I am understand you will have arrived today! This is perfect. I am making your uncle’s house, Villa Beccacia, a home for you. All is ready except the towels which dry on line. I am understand three rooms beds to be made. You arrive by car tomorrow afternoon? You will call me at Villa Beccacia and I will greet you on the autobahn to show you way to villa.

I am hoping you do not mind, my great-grandson Peter visits me on school holiday during your stay. He is good boy, and drives each morning on his motorino to fetch the brotchen for you. Tschuss!

Inge Schumacher

Villa Beccacia

Castelfidardo, Marche

___________________________________________


To: Cal Langdon <cal.langdon@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Tara Samuels <tara.samuels@thenyjournal.com>

Re: Travel Services


Success! I’ve booked you a seat to Rome on the 6P .M. flight today. I’m SO sorry about the confusion, and to make up for it, we managed to upgrade you to first class. Enjoy your flight!

Tara

___________________________________________


To: Claire Harris <charris2004@freemail.com>

Fr: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Re: You


Hi, Mom! I’m writing this to you from an Italian taxi cab! We’re on the way from the airport to the hotel where we’re staying for the night before going on to Holly’s uncle’s villa in the morning. Holly made the paper give us Blackberries for emergency use. I can see why they gave one to Holly, because she’s the art director, so her job is actually important. But ME??? I’m a freelancer, I don’t even really work there anymore. But Holly talked them into it. Isn’t that cool? Of course we have to give them back when we get home. But whatever.

It is so… different here. I mean, I’m only in the cab, but already, it looks way different from home. All of the billboards are in Italian! Well, I mean, I know you’d expect that, but I mean, REALLY in Italian. Like there are no recognizably English words AT ALL.

And all of the buildings have these roll-down metal shutters, painted in all these bright colors, to keep out the sun, because I guess it can get really hot, and no one has air-conditioning.

And there are window boxes EVERYWHERE, with CASCADES of red and pink and blue flowers frothing down them. It’s so pretty!

And everywhere you look are these funny little half-cars, like Volkswagen bugs that got cut in half, called Smart Cars. In fact the biggest car I’ve seen here is the minivan we’re in. I guess Italians aren’t really having big families anymore. Either that, or they don’t go anywhere with the kids.

I really don’t think you have to worry about my bag getting snatched, Mom. The only people I see on Vespas here are fashionably dressed, skinny women, with long flowing hair, driving around in long, pointy shoes with tiny little heels!

I’m so tired, I can’t type anymore. I can’t WAIT to get to the hotel so I can crash. I need a shower in the WORST way.

Love to Dad. Tell him to keep wearing those gloves.

Janie

PS The Dude was fine when I left him. Julio, the super’s son, is going to look in on him every day after school. I bought him some special tuna Pounce for a treat. For The Dude. Not Julio.

J

PPS Mark’s friend is NOT a nice guy. He’s totally awful! His name is Cal Langdon and he’s some hotshot reporter who thinks he’s all that. He doesn’t believe in marriage and thinks Mark is making a huge mistake. I don’t know how I’m going to survive a whole week in his company. HE’S NEVER HEARD OF WONDERCAT.

J

___________________________________________


To: Julio Chasez <julio@streetsmart.com>

Fr: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Re: The Dude


Hi, Julio! It’s me, Jane! I realize I’ve only been gone a day, but I just wanted to make sure everything is all right. You know, with The Dude. I know how he can get. Just make sure he gets two cans of fresh food a day (one before you leave for school, and one before you go to bed) PLUS dry food and fresh water, and he should be fine.

Be sure to wear the oven mitts if you have to touch him! And whatever you do, DON’T give him any catnip!

Thank you SO MUCH for taking care of him for me. You are the BEST!

Love,

Jane

___________________________________________


To: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Fr: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>

Re: His Mother


Can you believe it? He got an email from his freaking mother about some girl from his hometown who lives in NY now. I’m going to lose it.

Holly

___________________________________________


To: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Re: His Mother


Um… why are you emailing me from inside the same car we are both sitting in? Also, I thought we were only supposed to use these things for work purposes.

J

___________________________________________


To: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Fr: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>

Re: His Mother


I can’t exactly talk to you about the email he got from his mother IN FRONT OF HIM, now can I? Except this way.

And how are they ever going to know what we use these dumb things for, anyway? How are you holding up?

Holly

___________________________________________


To: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Re: His Mother


Good. It’s pretty here.

How do you know that his mom emailed him, anyway?

J

___________________________________________


To: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Fr: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>

Re: His Mother


Duh. I read it over his shoulder just now. I saw you and Cal talking at the baggage carousel. What did he say?

Holly

___________________________________________


To: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>


Fr: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Re: His Mother


Oh. Nothing.

J

___________________________________________


To: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Fr: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>

Re: His Mother


Come on! SPILL!

Holly

___________________________________________


To: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Re: His Mother


Is this a setup? Are you and Mark playing Fix Up the Best Friends? Because I told you before, I’m TAKEN. Besides. He’s not my type.

J

___________________________________________


To: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Fr: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>

Re: His Mother


You have a type ? What is it? The only thing the guys you’ve dated have in common is that they’ve all been unemployed. Or, if they HAD jobs, they were also screwing Amy Jenkins, like Dave.

Holly

___________________________________________


To: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Re: His Mother


Whatever happened to her, anyway?

J

___________________________________________


To: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Fr: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>

Re: His Mother


Who? Amy Jenkins?

She married a rich lawyer, moved to Pound Ridge, and squeezed out two kids.

Holly

___________________________________________


To: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Re: His Mother


No! No, she didn’t! Why did you tell me that? THAT’S NOT FAIR!!! She tried to ruin my life!!! Why should SHE have a happy ending?

J

___________________________________________


To: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Fr: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>

Re: His Mother


You call living in Pound Ridge with a lawyer and two kids a happy ending? You so know she spends her days working out and helping the nanny make wheat-free snacks.

Don’t worry. In a couple of years she’ll pudge out and he’ll trade her in for a younger model and she won’t be able to get a job to support herself anywhere because she doesn’t have any references, and one day you and Cal will pull into an outlet Benetton to pick up a pair of socks and she’ll be working the cash register.

Holly

___________________________________________


To: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>

Fr: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Re: His Mother


I don’t want to talk about this anymore.

J

___________________________________________


To: Jane Harris <jane@wondercat.com>

Fr: Holly Caputo <holly.caputo@thenyjournal.com>