way

The students departed with unusual speed. I sensed that they were not heeding Allison’s warning not to freak out over the final. “Thank you for the endorsement.” I said as I approached her.

“Anytime.” Allison replied quietly as she began to fill her briefcase without a single glance in my direction. She was so sullen. It was not like her. After a class she was usually very up. Still not looking at me she sunk into the chair at her desk. It was the first time I had seen her use her chair. Normally she stood or sat on the desk. She seemed so tense as she began to rub her eyes. Without thinking I stepped behind her and began to rub her shoulders. “Don’t.” She warned me bitterly.

“I’m sorry.” I said softly removing my hands. Once again my body reacted before my brain had an opportunity to stop me. It had just seemed so natural to reach out to her. Just as natural as it was to climb into her arms this morning. Had I been thinking clearly I would have realized that I was the source for her tension.

“I have things to do.” She muttered coldly. “I will see you at the Dean’s Tea.”

“Fine.” I snapped as I spun on my heels and stormed out.

The Dean’s Tea was incredibly dull. It was divided into two groups of people. Those who were fighting for Dean Tanner’s attention and those who were trying to avoid him. However it did allow me an opportunity to meet some of my new associates. Everyone seemed to be very nice. There was a feeling of family among my fellow staff members. I knew that I was going to love working at Haven. All I needed to do was to get Allison Kendell out of my system once and for all. That seemed to be getting easier by the moment. I spent the majority of the afternoon searching the crowd for the familiar tall dark figure that had turned my world spinning. Allison was nowhere to be seen. It was not likely that I simply could not find her. Even with the large crowd, the six-foot raven-haired beauty was a commanding presence.

I could not blame her. After all I was the one who kept crossing the line. Maureen approached me and touched me gently on the shoulder. “Can I talk to you for a moment?” She said quietly so she would not be over heard by prying ears. I simply nodded my consent and we made our way down the path into the garden located behind the Dean’s home. Once we were alone Maureen finally spoke. “Stephanie I am worried about Allison.” The worry was written plainly on the usually jovial woman’s face.

“Why?” I questioned uncertain as to what I should and should not say regarding Allison’s notable absence.

“She has been tense and flashing attitude all day.” Maureen explained with concern. “I know Allison has a smart mouth. Hell it is part of her charm. But it is not like her to be such a bitch. This morning she almost took poor Grace’s head off.” Grace was the secretary that Allison and I shared with two other instructors. The elderly woman was always cheerful and there was nothing she could not accomplish. I honestly believe that she could locate Jimmy Hoffa’s remains if requested to do so.

“Maybe she is just hung over from last night.” I lied hoping to offer some explanation that would ease some of Maureen’s worries.

“I hope that you are right.” Maureen sighed in exasperation. “She was never a big drinker. But still she really needs to be here and she knows it. I know that this tea is nothing more than an ass kissing contest but Allison is in a vulnerable position right now.”

I thought back to the heated conversation I overheard this morning between the two women. “Are her chances of making tenure in trouble?” I asked worried that I had somehow let my new friend down.

“Yes.” Maureen confessed. “It’s not fair she is twice the teacher of anyone in the department, myself included. But she has not published anything in almost two years. And the works that she has published in the past are not literary gems.” I felt a stab of guilt as Maureen’s words hit me.

“Publishing means that much here?” I sneered in disgust. I will never understand the politics of higher learning. Allison was truly gifted when it came to teaching. That didn’t seem to be important. What was important is that she pad her credentials so the University could parade them around.

“It means the same here as any other University.” Maureen explained. “You do not have any worries. With everything that you have already published and your more than impressive background the Dean thinks I scored a major coup by getting you to sign on. Even though Haven is just probably a stepping stone for you.”

“How did you know?” I asked in horror.

“Don’t be so shocked.” Maureen answered with a knowing smile. “I know Haven has a stellar reputation. But we are not Ivy League. Many instructors come here just to pad their credentials. Myself included. When I first came here I simply wanted to put in my time build my reputation and then move on to bigger and better. Before I knew it this became home to me. When I got married I could not think of a better place to raise my children. Plus being offered the department chair was a big incentive as well.”

We stood there in an awkward silence knowing that Maureen needed to say more but she seemed reluctant. Finally she asked the one question I been dreading. “Stephanie what happened between you and Allison?”

“What do you mean?” I choked. How am I going to get out of this one?

“What I mean is that last night the two of you were like two peas in a pod. Then today she seems to be avoiding you. Hell she dumped you with Stan.” Maureen explained in a bewilder tone. “I meant it when I said that I wanted the two of you to get along. It’s not because she is gay is it?”

“No.” I laughed at the irony of her statement. “It is most definitely not her homosexuality.” “It’s mine.” I added silently.

“Then what is it?” Maureen pushed harder.

“Nothing.” I lied once again.

“Stephanie, I consider Allison to be a good friend of mine.” Maureen was determined. “Right now something is very wrong with her and I am getting the same feeling that I get with my kids on report card day. I know you know what is going on so stop hiding it and just spill it.”

I was suddenly relieved that I was not one of Maureen’s children. She wasn’t going to except anything but the truth. So I might as well get it over with and face the music. “Maureen … you do not have to worry about Allison and I getting along.” I swallowed hard terrified that I was about to make a huge mistake. “That is the problem.” Maureen just stared at me blankly waiting for the rest. I had no options but to continue. “Last night we got along a little too well.” I blew out a breath and waited for everything to hit the fan.

“Well that explains it.” She responded calmly.

“I wish someone would explain it to me.” I whined in despair. “Wait. You do not seem to be surprised? Maureen before Allison mentioned my boyfriend did you think I was gay?”

“Yes.” Maureen answered reluctantly.

“Why?” I shouted in amazement. “How could she have seen something that I spent a lifetime hiding from myself?”

“I don’t know.” Maureen answered shyly. “My brother is gay and in college I played a lot of sports and as a result I have many lesbian friends. Over the years I think I developed my own sense of gaydar.”

“Did Allison think I was gay?”

“Well … um … yeah.” Maureen admitted. “We talked about it.”

“You what?” I gasped in shock. “I cannot believe the two of you sat around and discussed my sexuality!”

“Hold on.” Maureen raised her hands in defense. “It’s not what you think. After the two of you met I simply asked her if she thought that you were her religion. She said yes and that was it. Of course I was secretly hoping that the two of you might hook up. She has been single for far too long and I thought that you would be good for her. But she has this thing about dating colleagues.”

“Really? Why is that?” I questioned suddenly intrigued about this new revelation.

Maureen was about to answer my question when I heard very familiar footsteps approaching. I knew it was she before I heard her sultry voice. “Because Chris and I worked together and whenever we had problems the entire firm knew about it. Sometimes before I did.” Allison explained in a flat tone.

“Allison!” I gasped suddenly feeling like a deer caught in the headlights of an approaching vehicle.

“Relax.” She smiled. “You haven’t done anything wrong. I would have told Maureen myself.”

“Where have you been?” Maureen questioned her sternly.

“I have been making nice with the Dean.” Allison explained.

“Really?” Maureen questioned her suspiciously.

“Yes really.” Allison defended herself. “I know I was late so as soon as I arrived I spent all of my time sucking up to the old coot. I may be in a pissy mood but I’m not an idiot.”

“So is everything all right between the two of you or am I going to have to separate you?” Maureen folded her arms across her chest eyeing the both of us.

“Everything is fine.” Allison answered quickly for the both of us. “And just for the record nothing happened last night.” “Maybe not for you.” I thought to myself.

The three of us strolled back to the party, which appeared to be breaking up. Maureen and Allison talked by themselves for a moment. Maureen waved goodbye to me and made her departure. Allison turned to me a tense smile crossed her face as she approached me. She bit her lip as she stared at me intently. She sighed a heavy breath and smiled a more relaxed smile. “Come on. We need to find you some furniture.” She said in a soothing voice.