He sighs loudly, the silence thick in the car. I steal a quick glance over at him and see the stress etched in lines around his mouth. The lights of passing cars cast shadows on his face, making him seem even more untouchable than I feel he is from me despite his close proximity. I regret asking the question. Afraid I’ve pushed him further into his memories.

Colton withdraws his hand from mine and takes his baseball hat off, tossing it in the backseat, and shoves his hand through his hair. The muscle twitches as he clenches and unclenches his jaw in thought. “Shit, Rylee.” And I think that is all I’m going to get as the car descends back into silence. Eventually he continues, “I don’t …” he stops as he exits the freeway. I can see him grip the steering wheel tightly with both hands. “I don’t need to haunt you with my demons, Ry. Fill your head with the shit that’s a psychologist’s wet dream. Give you ammunition to dissect and throw back in my face at everything I do—everything I say—when I fuck things up.”

I immediately hear the when not if in his statement. The ingrained notion that he is a screwup. The raw emotions behind his words hit me harder than the insensitivity he spits at me. My years of experience tell me that he’s still hurting—still coping with whatever happened long ago.

We stop at a light and Colton scrubs both hands over his face. “Look, I’m sorry. I—”

“No apologies needed, Colton.” I reach out and squeeze his bicep. “Absolutely none.”

He hangs his head momentarily, closing his eyes, before lifting it back up and opening them. He glances over at me, a reserved smile on his face, sorrow in his eyes before mumbling, “Thanks.” He looks back at the road and steps on the accelerator with the change of the light.


CHAPTER 16


Our late dinner is sinfully good. Colton takes me to a small surf-shack type restaurant on Highway 1 slightly north of Santa Monica. Despite the busy Saturday night crowd, when the hostess sees Colton, she greets him by name and whisks us out to a rather private table on the patio that overlooks the water. The crash of waves serves as a soft background music to our evening.

“Come here much?” I ask wryly, “or do you just use the fact that the hostess is in love with you to get the primo table?”

He flashes a heart-stopping grin at me. “Rachel’s a sweet girl. Her dad owns the place. He has a ladder up to the rooftop. Sometimes him and I go up there and throw back a few beers. Shoot the shit. Escape the madness.” He leans over and taps the top of my nose with his finger. “I hope this is okay?” he asks.

“Definitely! I like laid back,” I tell him. When his grin only widens and his eyes darken, I look at him confused, “What?”

He takes a sip of beer from his bottle, amusement on his face, “I like you laid back too, just not in this environment.” His suggestive tone causes butterflies in my stomach. I giggle and swat at him playfully. He catches my hand and brings it casually to his lips before setting it on his thigh with his hand closing around it. “No, seriously,” he explains, “This is way more my style than the glitz and glamour of my parents’ lifestyle and expectations. My sister fits that lifestyle so much better than I do.” He rolls his eyes despite the utter adoration on his face when he mentions her.

“How old is she?”

“Quinlan? She’s twenty-six and a total pain in the ass!” he laughs. “She’s in graduate school at USC right now. She’s pushy and overbearing and protective and—”

“And she loves you to death.”

A boyish grin blankets his face as he nods in acceptance, “Yes, she does,” he mulls it over thoughtfully. “The feeling is completely mutual.”

His simple ease in expressing his love for his sister is charming to me in a man otherwise unwilling to express himself emotionally. He can easily express his desire and sexuality, but I’ve yet to hear him emote real, true feelings.

The waitress arrives halting our conversation, and asks me if I am ready to order although her eyes are fixated on Colton. I want to tell her I understand, I’m under his spell too. I’m still unsure what I want so I look at Colton, “I’ll have whatever you’re having.”

He looks up at me, surprise on his face, “Their burgers are the best. Does that sound okay?”

“Sounds good to me.”

“A girl who’s after my own heart,” he teases, squeezing my hand. “Can we get two surf burgers with fries and another round of drinks, please,” he tells the waitress and as I try to hand her my menu, I notice how flustered she is by Colton speaking to her.

“So tell me about your parents.”

“Uh-oh, is this the Colton background portion of the night?” he kids.

“You got it, Ace. Now spill it,” I tell him, taking a sip of my wine.

He shrugs. “My dad is larger than life in everything he does. Everything. He’s supportive and always positive and a good friend to me now. And my mom, she’s more reserved. More the rock of our family.” He smiles softly at the thought, “but she definitely has a temper and a flair for the dramatic when she deems it necessary.”

“Is Quinlan adopted too?”

“No,” he drains the remainder of his beer, shaking his head. “She’s biological. My mom and dad decided one was enough for them with their busy schedules and all of the traveling to onset locations.” He raises his eyebrows, “And then my dad found me.” The simplicity in that last statement, the rawness behind the words, is profound.

“Was that hard? Her being biological and you adopted?

He ponders the question, turning his head to look around the restaurant. “At times I think I used it for all it was worth. But when it comes down to it, I realized that my dad didn’t have to bring me home with him that day.” He plays with the label on his empty beer bottle. “He could have turned me over to social services, and God knows what would have happened since they’re not always the most efficient organization. But he didn’t,” he shrugs. “In time I grew to realize they really loved me, really wanted me, because when it came down to it, they kept me. They made me a part of their family.”

I’m a little taken back by Colton’s frank honesty for I expected him to evade any personal questions as he has thus far in regards to his cryptic comments. My heart breaks for the struggles of the little boy he was. I know he is glossing over the turmoil he must have went through finding his place in an already established family. “How was it growing up with parents so much in the public eye?”

“I guess it really is my turn for the inquisition,” he jokes before stretching his arm out resting his hand on the back of my chair, idly wrapping one of my curls around his finger as he speaks. “They did the best they could to insulate Quin and I from it all. Back then, the media was nothing like it is today,” he shrugs. “We had strict rules and mandatory Sunday night family dinners when my dad wasn’t on location. To us, the movie stars who came over for barbeques were just Tom and Russell, like any other people you invite to a family function. We didn’t know any differently.” He smiles broadly, “Man, they spoiled us rotten though, trying to make up for all I had missed out on in my early years.”

He stops talking when the food is served. We both express our gratitude to the waitress and add condiments to our burgers, deep in our own thoughts. I’m surprised when Colton speaks again, continuing to talk about growing up.

“God, I was a handful for them,” he admits. “Always creating a mess of one kind or another for them to have to clean up. Defiant. Rebelling against them—against everything really—every chance I had.”

I take a bite of my hamburger, moaning at how good it is. He flashes a smile at me, “I told you they were the best!”

“Heavenly!” I finish my bite. “Sooo good.” I wipe the corner of my mouth with a napkin and continue my quest for information on Colton. “So, why Donavan? Why not Westin?”

“So why Ace?” he counters, flashing me a combative grin. “Why not stud muffin or lover?”

It takes everything I have not to burst out laughing at those words falling from his lips. Instead, I angle my head, eyes full of humor, as I purse my lips and stare at him. I was curious how long it’d take for him to ask me that particular question. “Stud muffin just sounds all kinds of wrong coming from you,” I finally laugh, setting my elbows on the table and my head in my hands. “Are you evading my question Ace?”

“Nope,” he leans back in his chair, eyes never leaving mine. “I’ll answer your question when you answer mine.”

“That’s how you’re going to play this?” I arch a brow at him, “Show me yours and I’ll show you mine?”

Colton’s eyes light up with challenge and amusement. “Baby, I’ve already seen yours,” he says, flashing me a lightening fast grin before closing the distance and brushing his lips to mine, and then pulling away before I get a chance to really sink into the kiss. My body hums in frustration and arousal at the same time. “But I’d be more than happy to see the whole package again.”

My thoughts cloud and my thigh muscles tense at the thought, sexual tension colliding between the two of us. When I think I can speak without my voice betraying the effect he has on my body, I continue, “What was the question again?” I tease, batting my eyelashes playfully.

“Ace?” he shrugs, darting his tongue out to wet his bottom lip. “Why do you call me that?”

“It’s just something that Haddie and I made up a long time ago when we were in college.”

Colton raises his eyebrows at me, a silent attempt at prompting me further but I just smile shyly at him. “So it stands for something then? And not just pertaining to me in particular?” he asks working his jaw back and forth in thought as he waits for an answer I’m not going to give him. “And you’re not going to tell me what though, are you?”