“No. I… I am sorry for blaming you. It was unfair of me.” Millicent rose and stood facing the wall, a long stretch of indigo water with a night sky above, the twinkling of the stars reflected in the gentle waves.

Gareth rose and stood behind her, breathing in the scent of her hair. How did she always manage to smell like a grassy meadow? “You were overwhelmed by grief. And I do not think you are done with it.”

Millicent firmed her mouth. “I will be when I expose Ghoulston.”

Gareth laid a gentle hand on her arm. “My lady, do you still mistrust me so?”

“What do you mean?”

“I can see the grief in your eyes, in your face. You do not have to keep up your guard with me. Allow me to help.”

She took a deep breath. “This is why I did not want to speak with you. You will not let it be… I wish I was still angry at you. It would make things easier.” She turned, staring up at his face, her own features lined with a deep sadness. “What do you want me to do? Cry and tear out my hair? That won’t bring Nell back.”

Gareth thought his imaginary knuckles would be bloody by the time he finished pounding at the wall around her heart. “No. But acknowledging your grief might make her loss easier to bear.”

“I haven’t cried since… since my mother died. And it did me little good then.”

He understood. She had been broken too long. But it was time for her to heal. “I love you, Millicent. I vow I will never leave you. Ever.”

Her eyes suddenly welled with tears. “Damn you, Gareth.”

He folded his arms around her. Her forehead collapsed against his shoulder, and she began to shake.

“Bloody hell,” she sobbed. And then she spoke no more for a very long time, until she had soaked his tunic, and quit trembling.

Gareth spoke to her the while, nonsense words of comfort and love. His lady cried so quietly that he would not have known it but for the wetness of his tunic.

She finally looked up at him, her eyes rimmed with red, irises glistening an amber color in the starlight. “I feel… drained, now. Empty. Make love to me, Gareth. Fill me with your goodness.”

“I fear you give me more credit than I deserve, Millicent. I am no better than any other man, often filled with dark thoughts and temptations.”

“But you fight them, Gareth. And your actions are always noble. Let me be a part of that, for a while.”

He would have protested more, but she leaned up and covered his mouth with her sweet lips, and Gareth lost himself in the delicious feel of Millicent.

Fourteen

She had been a fool to fall in love with him.

Millicent knew that.

Even as she wrapped her arms around him, as he drew her down to the carpeted floor that looked like nothing more than a sandy lakeshore, she chided herself for loving him. If she lost him the way she’d lost Nell…

No. She couldn’t bear it. The darkness of her beast would finally overcome her humanity. Oh, sometimes the panther felt like a separate being living inside her. A beast she could control. Could tame. But more often than not, she could not separate it from herself. The desire to hunt and kill, to allow mindless instinct to take over, became an everyday battle. And when Nell died, Millicent could not stop from shape-shifting. For the first time, the beast had ruled her, taken over the change, and dominated her will. She had not killed Selena in self-defense. Millicent wanted her dead, with a blind fury her beast relished and gloried in. If Millicent had not realized her dark nature before then, the pleasure she took in feeling Selena’s torn flesh beneath her claws made it readily apparent.

Millicent did not know how she had managed to return to the tavern, could not remember shifting back to human.

She growled low in her throat.

She could not allow that to happen again.

Gareth broke the kiss, pulling his face back to stare deeply into her eyes, his blond hair falling across his forehead and cheeks. “What is it?”

Millicent shook her head, pulled him down to her using her were-strength, and rolled them both over until she lay atop him. She supposed they might be more comfortable in the bed, but they lay near the wall, and a shallow wave from the enchanted mural lapped over their bodies, curled about his broad shoulders. She felt the cool slide of the water against her legs, felt it gently tug at the hem of her skirts. Starlight reflected off the lake and into Gareth’s crystal-blue eyes. A light breeze tugged at the few loose curls in her coiffure, and she could smell the sharp scent of pine from the forest off in the distance, the lush scent of meadowsweet blooming in a clearing between the trees. She could see through the magic, of course, if she wanted to.

She didn’t want to.

Millicent sat up, straddling Gareth’s hips, and unbuttoned her bodice, the worn fabric allowing her to shed it easily. She tossed the ragged cloth aside, one of the best she owned, but nothing to compare to the gowns the duke had provided her with. Then she half turned so Gareth could reach the ties of her corset, giving him an arch look over her shoulder.

He grinned, that delightful one where his full lips curved to create two little lines next to the corners of his mouth. The smile reached his eyes, changing the brilliant blue to a soft azure. His skilled fingers made quick work of her laces, and he tossed aside her corset as carelessly as she had her bodice, then untied her skirt and petticoat, until they fell down her hips, allowing her to slide her chemise over her head.

Millicent did not bother to take the time to discard her skirts. She slid down Gareth’s lap, untied his drawers, and pulled them down his angular hips. He was already hard, rigid, and full. She had intended to pleasure him slowly, to savor what she feared might be the very last time she made love to him. But she had spoken truly to Gareth. She had never felt so empty before, so very much alone. Nell had been more of an anchor than Millicent had ever suspected. She needed to fill this emptiness inside her, to selfishly lose herself in his love. To remind her of the joys of being human.

Millicent leaned forward and took him inside her.

He sucked in a breath through clenched teeth.

“Did I hurt you?” she whispered.

Gareth strangled on a laugh, clutched her hips, and began to rock her. Millicent fell forward onto her arms, sunk her fingers into the thick carpet, and opened her body and soul to her white knight. She tried to emblazon the feel of him in her mind, for the memory would have to last her the rest of her life. His strong fingers dug into her bottom as he pressed her down to him. She felt her nub rub against the smooth skin of his pelvis, and the friction added to the fire already burning inside her womb.

She threw back her head and arched her back, pulling him deeper inside her.

Millicent exploded unexpectedly, her breath coming in harsh pants as ecstasy shook her. She felt Gareth throbbing inside her; as always, his release a match to hers. She absently wondered if all men could do that, or if this was yet another one of his special skills. For it increased her pleasure twofold, and it took her a very long time to come back down to earth again.

When she became aware of her surroundings once more, she realized her coiffure had come undone, and she sagged over Gareth’s lean body, her face hidden within the dark strands. She also realized she felt infinitely better… and that she had rushed their encounter.

Millicent slowly rose, regretting the loss of him inside her as soon as she did so. He lay spent on the sandy carpet, his eyes closed, his breathing still ragged. She quickly stripped off her skirts, stood naked in the magical starlight. Shallow water swirled about her ankles, over his muscular legs. But the illusion did not quite reach reality, for the waves looked nearly transparent, and her skin felt dry.

She walked over to the washbasin, wet a cloth, and cleaned herself, then wet another and returned to his side.

“Take off your clothes,” she instructed.

Gareth opened one eye, grinned at her, and then sat up and proceeded to follow her orders. Millicent knelt next to him, placed her hand against his smooth chest, and pushed him back down after he tore off his last garment. Starlight gleamed in his hair, burnishing it gold. Like his eyes, it changed color according to the light, and she thought she liked it best right now, the shade akin to a shiny gold sovereign. And she liked his eyes best now too: twinkling with starlight and darkened to a smoky blue.

Millicent took her clean, wet cloth and smoothed it over his brow, watching the strands of hair around his face curl from the damp. She traced his nose, the fine straight shape—except for the slight turn up at the end, which she realized added to his boyish handsomeness. She smoothed the cloth over his full lips, noting the wide shape of his mouth. Then across his cheeks, the bones slightly prominent, and then along his firm, slightly square chin.

She must memorize every inch of him. She could not allow her memory of him to fade over the years. It would be all she had left.

His neck, the skin ridiculously soft and vulnerable. His shoulders, incredibly broad and strong. His chest, the sculpted ridges and valleys and the slight puckering of his nipples.

Gareth watched her with a quizzical look, which abruptly faded when she reached his pelvis, ran the cloth over his shaft. Even after their lovemaking, it had remained half-erect, and she watched, slightly amazed, as it stirred to life once again.

Millicent dropped the cloth, remembering how Gareth had made love to her with his mouth. She would not only memorize the sight of every inch of him, but his taste, as well. She dipped her head.