CHAPTER 37




A few days after the memorial service, Vanessa went back to New York, and Val moved back to her own place again. And Lionel spent most of his time alone in the house. His parents and Anne were never there. They were at work, and she was in school, and he felt a hideous magnetic attraction for Greg's room. He remembered the days when he and John had been friends, and now they were both gone … together again somewhere. It all seemed so unfair, and he wanted to scream all the time.

A couple of times he went out for a drive, just to get some air. His old Mustang was still at the house. He had left it there when he went to Vietnam. Greg's car was there too, but he didn't want to drive it now. It was sacred, and just looking at it hurt his soul.

He took the red Mustang out one afternoon, a week before he was due to leave for Germany, and he decided to stop for a hamburger before he went home. It seemed like the first time he'd been hungry in weeks, and as he parked the car and walked inside, he noticed a two-tone gray Rolls-Royce and thought that he had already seen it somewhere, but he wasn't sure where, and he wasn't really interested. He sat down at the counter and ordered a hamburger and a Coke, and then glanced in the mirror ahead of him, and as he did he sat up straight. Behind him, reflected in the mirror that he faced, was his youngest sister with a much older man. They were holding hands and they had just kissed. She was drinking a milk shake, and he looked as though he were teasing her. They were laughing and then he saw them kiss again. He was horrified, the man looked as old as Ward, and he wanted a better look, but he was afraid to turn around. And then suddenly he remembered who he was. It was the father of her friend … what was her name? … Sally?,… Jane? … Gail! That was it!

And as the couple left, the older man had an arm around the girl and they kissed once more, once outside, without ever noticing him, the couple sat in the car for a long time, and Lionel could see their lips meet again, and finally they drove off as he stared, his hamburger forgotten, his appetite gone. He left his money on the counter, and drove home rapidly, and when he got there, she was upstairs, the door to her room closed, and Faye and Ward had just gotten home. Lionel looked as though he had just seen a ghost, but none of them looked very well these days; they were all still mourning Greg. Ward looked and felt like an old man suddenly. At fifty-two, one of his brightest hopes was gone, and Faye looked tired and pale. But Lionel looked worse than either of them. And Faye noticed it as he entered. He was fighting with himself about whether to tell them or not. They had enough on their minds, but he didn't want her getting in trouble again. They had all been through that once before, especially Anne, and she didn't need that again.

“Is something wrong, sweetheart?” Faye asked him gently as he sat down in the den. But everything was these days. Ward glanced at him despairingly, and Lionel decided it was unfair to say anything. He would talk to her himself first … but what if she ran away again? And this time he couldn't stay to help them out. He couldn't spend five months looking for her with John. There was no time to waste. He sighed deeply and sat back in the chair, looking at them both, and then got up and closed the door. And when he turned around and faced them again, they could both see that something was wrong. “What is it, Li?” Faye looked at him with frightened eyes. Had one of them gotten hurt? Vanessa in New York? … Val on a set? … Anne? …

He decided to come right to the point. “It's Anne. I saw her this afternoon … with a friend of hers …” His heart turned over as he thought of it. He was older than Ward. And he could just imagine what he'd been doing to her.

“Gail?” Faye looked even more nervous now. They hadn't monitored the friendship much. She seemed all right, and her father seemed very nice too, and the girls went to the same school. But Lionel totally stunned her with his next words.

“Not Gail, her father, Mom. They were at a hamburger joint where I went, kissing and holding hands.” Ward looked as though he'd been punched. And he couldn't take much more now. And Faye stared at him in disbelief.

“But that can't be. Are you sure it was Anne?” He nodded slowly. There had been no question of it. “But how is that possible?”

“Maybe you should ask her that.”

Faye's heart almost stopped, thinking of all the times she had stayed there, and they had never questioned it. What if Gail hadn't even been there? Or worse yet, if she had … if the man was really sick … Faye began to cry. They couldn't go through anymore, and most particularly not with her. God only knew what her involvement was with this man. Faye jumped instantly to her feet. “I'm going to get her down here right now.” But Ward reached out and touched her arm.

“Maybe we should all calm down first. It could all be a big mistake. Maybe Lionel misinterpreted what he saw.” He looked apologetically at his son, but he didn't want it to be true. He couldn't handle another tragedy, and God only knew what the child was into now. And she was seventeen. It would be harder to control her than it was at fourteen, and that had been hard enough.

Faye turned to her husband with a determined look. “I think we should talk to her.”

“Fine. Then talk to her, but don't accuse.” And Faye had the best possible intentions when she knocked on Anne's door, but the moment Anne saw her face, she knew that disaster had struck, and when she followed her mother downstairs to the den, she was stunned when she saw her brother there.

“Hello, Li.” But there was nothing friendly about them, or even about him. He nodded at her, and Ward was quick to take the floor.

“Anne, we'll get right to the point, and no one's accusing you, but we want to know what's going on. For your own sake of course.” A premonition of disaster gnawed at her, but she held firm, and her eyes gave nothing away. She just searched their faces. She couldn't believe that even if Lionel had seen anything, he would actually betray her, but she was wrong. To her mind, he had. And she would never forgive him, she told herself afterwards. “Your brother thinks he may have seen you somewhere today. You may not even have been there, sweetheart,” and in his heart of hearts, he was begging her not to have been. He didn't want to have to deal with it, to face some man his own age, and accuse him of rape, which was what it was with a seventeen-year-old girl. “It was a hamburger place,” he turned to Lionel, “where was it, son?” Lionel filled in the address and Anne felt her heart stop. “But the important thing is that he thought he saw you with a man.”

“So? Gail's father took me for a milk shake on the way home.” She turned on Lionel angrily, and she looked beautiful when she did. This was no child anymore. She was a woman now. And Lionel was singularly aware of it that afternoon. It explained everything for the past year, why she had adjusted so well to her new school, why she was never at home. “You have a filthy mind.” She spat the words at him.

“You were kissing him.”

She stared furiously at the boy who had once saved her life. “Then at least I'm not gay.” It was a vicious thing to say, but he didn't give a damn. Without saying a word, he reached out and grabbed her arm, as her parents watched, horrified.

“He's thirty years older than you, Anne.”

“Thirty-three to be exact.” Her eyes blazed. To hell with all of them. They couldn't do anything to her now. It was too late. She belonged to Bill. She always would. And she turned on all of them now. “And I don't give a damn what any of you think. Not one of you has been decent to me over the years,” she hesitated for only an instant, glancing at Li, “except you, but that was a long time ago. But you,” she glared at her parents hatefully, “you've never been here for me. He's been there for me more in the last two years than you ever were, with your movies, and your business deals, and your romance with each other and your friends. You never even knew who I was … and neither did I. Well, I do now, and I have since I met Bill and Gail.”

“Is it a ménage à trots?” Lionel was prepared to be just as vicious with her, as their parents looked on.

“No, it's not, as a matter of fact. Gail doesn't even know.”

“Thank God for that. You're a fool, Anne. You're an old man's tart. It's no different than what you did in the Haight, except for the hallucinogens. You're an old man's whore.” There had been an older man there too, Moon. She remembered him still. But this was nothing like that. And she struck out at her brother now. She freed her arm and swung at him, but he stopped it before it reached his face, and suddenly Ward and Faye were on their feet as one, and Faye was shouting at them.

“Stop! This is disgusting. For chrissake, stop it, both of you!”

“What are you going to do about her, Mom?” Lionel was furious. She had fucked up her life again. Why did she keep doing that? But she was adamant.

“You can all go screw yourselves. I';ll be eighteen years old in ten months, and there isn't a damn thing you can do to me then. You can torture me all you want now, you can even keep me from seeing him. But in ten months, mark my words, I'll be married to him.”

“You're out of your mind if you think he'll many you. All you are is a piece of ass to him.” The funny thing was that it felt good to shout at her, as though he could shout at the fates that had killed Greg and John. At least he could let some of the feelings out now, and besides, he was furious with her.

“You don't know Bill Stein.” Anne said the words in a calm measured way, as Faye watched her face, and suddenly she was afraid. She was serious about this man, and Faye couldn't help asking her.