She wanted so much more, but she doubted he would let her have anything other than the physical for now. If he would allow her even that.

She wouldn’t know until she tried.

“What are you doing, Penelope?” His voice was a sexy rumble.

She forced herself not to move. Calm. Patience would win this battle. Patience and playing her part. Except she was beginning to understand it wasn’t a part. It was who she’d never known she was. “I was thinking about playing with your cock, Master.”

He hissed a little. “I meant what are you doing in my bed.”

He hadn’t moved an inch, hadn’t shifted away from her or pushed her back. He simply lay there, waiting for her answer.

It was an easy one. He hadn’t spoken much to her after the episode in Nigel’s office. “I did what you told me to. You told me I was to sleep in your bed, and I wasn’t allowed clothes.”

His eyes closed briefly. “Naturally, you’re naked.”

“It’s what you commanded, Master.” Charlotte had explained that men like Damon grew deeply aroused with the idea of command and obedience. He needed to think he was in control of her and the situation. To a point.

“And if I ordered you to leave me alone?”

That was exactly what she was afraid of. “I would leave you alone, though I fear it wouldn’t help in our mission.”

“I want you out of the mission.”

She sat up. This was exactly what they should have done yesterday. He’d been an arse, speaking in front of everyone, but then it was obvious to her that he didn’t know how to handle simple emotions and allowances had to be made. “I have to go with you.”

He turned on his side, his eyes so serious she wondered if he wouldn’t simply toss her out now. “You don’t. You can quit and go somewhere else. Tag’s crew can have new identification for you and you can be out of this entirely.”

Such an idiot. She didn’t bother to pull the sheet up. The instinct was there, to cover herself, to hide from his view, but she’d started to think she did that a lot. If she always hid, how could anyone ever really know her? “I’m not giving up my whole life, Damon.”

“It would only be for a while.”

She knew what that meant. “Until you kill Baz or he kills you.”

“Yes.” His eyes weren’t on her face now. He was watching her breasts, and it wasn’t with distaste.

She felt her nipples peak and not from the chill. “And if he kills you? You don’t think he’ll still come after me?”

“I think it would be less likely.” He cursed softly under his breath and turned on his back again, his forearm covering his eyes. “I don’t know. I don’t intend to allow him to kill me. It would be easier to do this alone.”

“I don’t see how.”

His hand fisted in obvious frustration with the entire conversation. “Because I’ll spend all my time trying to keep you alive. Can’t you see that?”

“No. I’m trained, Damon. I’m sorry I’m not your perfect partner, but I’m the only one you have and you need me. This is about more than me. We could spend the next few days arguing and fighting and wasting time.”

His eyes came open again and there was something nasty and predatory in them. “Or we could do what? We could fuck? You want to fuck the arsehole who humiliated you yesterday? I thought you had more spine than that.”

She let the words roll off her. She reached out and soothed back his hair. “Not particularly. I’m hoping I can find the Damon who made love to me before.”

“He doesn’t exist. I told you what I was doing.” But even as he said the words, he was still under her hands, allowing her to comfort him.

“I know. I understand. You don’t love me. You don’t really want me.”

His lips turned down in a fierce frown. “Fuck. Penelope, I do want you. Damn it. I enjoyed fucking you, but that’s as far as it goes. Do you understand that I’m likely to get you killed? Why do you want to screw the man who’s going to cost you everything?”

She couldn’t help but roll her eyes. He really did love a good drama. “We need to work on your pessimism.”

“We need to work on your realism. Do you think he won’t kill you? Do you think he won’t do that to try to hurt me?”

“Would it hurt you?”

His hand moved so quickly she was shocked when his fingers clamped around her wrist like a manacle. “Is that what you’re looking for? You’re looking to see if there’s anything under here? You want me to love you, Penelope? You think if I love you then anything that happens to you would be worth it because some man loved you.”

It was really hard not to slap him silly, but she had to remember why he was doing it. He’d never been loved before. His parents had died when he was so young, and he’d been raised in boarding schools. He’d lost his unit. He didn’t trust anything or anyone. Patience. She couldn’t tell him that some man loving her wasn’t worth her life, but loving him just might be. He wouldn’t understand. Loving him had made her stronger. “I was just wondering if my partner would give a rat’s arse if I died in the field. I was trying to figure out what my position is. Do you want me to leave because you don’t trust me to help you or because you’ll feel guilty if I die? You were very plain to me. You don’t love me. You will never love me. My ears work, Damon. I’m very good at understanding what words mean. So no, I’m not looking for you to love me.”

If he called her on it, what would she say? Her mind was racing, trying to keep up with the drama she found herself in. He was being stubborn and obnoxious.

And quite fast. He rolled on top of her, pinning her down, making a cage of his body.

“Then what do you want?” He growled the question, pressing down on her, forcing her to take his full weight.

God, she wanted that. She could feel the length of his cock pressed to her pussy, only the thin material of his boxers between them. This was what she really wanted. He wouldn’t listen to words, but somewhere in the heat of sex, he might find the connection she was offering him. “I want to do my job and serve my country, Damon.”

“You’re going to fuck me for Queen and country, then?”

She tilted her hips up, forcing his cock right against her clit. “No. I’m going to fuck you because it feels so damn good. You’re an excellent tutor. You taught me to crave it. I want to make a deal with you.”

His chest rubbed against hers. “I’m listening.”

“Teach me. You have to anyway or we’ll blow our cover. I like this lifestyle. I think I fit into it. I think I could be happy here. Consider me a submissive you’re training. From what I understand, you didn’t have to love them. You just had to want them.”

“I can want a lot of women. I like a variety.”

She didn’t like the faintly cruel way he said it. Her insecurities rose up. “So you like fat women, too? Is that what you’re implying, Damon?”

He was off her and turning her over in a heartbeat. She felt cool air against her backside and then the sharp sound of flesh smacking flesh. She screamed into the pillow because he meant business with that slap. Two and three came in rapid succession. She would likely have moved to get away from him, but his big hand was on her back, holding her down.

“If there is one thing I will teach you, it’s that you will not denigrate yourself in my presence. You know your safe word, but you should think before using it.” Four and five and six.

It was a breakthrough. He was touching her, taking her in hand the way a Dom would with his wayward sub. But why did his breakthrough have to blister her poor bottom? “You said it yourself just yesterday.”

Seven and eight. He spread out the smacks, lighting up every inch of her bum. “I never said that.”

“You said you weren’t attracted to me.”

“I bloody well lied and you know it. I like you. I even admire you. I don’t want you to mistake that for love. I don’t want you to sacrifice yourself when what I can give you isn’t bloody well worth it.” Nine and ten and then she lost track. She’d pushed his buttons and he was showing his true colors, and if he needed to spank her to do it, then she would take it.

Besides, it wasn’t so bad. The first couple hurt—they all hurt really—but somewhere along the way she felt herself getting wet and excited even as she gritted her teeth against the flare of pain.

“You won’t protect yourself so I have to. Do you know what he’ll do to you? You’re putting yourself in danger, and I won’t have it.”

He finally stopped, the smacks ceasing suddenly. He put his hand on her arse cheeks, softly this time, as though soothing away the hurt. A long moment passed where she cried softly into the pillow, allowing the experience to wash over her.

“Penelope? Are you all right?”

She was better than all right. The tears felt freeing somehow. She bottled so much up, but the two times Damon had spanked her had been a revelation. “Yes. I need this. I just realized how much I need this.”

He’d been honest with her—as honest as he knew how to be.

“I can’t convince you to leave me?” The question came out with very little hope, just a sad sigh from him.

She couldn’t give him all the reasons why. He wouldn’t accept them, but she could be honest about one piece of the truth. “No. You of all people should understand. My job is all I have, too. I know it seems dull to you, but I feel like I mean something because of it. I don’t mean anything to anybody. Even when my mum was alive, god, she didn’t recognize me at the end. She actively fought me trying to help her. If I run away from this, I have to give it up. I won’t leave this job. It’s the only thing that makes me feel alive.”

Except you. Except this.