Marion Croslydon - Fast Forward

When the confession and the cocoa were finished, she kissed the top of my head.

“I’m going to say to you the same thing I told Josh. It’s time for both of you to let go of the past and stop holding it against yourselves… against each other.”

“But what if we haven’t changed enough, what if we keep making the same mistakes?”

She shifted on the bench so that she now stared straight at me. My spine stiffened under her gaze. “Would you give up Lucas again?”

“No! I’m not sure I’ll be the best mother in the history of motherhood but, I’m sure gonna try hard.”

“There’s no such thing as the best mom, darling. All of us, we just try and do our best.”

“You don’t. I mean, I know Josh thinks you are the best.” I cleared my throat. “When I was a child, I liked to pretend you were my mom. All those Sundays I came here after church to have a slice of homemade apple pie … I pretended you baked it just for me.”

“But I did sweetie. That apple pie was for you. God knows Josh wolfed down enough food the rest of the week.”

Tears tingled my eyelids. “Thank you. That pie used to make me very happy.”

“I want you to promise me something Cassie.” I nodded. I’d have promised her anything. “You and Josh must stop second-guessing each other. Be more open about your feelings. When Lucas comes and lives with you, life is going to get busy. There’ll be school. There’ll be football practice, homework, play dates. It’s so easy to forget about the person living next to you because you don’t have time anymore for each other, for yourselves.” For a second, Miranda’s gaze got lost somewhere over my shoulder. “Never forget that before being Lucas’s mom and dad, you’re a man and a woman who love and respect each other. That’s what’s at the heart of a happy fam—”

Blazing lights tore through the night around the house. An Escalade I recognized parked behind my Chevy. Miranda sprang to her feet and mumbled a bad word I’d never heard her say before. Jack MacBride stumbled out of the SUV. The moment his eyes caught sight of me I knew the night was heading toward a different ending.

He stood at the bottom of the steps that led to the porch, his hands on his hips, his arms akimbo. “I told you I never wanted that trash in my house again.”

His voice was raw. The man had always been a moron, but booze turned him into a first-class jackass.

“It’s a good thing it’s not your house anymore then.” Miranda managed to sound in control but her fists closed tightly. “My father built it and it’ll go to Josh after me. Anyway, I’d like you to leave now. It’s late.”

“Don’t you dare order me around, woman.”

That was it. I wouldn’t let the man push Miranda around.

I stepped around her and looked down at him from the top of the porch.

“Mr. MacBride, please leave.” Having to say ‘please’ to him grated the inside of my throat, but after Miranda’s talk about letting the past go… well, MacBride was the part of my past I was more than happy to let go of.

“Just you shut up, you whore.”

“Jack!”

I held up my hand to keep Josh’s mother from coming forward and standing between her ex-husband-to-be and me.

I wished Josh was there. He was big and he had a way with words. I’d learned a few tricks listening to him talk though. “Mr. MacBride, I believe Miranda’s name is on the deed for this house. If you don’t get off the premise right now, I’m afraid you’ll be trespassing and we’ll have to call the sheriff.”

“Go ahead. I was just with Sheriff Cooper,” he answered with a smirk.

“Jack MacBride, if you don’t get the hell out of here now, I’ll grab that rifle you keep hidden under the staircase and I’ll aim straight at your sorry ass.”

My threat sounded real enough for him to take a step back. Good!

“I’ll make you pay, you skank. You’re no more than your mother’s daughter.”

Ouch! I’d used the word ‘skank’ so many times for Clarissa. It hurt to have it used against me.

Miranda joined my side and pulled me toward her. “Jack, Jeanine treated you badly back in high school, but it has nothing to do with Cassandra. I can’t believe you’re still not over it.” And I couldn’t believe MacBride hated me because my mother broke his heart at seventeen. Still, I heard the bitterness in Miranda’s voice and I was sad for her. She continued. “Please, it’s time to find some peace in our family. We’ll have our grandson back soon. Let’s try and make it good for him.”

“Our grandson?” he puffed and I swear I saw some spit fly out of his mouth. “That boy isn’t my blood. He’s a bastard.”

MacBride could use all the dirty names he wanted for me. I could deal with it because I despised the man. But when it came to Lucas, new rules. I tore myself away from Miranda and jumped down two steps. My eyes locked with his.

“Don’t you dare speak like that about my son, MacBride.”

“You threatening me?”

“I sure am and if you don’t like it, you can shove it up your own ass.”

“You don’t scare me.”

My upper body tilted forward as if I were about to head-butt him. I wasn’t dumb enough to think I could win this fight though. “I’m gonna get that gun.”

“You’re all talk.”

“Watch me.” My anger made me sound lethal.

MacBride’s bluster fizzled. He shrugged and stepped backwards. Relief seeped through me. One, I didn’t want to go to jail for murder. Two, his alkie breath smelled real foul.

Without turning his back on me, he got back into the Escalade, his finger pointing in my direction. “This isn’t over. I won’t let you get away with it.”

Couldn’t this man just let me be? I watched the spots of his backlights disappear at the turn of the road leading back to town.

“I’m sorry you’re paying for your mother’s sin, darling. He loved her bad.” Miranda stood right behind me and her warmth took some of the anger away.

“Love isn’t an excuse for hate.”

“It sure isn’t.” I heard her let a sorrowful breath out. “It sure isn’t.”

“When I found out I was pregnant, I was so scared. Even with Josh by my side, I couldn’t believe I’d be anything but a lame mom like my mother was. I still don’t know, I—”

Miranda rested her hands on my shoulders and squeezed hard. “—Don’t compare yourself to Jeanine. You’re a far better woman than she’d ever be if she’d lived to be one-hundred.”

“But Jack isn’t going to let it go. I understand now why he’s been on my case since I came and lived with Gran. Me being Josh’s best friend must have been a living hell.”

“Good!” Miranda said with sparkles in her eyes.

We shared a bitter giggle but I had a sinking feeling this wouldn’t be the last time I had to deal with Jack MacBride.

Josh

I’d landed back in D.C. from Kansas City last Tuesday night. It was now Monday and I’d only been back to my apartment once since returning, to pick up a change of clothes. I’d been staying in the same stuffy room for almost a week, sharing the cramped space with four other junior staffers.

Unfortunately for everyone involved, the windows of the room wouldn’t open and we’d had to rely solely on air-conditioning to keep the atmosphere vaguely fresh. That and the limited number of showers in the Senate gym made for a smelly bunch.

I found out quickly that, when you work on Capitol Hill, there is always a valid reason to pull an all-nighter; analyzing bills, summarizing memos, developing policy positions.

I wasn’t afraid of hard work. It wasn’t as if I’d coasted through Georgetown and Oxford. But over the last week, each time my brain had disconnected from whatever was thrown at me by Estevez or his Deputy Chief of Staff, Peter Hewitt, Lucas’s face sprang to mind. If this was a taste of my future working life, I wouldn’t be around much. I wouldn’t be there to read him a story at nighttime or take him to after-school football training. Or karate class. Or whatever.

I’d still had that dream I could change the world. Washington was where someone like me could make that dream come true. I wanted my little family to be part of something big and meaningful. But maybe it was just that, a dream.

“Are you joining us at The Speaker?” Bradley was another junior staffer.

“I might pass on tonight. Sorry.” Cassie was back and we’d planned a romantic pizza date. We’d never had dates before, so maybe I should be thinking French cuisine or something fancy. But I knew my girl, and she loved pizza.

“Andy will be there.” Bradley said this as if God himself had decided to stop by on his way to heaven and share a beer with us. But, in our world, Andrew Estevez was pretty much the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

“My wife arrived back in D.C. this morning and we have plans. I haven’t seen her for a week.”

“You’re married?” The guy asked the question as if I’d just told him I suffered from a venal disease. “I mean, how old are you?”

I ignored his question, knowing that he would be appalled I’d said ‘I do’ at the tender age of seventeen… or had a five-year-old son.

My cell vibrated on the desk and I checked the message.

Cassie (17:32): Total screw-up with the subway. Mixed up between blue and green lines. Will b there much later. Sorry.

Bradley had finished packing his stuff.

“Hold on, Brad. I might have time for a cold one after all.”

At that moment, the door opened and Senator Andrew Estevez appeared. Bradley jumped and I fully expected him to throw himself on the carpeted floor and worship at the lap of his idol.