He had. She was right. The life of a spy had not been what he’d expected, and by the time he’d gotten to Beirut, he knew he was going to leave. He’d been planning to turn in his resignation when his tour there was up. And then he’d met Eve, and his world had turned upside down.

“My whole life is gray areas,” she went on. “There is no right or wrong for me. There’s only what’s needed to get the information for the next op.”

“That doesn’t mean—”

She moved back again, and disbelief coated her features. “Don’t you get it, Zane? I’ve sat back and watched things most people hope never to see. Prisoners being tied up and held in stress positions for hours on end, being subjected to hypothermia, sleep deprivation, even waterboarding. I stood by and watched when they were screaming for mercy. And I did it because it was acceptable—they were the bad guys and we were the good, and that made it okay. But it didn’t stop there.”

She paused, and he could see that there was more. Something she didn’t want to tell him. Regret brewed in her beautiful eyes. “The contact you saw me with in Beirut . . . I knew he was planning to hit a high-profile target somewhere in the city. I knew, and I let him go anyway. I was waiting for more information from him about the mole. I made the decision that a few people dying in a random car bombing didn’t matter in the long run when I was facing a compromised officer who could be feeding US secrets to terrorist cells. I made the choice. Me. No one else.”

The school. That bastard had gone on to blow up a school US aid had helped rebuild. Dozens of children had died. And she could have stopped him. His words to her in that warehouse, when he’d accused her of being a traitor, filled his head and wrapped ice-cold fingers around his heart. “Eve—”

“No, don’t.” She took another step toward the door. Toward freedom. “You said it wasn’t my fault what happened to Carter and Natalie? Maybe it wasn’t directly, but indirectly it was. They were in that park today because of me. They’re dead now because they tried to help me. Not you. Not anyone else. And if something were to happen to you because of me”—her voice caught, and she closed her mouth briefly—“I couldn’t live with myself.”

Warmth filled his chest and radiated outward through his limbs. In a moment of panic, when he’d had her tied to that chair in the warehouse, she’d admitted that she’d once loved him. But he hadn’t believed her, not really. Now he did. Now he knew that what held her back wasn’t lack of emotion, but the exact opposite.

He crossed the space between them before she could run, wrapped both arms around her waist, and tugged her close. Her hands landed against his biceps. Confusion crossed her features. She was strong, and, in her mood, fired up enough to take him down, so he backed her against the wall and closed in at her front, trapping her with his arms and legs so all she could see was him.

“What are you doing? Let me go.”

She pushed at his arms, but he only held her tighter around the waist. “Not on your life. Never again.”

“Archer, goddammit—”

“I love you, Evelyn Wolfe.”

She went still as stone in his arms, and wide, shocked eyes darted to his. “No you don’t. You can’t. Didn’t you hear any of what I just said to you?”

“I heard it. And if you’d told me all of this sooner, we could have avoided a hell of a lot of trouble between us the last few days. We could have avoided the entire last eighteen months.”

“You—you don’t know what you’re saying.”

His lips turned up at the corner, and, releasing one arm from around her waist, he swiped at a smudge of dirt across her cheek. “I know that I’ve been miserable since Beirut. That I don’t really sleep, I just dream of you. I know that as much as I wanted to hate you, a part of me still ached for you. Every hour of every day. And I know that these last few days with you, even though I’ve wanted to strangle you half the time, have been the best of my life.”

Her eyes grew damp, and her fingers dug into his biceps. “Don’t say shit like that. I’m not like you. I’m not . . .”

She looked quickly away, blinked several times, and swallowed hard, and in that moment he knew what the big hang-up was between them. It wasn’t just that she loved him and was afraid to take a chance again. It was that she didn’t think he could ever see past the things she’d done.

He slid his finger under her chin and tipped her face back to his. “Just because I couldn’t hack it as an officer in the CIA doesn’t mean I don’t understand the necessity of what you do, Eve. I know what goes on behind closed doors. I know about enhanced interrogation techniques and the choices you have to make between snagging small fish and big ones. Just because I can’t do it myself doesn’t mean I don’t support those who do.”

She closed her eyes. “Zane—”

“I can’t judge you for what you’ve done, and I can’t forgive you either. You’re the only one who can do that. But you’re not the monster you want me to believe you are. And though you might not be able to see the good you’ve done, it’s there. Trust me, beautiful, it’s there. You’ve made a difference in the world, and that’s something not a lot of people can say they’ve done. Me included.”

“You do make a difference,” she said softly, opening her eyes and staring at her hand resting against his bare chest. “You save people. That’s more than I’ve done in ten years.”

“The people I save wouldn’t need saving if they’d just learn to stay out of trouble in the first place. And besides, I don’t work for Aegis anymore, remember?”

“Ryder’s an idiot to let you go.”

“He didn’t have a choice. I left to find you. I’d do it again in a heartbeat too.”

Tears filled her eyes. Tears filled with so many emotions, he could feel them vibrating in the air between them. “I don’t love you,” she whispered. “I don’t even know what that word means anymore.”

“Yes, you do.” His heart swelled, and he lowered his head, kissing the corner of her mouth so very softly. “You’ve loved me for years, you’re just too stubborn to admit it. If you didn’t, you would have left me on that rooftop. You would have ditched me on that island. And you wouldn’t still be with me now, telling me things you never had to tell me, making me love you even more.”

“Zane . . .” She closed her eyes. But she didn’t pull away. Instead she tipped her chin up and to the side, letting him kiss her jaw, her cheek, shivering when his lips moved toward the sensitive column of her neck.

“We’re gonna work this out, you and me. I’m not about to let you take the fall for something you didn’t do. And there’s no way I’m walking away from you now.” He pressed his lips to the sweet little mole just beneath her jaw. Loved the way she trembled at his touch. “Tell me you believe me, Evie.”

Her whole body tightened, and her fingers lifted from his arms and threaded into his damp hair. And then her hands were pulling his head toward hers, her fingernails digging into his scalp while she lifted to her toes and fit her mouth to his. “Kiss me.”

Her tongue pushed past his lips and dipped into his mouth. And the taste of her—heat, life, love—filled his heart. He deepened the kiss, stroked his tongue against hers, trembled himself when she arched into his growing erection and the soft mounds of her breasts pressed against his chest.

“Need you,” she whispered against his lips. “Need you now.”

Her fingers dropped from his hair, streaked down his body, and tangled in the towel at his hips. Cool air rushed over his overheated skin just before she pulled her mouth from his, pushed him back a step, and dropped to her knees in front of him.

He was already hard, and he knew if she touched him there with those sinful lips, he wouldn’t last. And he wanted this to be about her. Before she could wrap her lips around his cock, he dragged her to her feet and closed his mouth over hers.

She protested, tried to pull away, but he kissed her deeper. Then he wrapped his arms around her, cupped her ass, and lifted her feet off the floor.

She groaned into his mouth and kissed him slowly, deeply, until he was aching to taste all of her.

He carried her to the bed and laid her out. Her dark hair fanned around her as she hit the mattress. He eased away long enough to tug her shirt off, mindful of the bandage around her arm. She wriggled out of the garment and lifted her torso off the bed, reaching for him. Her fingers slid along his jaw, drawing his mouth back to hers, and then her lips were there again. Kissing him softly. Teasing him until he saw stars.

Emotions filled his heart and soul and mind. This wasn’t about sex. This time it was about so much more, and he wanted to prove to her it always would be.

He kissed his way down her neck to her collarbone. One hand closed around her breast and squeezed. She moaned and arched into his touch. He flipped the front clasp of her bra and slid lower, dragging his lips down her sculpted chest, and then he finally brought her breast to his lips and circled the nipple with his tongue.

“Oh, Zane.”

He loved the sounds she made. Loved the way when they were together—whenever they were together like this—the real her came out. The one he’d known years ago. The one he’d rediscovered on Bainbridge Island. The one she could never hide from him.

“I want to lick you everywhere like this, Evie.”

She groaned at his words. Moaned when he moved to her other breast, licked and laved and finally sucked. Her legs spread open, and she made room for him. He rocked his hips against hers, pressing his erection right between her legs where he knew it would drive her absolutely crazy.