“Come on, Rach. Did you really think I was going to be okay with what happened last night? What brother who cares about his sister would be?”
God, no one can guilt me as well as Mason.
“Why do you dislike Cole so much?” she asked, trying to divert his attention.
“I don’t,” he answered quickly before adding, “I don’t know enough about him. It’s not so much a matter of disliking him. It’s more that I’m worried about you.”
“You don’t need to—”
“Don’t tell me not to worry, okay?” Mason interjected with a deep sigh. “You’re my little sister.”
“Mase, I’m hardly little.”
“You will always be my little sister, and I don’t care if you’re dating—or in this case, marrying—Josh, Cole, or a stranger. I will worry until I know you are happy.”
Rachel leaned against the counter, and for a minute, she had to look away from his probing gaze. He was doing that thing where he managed to say everything right, and it was really annoying her that she found herself feeling bad for yelling at him last night.
He deserved it! Didn’t he?
“You just haven’t been the same since Mom passed away. I know I dealt with my—”
“Stupid phase?” Rachel replied sarcastically, looking back to him.
“I was going to say I know I dealt with my grief in a less than mature way, but I’m not sure you ever dealt with it.”
Mason stood and took a step closer to her. When she crossed her arms in front of herself, he didn’t even hesitate to wrap his arms around her.
“I just don’t want Cole to be a convenient distraction from other feelings,” he whispered into the empty shop.
Despite wanting to stay annoyed, Rachel felt a laugh escape her at those words. “You might be right about me not dealing with everything, but trust me, there is nothing convenient about Cole Madison.”
Mason pulled away from Rachel and sat back down, giving her the space she seemed to need more and more of lately. Today though, she seemed different, calmer than usual. It was almost as if she was a relaxed version of herself, standing there in her leather pants and a bright pink shirt with black polka dots.
“Tell me,” he prodded as he kept his eyes on her.
“Tell you? Tell you what?”
“Talk to me, Rach. We used to do that all the time, remember?”
“Yeah, when we were kids,” she pointed out.
“And that has to change now, why? You seemed fine when Mom…” Immediately, he trailed off, recalling a conversation he’d recently had with Josh. Josh had told Mason that he thought something was up with Rachel as far back as the wedding, maybe even a little bit before that. When Josh had told him, Mason had felt like shit for not even noticing.
Well, Mom always said that love made you stupid and blind.
He just hadn’t realized it would make him blind to the only other woman in his life that he loved with all his heart.
“It’s okay. You can say it,” Rachel urged, breaking through his thoughts. “You’re right. I was fine when Mom was still alive…because she made it all okay, Mase. Having her here was like having an anchor to cling to. Losing Dad…god, I didn’t think I’d ever be the same. He took all my secrets with him, and I had no one left to talk to about it.”
“Secrets?” Mason questioned.
What the hell is she talking about? What secrets?
“Sit with me,” her father said as he sat down at her kitchen counter.
Pressing the ice pack she had handed him to his eye, he pinned her with the one that was still open. Rachel sat down beside him with her own makeshift ice pack, frozen peas, placed against her cheek.
“You are going to sit here with me until you are ready to talk,” he told her in a voice that signaled he had all day.
Hesitantly, Rachel peered up into the face that made her feel safe, loved, and cherished. “What if I’m not ready yet?”
“Then, we sit here some more,” he told her, proving that it was as simple as that.
Rachel closed her eyes and tried to ignore the insistent ringing in her ears. She wanted to finally unburden herself of this mess. The only problem was that she was so ashamed of how it had begun and how long it had occurred, so she was finding it hard to form the right words.
Opening her eyes, she looked at the man beside her and wondered how she had gotten so lucky. She had wonderful parents—two people who loved one another and who had raised their children in a home full of love.
But for Rachel, it was always her dad who was her pillar of strength. He was the one person she knew who could chase away everything that was bad. Whether it was consoling her in a strong embrace or dancing in the kitchen to a song from her childhood, her dad was the person who always made her feel safe.
As she sat beside him, she found that she didn’t know how to tell him everything Ben had done to her, but she had to start somewhere, and he was waiting.
“He’s been doing this for a while now,” Rachel blurted out. She ceased talking to brave a glance at her dad.
When her eyes met the one that was uncovered, she knew he was having trouble containing his anger.
“Did Mason know what was going on?”
Quickly, Rachel shook her head, causing the ringing in her ears to get louder. “Oh god, no! Mase would’ve—”
“Mason would have killed him, so I suppose we’re lucky that he didn’t know. Although, considering how close you two are, I’m surprised he didn’t guess.”
Rachel could feel the tears escaping and rolling down her cheeks. She knew that she had done everything she could to hide this from her parents and her brother, the people she loved very much.
“I’m so ashamed of myself, Dad,” she mumbled, unable to look at him anymore. “I’m ashamed of who I was with him.”
“Hey, there’ll be none of that. He did this to you. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I let him do it,” Rachel choked out between sobs.
“Rachel?” her father said, lowering the ice pack from his swollen eye.
When she finally raised her head to look at him, the expression in his eyes was something she had never seen. He was pissed but not at her. She could sense the anger simmering beneath the surface, and it made her truly glad that Ben was nowhere in sight because, at that moment, she feared her father would have killed him.
“Listen to me, young lady. You have nothing to feel ashamed of. What he did to you was wrong. It was cruel and the lowest form of cowardice. A man should never make his partner feel anything other than loved, respected, and special. He should never get pleasure from making her cower in a corner or from making her hide from the people she loves.” Reaching out his large palm, her father cupped her reddened cheek. “You don’t ever need to feel ashamed because of this. Never. And don’t settle for anything other than being loved the way you should be.”
“Dad, please, please don’t tell Mom or Mason. I just want to put it behind me and forget I was ever this stupid.”
“You’re not stupid,” he said. “Maybe you were looking for something in Ben, something you thought he could give you. There’s no harm in looking for what you need. In the end, it just turns out that he was not what you or anyone ever deserved. And, Rachel, if I ever see that little fucker near you again, I will kill him.”
She didn’t know why, but that dire threat made all her fears leave—at least for the moment anyway.
“He just knew me better than anyone else,” Rachel muttered.
“Well, you were always closest with him, just like I was with Mom. Funny that we gravitated to the opposite,” Mason acknowledged with a fond smile.
“But so perfect, right? It makes sense really. We had two amazing parents. Mom felt like my final piece of Dad. With her here, we still got the stories, all of the remember-whens. When she passed, I felt lost. I felt like I had nothing left to hold on to.”
“Rachel, that’s not true. You always had me.”
“Not at first. When Mom died, you disappeared, Mase. You were grieving and so angry. You didn’t even see me, and I understood. That’s why I didn’t push.”
“Well, maybe you fucking should have,” he cursed.
Rachel could tell he was more pissed off at himself than at her.
“Maybe. But where would that have gotten me? You were in no frame of mind to listen.”
“So, instead, you retreated? And don’t say you haven’t because everybody has noticed.”
“Yes, I admit things changed, that I changed. I needed someone I could talk to, relate to. You had Lena, and then Josh came back to town. He, as usual, was his easygoing, fantastic self, and he tried to get me to open up, but even I knew that he was too wrapped up in Shelly. I wasn’t going to be the friend that had all the issues—yet again.”
Rachel decided that this next part of the conversation really needed to be done with some distance between them. Moving around Mason, she made her way over to a vase that held some colorful tulips, her mother’s favorite.
“So, I decided to check out a place called Whipped,” she finally made herself say, turning to gauge his reaction.
“Yes, I’ve recently been informed all about that club.” Shaking his head, Mason frowned. “I just don’t see it—you all decked out in leather. I mean, yeah, I see the loud, fun hair and the leather pants. But, Rachel, you’re too sweet, too soft for that kind of place.”
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