Nicole Jordan - Ecstasy

Raven took a deep breath, afraid to hope. “And did you?”

Kell sighed. “As much as possible. Sean was a tormented soul, I know, but it tormented me that I couldn’t help him. I see now that I was trying to punish myself for being unable to save him.”

She was silent a moment, listening to the solid beat of his heart. Could she dare believe that Kell had come to terms with his grief and guilt? That he had been able to give up his burden of self-blame?

Raven could feel her own heart thudding as she searched for the right words. “Emma says that you have a fierce need to rescue anyone in distress, but I don’t think you could have done anything to save Sean.”

“I realize that now. If I had acted sooner, perhaps…But Sean was to blame for his own destructive actions.” Kell tilted her face up to his, gazing deeply into her eyes. “I’m sorry for everything he did to you, Raven. I’m so sorry about O’Malley…”

Raven felt an agonizing twist of pain at the remembrance. Her sorrow at O’Malley’s death would always be with her, but she knew her friend wouldn’t want her to spend her life grieving for him.

“I will never forget him,” she said softly, her hand rising to her breast. “I will always keep his memory here, in my heart.”

Kell covered her hand with his own, his expression as grave as she had ever seen it. “Do you think you could find a place in your heart for me as well, Raven? Please, tell me I’m not too late.”

A thrill of hope ran through her. Hope and longing and joy. “No.” Her throat constricting with relief, she managed a husky whisper. “You aren’t too late.”

His long lashes hooded his dark gaze. “And yet you planned to leave me. You intended to put an ocean’s distance between us.”

She refused to look away. “Because I couldn’t bear to stay, believing you hated me. I thought my going would make it easier for you to seek a divorce.”

“Is that what you want? A divorce?”

“No,” she said emphatically. “Not at all. I only thought you would be happier without me as your wife.”

His fingers clenched over hers. “I would sooner cut out my heart than lose you, Raven. I don’t think I could bear to live without you. Not when I love you so much.”

Her breath caught in her throat. “What did you say?”

“I said I love you.”

Her gaze riveted on him. “You truly mean it?”

“Truly. I’ve loved you for a very long time.” Kell cradled her face in his hands. “You made me love you, vixen. You turned my heart upside down and brought light into my life. How could I not love you?”

Elation swept through her, but she remained speechless.

“I should have told you before now,” Kell murmured, gently exploring her face with his fingers, as a blind man might. “I didn’t dare admit my feelings for fear of frightening you off. You’d told me numerous times you would never let yourself love anyone, and I couldn’t see how to overcome your resistance. You married me only to escape the scandal. And I let Sean hurt you yet again. You lost O’Malley because of him. I didn’t think you could forgive me for that, or that I deserved forgiveness.”

“Kell, there is nothing to forgive. You couldn’t be your brother’s keeper.”

“I know that now. Sean caused so much pain,” he said quietly. “But in a way, I am grateful to him. He gave me you. If not for him, we never would have met, let alone married.” Kell hesitated, his dark gaze holding her captive, his voice dropping to a hushed but fervent prayer. “When I learned you were leaving, I had to take the risk. I want ours to be a real marriage, Raven. I want you to be my wife in truth. I want to be your husband, your lover, the father of your children. Please say you will give me another chance.”

The hunger in his eyes was soul-deep and made her yearn to reassure him. “Yes, Kell. Oh, yes.”

His face eased, as if she had given him a reprieve from death. “I only wish…I hope to God that someday you can come to love me in return. I know how much you fear it-”

Raven reached up to touch his sensual lips, silencing him. “I already do love you, Kell. With all my heart.”

Fire kindled in his eyes. He made a raw sound in his throat as he bent his head to kiss her. When his mouth covered hers in a wordless murmur of yearning, need, and hope, Raven clung to him, returning his kiss with the same fervor.

They were both breathing rapidly when he finally broke off. But he didn’t release her. Instead he held her closer.

“God, how I have missed you,” he whispered against her hair.

Raven sighed, pressing her face into his shoulder. “I never really expected to see you again. I didn’t think you ever meant to return. Emma said you intended to relinquish the club to her.”

“No, I was planning to come to London, even before Dare arrived. I hoped I could convince you to come away with me.”

“Away?” His comment puzzled her. “Where would you want to go?”

“Somewhere-anywhere-that doesn’t hold memories of my brother. In fact, the West Indies sounds like an ideal place. Would you mind very much if I accompanied you?”

She felt her heart fill with gladness. “I would like that above anything.”

“You won’t mind leaving England?”

“No. I don’t want to remain here any longer.”

“But what of your dream? I thought claiming your rightful place in society was crucial to you.”

“Not any longer. I only just lately realized how little it all meant to me.” She lifted her face to his. “I’ve come to understand so many truths these past few months, Kell. I thought fulfilling my mother’s dream for me would bring me happiness, that gaining a title was what I wanted. But having your love is all that really matters to me. I would gladly be plain Mrs. Lasseter, if you will let me.”

The fire burned hotter, but he raised an eyebrow. “And what of your fantasy lover?”

With her fingertips, she brushed the rough stubble shadowing Kell’s jaw. He looked very much like the dangerous rebel he had once been; the lover of her dreams. “I haven’t wanted that fantasy for a long time. All I want is you.”

Kell pressed her palm to his cheek. “So then, we’re agreed? We will start our marriage over in Montserrat. We will put the past behind us and begin anew.”

“Yes, we’re agreed.”

His smile was blinding. He gave her a lingering kiss filled with promise and anticipation of the future to come. When he drew back, his eyes were dark with desire.

She shook her head. “I still think I might be imagining this. Are you sure you truly love me?”

“More sure than of anything in my entire life.” His mouth curved in a tender smile. “I think I’ve loved you from the moment you first shot me.”

Flushing, Raven shut her eyes. “Please, don’t remind me.”

Laughing again, Kell tightened his arms around her, reveling in the intense pleasure of holding her. He loved her more than his next breath. But he would have to prove it to her. To make her believe. He would have time to show her during the long voyage, though.

Tenderly he kissed the top of her head. “I know I’ve given you little reason to trust in my love before this, but I swear I will make it up to you.”

“Will you tell me again?”

“I love you, my darling vixen. So much my heart hurts.”

She smiled against his shoulder, shaken by the enormity of the emotion that surged through her. “I feel the same way.”

“Then tell me.” He tilted her face up to his. “I need to hear you say it.”

“I love you, Kell.” She declared it with abandon and joy as she twined her arms about his neck. “I love you, I love you, I love you,” Raven murmured before she gave herself up to his passionate kiss.

Montserrat, British West Indies, July 1814

Raven caught her breath as Kell rose from the foaming surf, his magnificent nude body silhouetted against the aquamarine sea. He was so beautiful, he made her ache.

His gaze riveted on her, pinning her where she lay on the beach beneath a palm, and Raven smiled in secret joy. Her pirate lover had become Kell in the flesh; he had risen from the sea to claim her woman’s heart, just as in her fantasies.

As she met his intense, soul-dark eyes, she felt her love swell for him until it was something painful. She wanted him as she wanted sunlight and air.

How perilously close she had come to missing his love! She had been so afraid of losing herself as her mother had, of being overwhelmed by the mind-numbing power of passion. But she had been wrong to fear it. Love was a vital part of life; passion was a joy. If anything, that was the primary lesson of the journal.

It was more than worth the risk of pain to find the kind of soul-shattering union she had found with Kell. Without risk, she never would have known the ecstasy of true love. Indeed, the pain and sorrow in their past gave her present feelings for Kell even more depth and intensity.

And the things that had once seemed so important to her-wealth, possessions, titles, position-all of that counted for little if you were lonely, if you were not loved.

Kell had shown her that. She had tried to mold herself into what society expected of her, into something she was not, but he had liberated her from the false notions and oppressive strictures that had governed her life.

His passion had freed her imprisoned, lonely heart, and she could not have loved him more.

Raven watched with eager anticipation as he strode through the silver foam and across the crystalline sand to where she awaited. For a moment, he stood above her, vibrant, magnetic, intense, his hair very black against the golden light, his gaze heated, his engorged male flesh clearly proclaiming his desire. She had only to look at his virile, aroused body and she grew wet, her nipples tightening to aching peaks.