Rachel Dyken - Fearless

“Do camels need that much water to—”

“The point—” Wes chuckled, glancing in my direction. “—is I have nothing left. All I want is you. My entire focus is on you. My soul desires yours, my heart beats with yours, my life won’t continue in the direction its supposed to—without your hand to lead the way. So as much as I want to sit here and stare at you like a complete lunatic who’s lost his mind…” He sighed and pulled out of the parking lot. “I have a surprise for you. Alone. Away from watchful eyes. Alone. God, Kiersten, you have no idea how much I want to get you alone.”

Wes pulled back onto the freeway and then took the next exit. He didn’t look at me, just kept talking. “I need you alone so I can spend every second, every minute, every damn hour, worshipping your body.” He took the second downtown exit towards Pikes Place. “I could spend years just staring at your hair, let alone your eyes, your lips, you drive me to distraction. Like I said you undo me, I don’t feel complete when I look at you but like a total mess of emotions, like I have no control over anything except for the fact that I know with a fierce determination that you were made for me and I was made for you.” He stopped the car at the first stop light then drove down the hill and parked in a random spot in front of the Sound. He turned the car off, unbuckled his seatbelt and turned towards me. “I can’t explain. I wish I could. I wish there were words I could use, really big words, pretty words, words that would make you swoon and cry all at once. But all I have is this…” He sighed, tears welling in his eyes. “I am yours. And you are mine.”

My eyes blurred as Wes gripped my left hand in his and pressed an open-mouthed kiss to my palm.

The thing about Wes? It was impossible to respond to most of the things that came out of that guy’s mouth. It would be like blowing out a candle. His words seeped into my soul and stayed there.

He stayed there.

I closed my eyes, gripping his hand in mine.

I was his.

He was mine.

Squeezing his hand, I opened my eyes and let out a little breath. Together, we’d stormed the gates of hell, and returned unscathed. Whatever life had for us, whether it be illness or any other giant—we’d go into battle together. Because he wasn’t just my husband, but my friend, my partner, my lover.

My everything.

“We’re here.” Wes unlocked the doors.

I looked around. “Downtown? Are we staying in a hotel down here?” That would be really fun. I mean, I kind of expected Wes to do something different. Not that staying at a hotel downtown wasn’t cool, but he did just marry me in the same room he almost died in so, yeah…maybe a bit of a let down.

“Just wait.” Wes winked. “Oh, and this is for you.”

He handed me a black scarf.

“Er, you shouldn’t have?” I took it from his hands and dangled it between us.

Chuckling, he swiped it from my hands and quickly tied it around my head. “Can you see me?”

“You have a serious issue with blindfolding people,” I grumbled, crossing my arms over my chest.

He laughed and then tugged the blindfold tighter.

“Are you waving in front of me right now?” I asked.

“You tell me,” he whispered.

“Yes?”

“Lucky guess.” He laughed. “Now sit still while I grab our bags and attempt to walk you across the busy street without getting hit by a car.” The car door slammed and when mine opened seconds later, the smell of rain tickled my nose. “Pretty sure my six-year-old self would give me a high five if he could see me now,” Wes boasted.

“Because you were able to blindfold your wife and park within the lines?”

“Hilarious.” Wes pulled me to my feet. “And no, because I get to play real-life Frogger with my wife!”

I sighed, shoulders slumping. “Let me guess, I’m the damn frog.”

“High five.”

I lifted my hand and received a slap from Wes and more laughter. I tried to stay serious I mean he did just call me a frog on our wedding night, but his laugh was infectious.

“You love me.” Wes kissed the top of my head. “Admit it.”

“Only if you admit that you have a problem with blindfolds.”

“You really think you’re in a position to complain?” Wes’s hands moved from my face and landed on my shoulders, and then slowly, his fingertips grazed my breasts as his hands moved down to my hips.

I shuddered.

“Thought so,” he whispered. “Now, hold my hand, while I romance you.”

“In a parking lot. Playing Frogger. Blindfolded.” I counted the three things off on my fingers. “Seems like you have a lot to make up for.”

“I brought Red Bull.” Wes wrapped his arm around me. “Believe me when I say, you’ll be my entire focus…not just for the next few hours, but the rest of our lives.”

We started walking. No idea what direction, but we went slowly. “Almost makes up for the Frogger comment.”

“Believe me, in about fifteen minutes, you won’t even remember your middle name let alone the fact that I compared you to a video game.”

The sound of traffic blared in my ears. We stopped, and then walked across the street. I only knew it was a street because I could look down and see the asphalt.

The road slowly turned into a sidewalk, and then, we were indoors. I just had no idea where.

“Wait here.”

Wes left me on a soft couch. The fabric felt like velvet beneath my fingertips. Were we in a hotel? Or a restaurant? It smelled good. Shrugging, I sat and waited. Waited while Wes Michels went about doing what he does best—shock and awe.

I was happy to wait—until I heard an ambulance in the distance, and then all of a sudden—I was back where I was last year. In the hospital. Waiting for Wes to either live—or die.

I started crying for no reason. It was lame really but suddenly my brain went to that possibility—what if. What if things had turned out differently. What if Wes hadn’t made it. And I wasn’t sitting in a lobby or restaurant waiting for his smiling face. I hated that I was torturing myself but there it was, the fear. Trying to seep into my very soul. Because a world without Wes was like a world without the sun. Pointless and dead. My world would be dead.—Kiersten

Wes

Checking in took a lot longer than I thought it would. I felt bad for leaving Kiersten sitting in the lobby, but I wanted it to be a surprise. I’d planned everything perfectly, not that it saved me from having to fill out so much damn paperwork that I seriously almost broke the pen in half.

“Enjoy,” the receptionist said with a smile.

“We will.” I offered a warm smile in return and walked back to where I’d left Kiersten.

Even wearing a blindfold she looked beautiful. But something was wrong, her shoulders were hunched, and she was holding herself like she needed comforting, like the world was crumbling around her and she was powerless to stop it.

“Sweetheart?” I knelt down in front of her and grabbed her hands. “Are you alright?”

“Y-yes,” she whispered. “I think so.” A solitary tear slid down her cheek.

Panicking, I rose to my feet and then sat next to her, pulling her in my arms. “Are you hurt? What happened? Did something happen? Talk to me.”

“My heart.” She let out a pathetic sigh. “Sometimes even though I know in my heart that you’re alive and you’re here, I just—I go back to that place. I go back to the nightmares, the moments when I realized I might lose you forever. It sucks, and it’s unfair and it’s totally ruining what I’m sure is going to be an amazing wedding night, but it’s just…Wes, it’s terrifying, crippling.” She shuddered and then reached for her blindfold with shaking hands. I stopped her before she could take it off.

“Kiersten, do you trust me?”

“Y-yes.”

“Then leave the blindfold on, sweetheart.” Her hands were like icicles. I brought them to my lips and kissed each fingertip. “I want you to be able to focus on my voice—nothing else. Not the fear, not the anticipation of where we are, but every word coming out of my mouth.” I released a heavy sigh and leaned in so that my lips were grazing her ear. “Kiersten, the worst has happened. I should have died. I didn’t. I’m right here. Next to you. Holding you. When your mind tries to take you to that place—you need to fight it. The battle is in your head. The minute you start giving power to those thoughts you’ve already lost. Fear wins. Don’t let fear win, Kiersten. Love—our love—it can’t flourish where fear is present. Do you get what I’m saying?” I pulled back a bit to watch the reaction on her face.

More tears, and then a muffled, “No.”

Chuckling, I squeezed her harder. “This could be my last night on this earth. I could choose to be afraid and hole up in a hotel room or I could live. Remember you always have a choice. Don’t let your mind cripple what your heart already knows to be true.” I gripped her hand and placed it over my heart. “And Kiersten even if it was my last night. I would do nothing different. Absolutely nothing. Because I’m with you. My other half, my soul mate.”

Kiersten nodded. I couldn’t tell if she was better or if she was still upset. I thought the tears were gone, but I was still concerned. With a sigh, I helped her to her feet and led her down the hall. She adjusted her blindfold with still-shaking hands.

“S-sorry,” she mumbled once we’d been walking in silence for a bit. “I didn’t mean to get all…emotional.”

“Yeah.” I rubbed her back. “But I did call you a frog so I guess we’re kind of even.”

“True.” She giggled. Ah, there was the laugh I was waiting for. The one that made me want to slay every damn dragon in her way and conquer the world over and over again.