I head upstairs to my room to grab a coat and then make my way out to the back patio that overlooks Cannon Beach. It’s cold and windy with a faint mist under the grey sky. I love it out here, so I sit and kick my feet up onto the wooden railing in front of me.

I hear the door open, and when I look back, I watch my mom join me as she sits in the chair next to me.

“What are you doing out here in the cold?” she asks as she ties her leopard scarf around her neck, and my mind goes to Candace for a second before I answer, “Just thinking.”

“About?”

“I don’t know. I guess nothing, really.”

She shifts to face me, and I don’t even hesitate when I open up to her. “I met someone.”

“Really?” she says, completely surprised.

I laugh at her enthusiasm and shake my head. “Don’t get too excited, Mom. I’m not even sure she notices me.”

“Why’s that?”

“I don’t really know. She’s hard to figure out.”

“You meet her at the bar?” she questions.

“No. She isn’t that type of girl,” I say before taking a draw from my beer. “She’s quiet. Reserved. She’s studying dance at U-Dub.” Looking over at my mom, she’s smiling at me. “What?”

“Nothing. You’ve just never talked about a girl before.”

“No girl has ever given me a reason to.”

“So, have the two of you gone out yet?”

“No. Like I said, she’s hard to read,” I tell her as I look out over the water. “She’s different than the chicks I normally go for.”

“In what way?”

I turn back to my mom and respond, “In every way.”

She sits back in her chair and asks, “What’s her name?”

“Candace.”

“Pretty name.”

“She has these ticks though,” I reveal.

“Like what?”

“She’s awkward around crowds. She’s close friends with a couple of guys I know, and they’re really protective of her. I notice she stays the night with one of them a lot.”

“Is she seeing him?” she asks, and I laugh.

“No.”

“Why are you laughing?”

“‘Cause they’re gay, Mom.”

“Hmm,” is all she responds.

“I dunno. There’re just these things I pick up on that she does, but she’s so standoffish with me, and it’s hard trying to get her to talk.”

“Sometimes the things worth keeping are the things we have to work for,” she tells me.

“Maybe,” I sigh. “We’ll see. I don’t even really know her. It’s just . . . I want to.”

She reaches out and takes my hand as I look over at her and smile.

* * *

The house has been noisy and busy for the past couple of days. Every room is filled, and having the whole family here is always something I enjoy. I went for a run along the beach this morning, and when I came back, my mom and her sisters were already in the kitchen, preparing food for Thanksgiving dinner.

After getting cleaned up and heading downstairs, the kids are still lying on the floor, watching the Thanksgiving parade while my aunts are scouring the Black Friday ads with my mom. I swear, it’s the highlight of the year for them. They take their middle of the night shopping seriously and always have a mission plan before heading out. I look over at the three of them, huddled over the paper, and laugh as I walk into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee.

“What’s so funny?” my Aunt Carol asks.

Pulling a mug down, I say, “The three of you—plotting.”

“Wanna be our driver?” she jokes.

“Sorry, ladies. You’re on your own.”

“Are you still heading out this evening?” my mom asks.

“Yeah. Even though the bar’s gonna be dead, I let most of the staff take time off, so I need to be around.”

I take my coffee and go sit with the kids as they watch with excitement when they see a cartoon character they know float by. I sit back on the couch and wonder about her, remembering what Jase told me the other day before I saw how upset she was after talking with her mom.

“Her parents are assholes to her. They treat her like shit and she doesn’t deserve it.”

I wonder how she’s doing. I wonder how bad her parents really are. I wonder if they’re the reason why she’s so closed off. I wonder why I’m wondering so much, but I can’t shake the fact that I need to know. For some reason, it bothers me, and I can’t let it go.

I pull out my cell and go back and forth on whether or not I should take this jump. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve never done this before. I’ve never wanted to. But now . . . Fuck it, I’m jumping.

Punching out a text, I send it to Mark.

Can you send me Candace’s number?

I sit and wait. No response. I’m hoping he’s busy with his family, and not asking Jase what they should do to keep me away from her. Fuck.

My phone starts vibrating with an incoming call, and when I pick it up, I see it’s Mark. I answer the phone as I step outside.

“Hey.”

“Hey, man. How’s everything going?” he asks.

“Good. You?”

“Really good. Jase is with my mom, cooking, so I wanted to give you a quick call.”

“Okay,” I respond, waiting anxiously for what he has to say.

“I just wanted to lay it out there for you. Jase loves Candace in a way that’s hard to explain. He worries. I do too. She’s had a hard time this school year, and I don’t want to see her get hurt.”

“I’m sure you’ve heard things about me—”

“So you know where I’m coming from,” he interrupts.

“It isn’t like that,” I tell him.

“Good.”

Before we hang up, I get her number and store it into my phone. When I go back inside, I don’t text her. I hold off. Instead I distract myself with the kids. I spend most of the day putting together puzzles and playing dolls with Maddie and Bailey.

After we all eat and I’m lying in my bed, trying to nap off my food coma, I stare at my phone. Looking at the numbers that are my connection with her. It’s a little after six o’clock. The day is nearly over, so I fight against my apprehension and type out my text.

Got your number from Mark. Wanted to see how your Thanksgiving went. –Ryan

Lying there, I stare at the screen, waiting. I start questioning if that move was too bold for this girl. It’s a move I’ve never had to question in the past. My moves have always been pretty blunt, so the fact that I’m worried about a text is unnerving. And then my phone buzzes with her reply.

I think we managed to fall into the universal tradition of holiday drama. : )

That bad?

I respond, naturally wondering what happened.

Kinda. Now I’m home with no food.

She’s already back at her house. She wasn’t supposed to be back for a couple more days, so whatever happened was bad enough that she bailed out early.

“Ryan!” I hear my mom call from downstairs. Setting the phone down, I go to the top of the stairs to see what she wants.

“What’s up?” I call down.

“I need to run out and get some Pepto tablets for Connor. When are you planning on leaving?”

“I’ll just head out now, if that’s okay?”

“It’s never okay,” she teases.

I grab my phone and make my way downstairs. I feel like I’m rushing, saying goodbye to everyone, just so I can text Candace back. But once hugs are exchanged, I walk out with my mom.

“What are the plans for Christmas?” she asks.

“Same as always. I’ll be here on the twenty-third.”

“You drive safe, you hear,” she tells me.

“I hear.”

“Call me so I know you made it okay.”

Nodding my head, I tell her I love her before hopping in my car and pulling out of the driveway. Before I’m even at the main street, I have my phone out and text her back while I sit at the red light.

Sorry, saying bye to everyone. About to head home myself.

Did you have a good time with your family?

Yeah, I did. Ate way too much. Feel like I need to hibernate.

LOL. Drive safe. Is it pouring where you are?

Not too bad. Try and have a good night.

Thanks.

I toss the phone onto the passenger street and drive the four hours that it takes to get home, all the while thinking about her.

13

I’m up early and just got off the phone with my mother. They haven’t even made it home yet. They’ve been out shopping all night. It’s almost embarrassing. I find myself rummaging through my kitchen, and something about eating so much yesterday has me craving another heavy meal.

I jump into the shower to get ready and remember what Candace texted me last night.

I’m home with no food.

When I get out of the shower, I take a shot and send her a text.

I am heading out for breakfast. Wanna join?

I pull some clothes out of my closet and get dressed when I hear my phone buzzing.

Sure. Where?

I’m a little shocked that she so easily agreed, but I go with it and don’t even question her.

The Dish Café. 9:00?

See you then.

After another cup of coffee, I head out and make my way to the local dive. I’m there first, so I go ahead and order her a tea while I wait. I pick up the menu to give it a lookover, and when I shift my eyes up, I see her walking in. I notice her leopard rain boots peeking out underneath her jeans, and laugh to myself. This chick obviously has a thing for leopard.