“I’ll do what seems right to me,” Katie said, staring at her in fury, and Annie nodded, remembering Whitney’s warnings to her an hour before, that it was their lives and they had a right to make their own mistakes and she had to let go. She was trying, but it was hard. And who knew if her relationship with Paul was a mistake? Maybe it wasn’t.

“I love you, Katie,” Annie said quietly in response, and with that Katie stormed out of her room and slammed the door. All Annie wanted for her was a good life.

Annie lay in her bed that night, thinking about Katie and what they’d said. And she wondered if she was wrong. Maybe she had no right to say anything. Paul seemed like a good person, maybe that was enough. Maybe coming from two different cultures didn’t matter and she was wrong. What right did she have to tell Katie who to love and how to live? Maybe Katie would be happy with him. Who was she to judge? And Katie was right about some of it. Annie did live like a nun. For all intents and purposes, her life as a woman had ended at twenty-six. And at forty-two, it seemed too late to get it started again. She had traded a life with a man for them, and she didn’t regret the trade. She had no history of relationships to draw from. And all she knew about the Iranian culture was what she’d read. It wasn’t the life she would have chosen for Katie, but she had a right to choose it for herself.

And as Annie lay in bed, she thought about Ted too, and wondered about the mystery woman who was distracting him. He had seemed dazed through all of Christmas and had disappeared on Christmas night. She had never seen him like that. And she was convinced that Liz was wasting her time with men like Jean-Louis. Liz was having fun and enjoying her career, but guys like Jean-Louis were never going to take care of her, they were too obsessed with themselves. It was hard watching the three of them grow up.

Annie had a headache when she woke up the next day. Ted and Katie were both already out, and neither had left her a note about their plans. She knew that at their age, they didn’t owe her explanations about where they went, and she had no right to ask. Thinking about both of them, Annie made herself a cup of tea and went out for a walk. Whitney called on her cell phone, and she told her about the argument with Katie the night before.

“She’s got to defend the relationship, no matter what she really thinks. She can’t admit to you that you’re right or that she may have questions about it herself. None of us want to admit that we’re not sure of what we’re doing. It’s easier for her to attack you. And saying what you think isn’t such a bad thing. Katie knows that your heart is in the right place. Now just back off and see what she does. And have a little fun yourself for a change. Are you coming to New Year’s Eve? It might do you good to get out of the house for a night.”

“I don’t want to ditch them on New Year’s Eve.”

“Hello? Are you kidding? We’ve been over this before. They’re going to ditch you. They’re grown up. They’ve got their own plans. And I want to introduce you to Fred’s friend. He’s a terrific guy.” As Whitney said it, Annie remembered Katie’s comment of the night before, that she lived like a nun. She was forty-two, not ninety-five. Maybe Katie and Whitney were right. At least she had to try. She didn’t want to die alone, and if she had another forty or fifty years ahead of her, a little companionship might be nice.

“Okay. I’ll come,” Annie said, as though she had just agreed to have her liver pulled out through her nose.

“Great!” Whitney sounded thrilled. “You can spend the night. You shouldn’t drive back alone. Think of it, this may be the beginning of a hot romance and a whole new life for you. You’re going to love this guy.” It had been years since Annie had agreed to a blind date, long enough to forget how disappointing they were. But at least it was something to do on New Year’s Eve. And Whitney was right. The kids probably had their own plans.

Annie didn’t see Ted or Katie until the following day, and she mentioned to them both that she was going to Whitney and Fred’s on New Year’s Eve. Had they objected, she would have canceled, but as Whitney had predicted, they both said they had plans with friends. Annie didn’t say another word to Katie about Paul. She had said enough, and Katie was still angry at her when Annie left for New Jersey on the afternoon of New Year’s Eve.


Chapter 9


Annie arrived at Whitney and Fred’s house in Far Hills at six o’clock. There had been very little traffic, and she made good time. She had brought a simple black evening dress and hung it in the backseat. Their three boys were playing basketball in the backyard when she arrived. They were fourteen, sixteen, and seventeen, and all three of them looked like Fred, with freckles and red hair. They were all sports nuts like their father, and their oldest son was currently applying to college. He wanted to go to Duke and do pre-med, like his father. The boys waved to her when she arrived.

Fred was an orthopedic surgeon and had done well. He wasn’t a man whom Annie would have chosen, but Whitney was happy and had a good life with him. He had a big ego and had always been impressed with himself, but he was a good father and husband, a good provider, and a responsible person. Annie had always respected him for that.

As she walked into their house after Whitney hugged her, Annie saw that the dining table was beautifully set with gleaming silver and crystal, and there were white flowers and silver streamers everywhere. The evening looked more elaborate than she’d expected.

“How many people are you having?” Annie asked, feeling nervous. She knew that most of their friends were married and were part of a tight circle of people who lived in Far Hills, and many of them were physicians like Fred. She always felt a little strange in their midst, like an outsider or some kind of freak. She tried not to think of it now.

“We’re having twenty-four,” Whitney said as she helped carry Annie’s things to her room. It was a beautiful guest room, and Whitney had thought of every detail. “How was Katie when you left?”

“Still pissed. I’ve hardly seen her for the past few days. She said she had plans with friends. I didn’t ask, but it’s probably Paul.”

“She’ll be fine,” Whitney said. “Take a day off. Have some fun yourself tonight. The guests are coming at seven. We’ll sit down to dinner at eight or eight-thirty.” It didn’t give Annie much time to get dressed. And she sank into the tub a few minutes after Whitney left the room. She had promised herself she was going to make an effort and get into the spirit of the evening.

Annie blew her hair dry and did it in a French twist. She put her makeup on carefully and stepped into the black dress. And she wore a pair of high-heeled sandals with feathers on them that Lizzie had bought her in Paris. And she put on diamond earrings that she had bought herself. She checked herself in the mirror before she left her room and decided that her fashionable niece Lizzie would approve. And she carried a small black satin clutch. Annie looked sleek and sophisticated as she left her room, just as the first guests arrived and walked into the living room. They were a couple she had met before. He was an orthopedic surgeon like Fred, and his wife was a friend of Whitney’s with kids the same age, and Annie remembered that they always drank a little too much.

The couple looked Annie over as she walked in, and the wife had the smug, condescending look that some married women give single ones, as though they feel sorry for them. Annie wouldn’t have traded her own life for hers, but she chatted amiably with them, as other guests continued to arrive. By eight o’clock everyone was there. People arrived promptly in the suburbs, unlike big cities where everyone was late. And she hadn’t figured out which one her blind date was yet. All the men in the room had paunches and looked middle-aged, and most of the women were slightly overweight. Whitney was too, although she was as tall as Annie and carried it well. Annie always suspected that the excess weight was because most of the women drank a little too much wine. Annie had a better figure than anyone in the room. And she was intrigued to discover that the women ignored her, and the men stood in clumps with each other, discussing business or medicine. The men acted as though the women didn’t exist, and the women didn’t seem to care and talked about shopping, tennis, or their kids.

“Did you see him?” Whitney asked as she stopped to chat with Annie for a minute, then drifted away again. She was busy with her guests. She had introduced Annie to a few people, all of them couples. And Annie had figured out that she and her blind date were probably the only single people in the room. But she hadn’t spotted him yet. All she knew from Whitney was that he was fifty-two, a surgeon, drove a Porsche, and was divorced. It would have been hard to identify him from that description unless she’d seen him get out of his car alone.

The women in the room were wearing cocktail dresses or evening gowns, and the men were in black tie, but no one looked really chic, and they seemed a little overdressed. It was five minutes before they sat down to dinner when Whitney brought him over to meet her and introduced her to Bob Graham, the man she was dying for Annie to meet, and as she saw him, Annie’s heart sank. He looked like every bad blind date she’d ever had, and he looked her over like a piece of meat. He told her immediately that he was a surgeon and specialized in heart-lung transplants, and he looked as though he expected applause. He looked moderately athletic but still had a paunch and several chins. And he’d had very bad hair plugs done the year before when he got divorced. Annie would have preferred it if he were bald, and she tried to remind herself to be a good sport and give the poor guy a chance. What if he were the nicest man on the planet and had bad hair plugs? It would be worth putting up with his hair if he were a wonderful human being, and maybe he was. Or fascinating. Or funny. Or extremely smart. Anything was possible. She saw him staring at her diamond earrings, and he cut to the chase.