If not?Well, if not, I’m screwed.
As the plane touched down in Georgia, Shelly took a deep breath and looked out at the rain drizzling down the plane’s window.
What a miserable day, she thought, and then wondered if it was a precursor to her visit. She wasn’t looking forward to spending one-on-one time with her parents, and she was pretty sure her father wasn’t either, especially after her last spectacular visit.
After the plane landed, she made her way off and went through all the necessary lines and security checks. Shelly finally entered the waiting area, and immediately, she saw her father standing toward the back of the baggage claim area, leaning up against a big white column.
Shelly noticed that most women walking by had stopped to look at him. Shelly could see that he was an attractive man. She looked just like him, or so everyone told her, and for years, she had taken that as a bad thing.
However, when his eyes found hers and he smiled, she had to rethink her initial thoughts. Maybe he was looking forward to seeing me. The man looking at her with a full warm and friendly disposition was not the man she was accustomed to. This man looked relaxed and carefree. Nothing like the stressed-out rigid man she knew as her father.
Walking toward him, Shelly hefted her carry-on bag over her shoulder and watched him move forward. When he stopped, holding out a hand for her bag, she slid it off of her shoulder and gave it to him.
“Hey, Princess.”
Shelly usually resented that name from him.
He’d given her the nickname as a child, and when things had started to change for her in regard to him, well, she hadn’t wanted him to call her anything special because it had hurt too much.
So, as he stood there, holding her bright pink bag over his broad shoulder, she found herself shocked as she relented—a little bit.
“Hey.”
“How was the trip?” he asked. Turning on his heel, he led the way out to the parking garage.
“Not bad. Considering the weather, it was fairly smooth,” she stated, following beside him silently.
When they got to his truck, he pulled back the bed cover to put her bag in the back, and she had an instant flash of Josh lifting her bags into his truck. That man was determined to stay in the forefront of her mind.
“So, you decided to fly this time, I see,” her father pointed out as they got into the truck and the engine rumbled, turning over.
Shelly nodded. “Yes, eleven hours in a car is only good once a year.”
“I agree. It’s a long way to drive.” He paused, and then tacked on the end, “By yourself.”
As they pulled out onto the road, the rain accompanied by a strong wind hit the windshield, making a swooshing sound.
It’s a really miserable night.
“I thought you might have brought that fellow with ya,” her father stated, and then paused. “Josh, was it?”
Shelly winced a little, not wanting to talk about it because she had a sneaking suspicion they might get into an argument.
“Yes, that was his name, but we aren’t together anymore. He moved,” she told him, effectively ending that line of conversation.
The silence in the dark cab of the truck stretched painfully.
Then, her father cleared his throat. “Look, can we talk ‘bout what happened the last time you were here?” he asked, keeping his eyes on the road.
Shelly looked over at him and tried to see the man she had idolized as a little girl—before all the teasing had begun, before the relentless rumors had followed her everywhere she went, and before her perfect image of him had been shattered.
She nodded. “Sure.”
He glanced at her quickly, and she found herself staring at her own blue eyes. They crinkled at the sides as he gave her a tight smile, and then he looked back to the wet road.
“I want to apologize to you, Shelly.”
Shelly stared at his profile, unable to say anything.
When he realized nothing was going to come out of her mouth, he continued. “For years, your mother and I had an understanding.”
“God, that is such a horrible word to use for a marriage,” Shelly told him boldly.
He nodded in agreement before pointing out, “So is using the Lord’s name in vain, but you just did.” He paused for a moment his accent slipping in here and there, as he continued, “However, you’re right. What we had wasn’t ideal for any situation, especially for a young girl growing up.”
Shelly couldn’t look at him anymore. She turned, staring out the window as the rain slid in small droplets down the pane. Her heart started to ache, and as her father’s deep voice continued, it ached a little more with each word.
“I don’t know where ya ever got the notion that I wasn’t proud of you. Your mother told me that. Truly, Shel, how could you ever think that I’m not proud of you?” He paused as though waiting for an answer.
She had nothing to give him except snarky comments like, Maybe because you never told me. Or, perhaps, because you cared more about chasing ass? However, she didn’t say anything like that. Instead, she sat silent once again, letting him continue.
“Nothing made me prouder than when you decided to go into medicine. I remember thinking you were just like me.” He paused as she turned to look at him.
“I’m nothing like you, Father,” she told him softly.
He frowned. “I know that now, but I figured that some of me had to rub off. And, Shel, honey? Maybe it was the good part?” He took a deep breath and raised a hand to run his fingers through his hair. “Maybe you are all the goodness I had in me.” Shaking his head, a baffled expression came over his face. “I was never cut out to be a husband or a father, Shel. I’m a surgeon—a man with no emotions who goes into an OR to stop someone from dying. Not a man who can walk around a park and buy ice cream with a little girl in pigtails. That was never me.”
Shelly tried to blink back her tears but knew she was failing, so instead of facing him, she continued to stare out the window and listen to his confession.
“For years, I tried to be what your mother and you needed and wanted, but, Shelly, that wasn’t me.”
“So why not leave?” Shelly finally asked, looking at him with a million questions in her eyes. “Why not pack your bags and leave us?”
He took a deep breath and reached across the truck seat to take her hand. Shelly found herself perilously close to yanking hers away, but at the last minute, she made herself keep it there.
He squeezed it and then told her, “Because I loved you both, just not the way you needed me to.”
It was Shelly’s turn now to shake her head. “I don’t understand what you’re saying to me.”
He took a deep breath and let it out on a long sigh. He let go of her hand, grasping the steering wheel. “I loved your mother as a friend, Shelly, a best friend, but not as a wife. When she got pregnant, she was so happy about you. I was terrified. I had just enrolled in medical school, and adding a baby to the mix was not going to be ideal in any scenario.”
Shelly swallowed, and then forced herself to ask, “So, you stayed because of me? Gee, that makes it so much better.”
There was silence, and then he told her, “No, Shel. I stayed for me. I couldn’t bear to leave you. Your mother kicked me out, rightfully so, when she had heard about my indiscretions. Those weeks were the longest of my life—the ones away from you, and in a sense, her, too. In the end, I begged her to let me see you, and she did with one condition.”
Shelly narrowed her eyes. “And the condition was that you didn’t break up the family?”
He nodded. “Yes, that I raise you in a good, respectable Southern way by providing you with a mother and father living happily under the same roof.”
Shelly barked out an odd sound, and she assumed it was some kind of sarcastic laugh she had resorted to. “Yeah, look how well that turned out?”
He was facing the road, and then he finally turned to her. Shelly was shocked to see tears blurring his eyes.
“It turned out horribly wrong,” he told her slowly. “Instead of raising a happy, proud, and beautiful daughter, we raised a scared, smart, stubborn, and incredibly beautiful young lady, who was embarrassed her whole life and made to feel ashamed of her own family. For that, your mother and I are truly sorry, and we hope that someday you can forgive us.”
Shelly raised a hand to her eyes, wiping tears away. “I just don’t understand where the man who took me to the park disappeared to. When did he become so quick to judge my life instead of supporting me in it?”
Her father grimaced and shook his head. “I don’t know where he went, Shel. I can only say that I probably judged you harshly in your life because I was afraid you would make the same mistakes I made in my own.”
“Being me? And Mother? We were your mistakes?” Shelly demanded.
“No, being the hurt I caused you and your mother. My own selfishness and stupidity hurt two women I respect and admire. The man who bought you ice cream by the fountain is not who I am. But, Shelly, he is the man who taught me how to love you, and he is the man you should try and love. Try to think about him and maybe eventually you’ll forgive me.”
They finally pulled up outside the house, and her father turned to her.
“I love you, and your mother and I are so very proud of you. Don’t let what we did to each other, and inadvertently you, destroy your life.”
Shelly bit her bottom lip as she turned to push open the door.
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