“What makes you think that being outside would stop me?” He flashes a devilish grin before laughing out loud, throwing his head back, when he sees the shocked look on my face. “The danger of being caught only heightens sensation, Rylee. Increases the intensity of your arousal. Your climax.” His voice wraps seductively around me, spinning me in his web.

I stare at him, trying to unwrap my thoughts from his snare. Trying to find my wits about me so that I can respond and appear to be unaffected by his hypnotic words. “I thought you said you wanted somewhere private the first time?” I smirk, arching an eyebrow at him, thinking I’ve found my balance and thrown the ball back in his court.

He leans in close to me, breath feathering over my face and amusement dancing in his eyes. “Well at least I just got you to admit that there’s going to be a first time.”

My eyes widen as I realize what I’d just willingly walked into. I can’t help the smile that breaks across my lips as I take in the mischievously wicked one on his. He shakes his head and as his eyes break from mine he says, “Look at that.” He points to the horizon where the bottom of the sun hits the edge of the water, a bright ball sinking, and spilling pastels across the sky.

Grateful for the change in topic, I turn my head from my focus on him to look. “Why is it that the sun seems to take forever to reach the horizon and the minute it gets there it sinks so fast?”

“It reflects life, don’t you think?” he asks cryptically.

“How so?”

“Sometimes our journeys in life seem to take forever to get to the culmination of our efforts—to achieving the goal. And once we get there, it goes so fast and then its over.” He shrugs, surprising me with this philosophical, introspective side to him. “We forget that the journey is the best part. The reason for taking the ride. What we learn the most from.”

“Are you trying to tell me something in a round about way, Colton?” I ask, trying to figure out the emphasis of his point.

“Nope,” he says, a smile lighting up his features, “Just making an observation. That’s all.”

I eye him cautiously, still unsure what he’s trying to tell me despite his denial. I dig my toes into the sand still warm from the sun’s rays. I love the feeling of it as I scrunch my toes back and forth.

I hear Colton move next to me before I hear the paper bag from the deli rustling. I turn to see him stretched out across the blanket, pulling two Saran-wrapped squares from the bag. He sits back up next to me, crossing his legs like a kid in grade school. He holds a square up between us. “The cure for all woes,” he says handing it to me.

Our fingers brush as I take the brownie from him, his touch welcome. “You thought of everything on this twenty-five thousand dollar date, didn’t you?” I tease him, making quick work of the package. He watches me as I take my first bite, the scrumptious chocolate is delectable on my tongue and has me rolling my eyes in appreciation and moaning with ecstasy. This is the way to get to my heart.

I look from the brownie back up to Colton, a captivated look on his face. “Do you have any idea how fucking sexy you are right now?” his voice is gruff, pained even.

I stop chewing mid-bite at his comment. How is it he can make such simple words so spellbinding at the oddest times? The candor on his face throws me off. We just sit there, a few feet apart on a blanket on a beach, and stare at each other. No pretenses. No audience. No expectations. The unspoken words that flow between us are so powerful I’m afraid to blink, afraid to move, or afraid to speak for fear of ruining this moment. This instance in time when I feel like I’m seeing the true Colton Donavan—the unmasked version with a vulnerability that makes me want to reach over and take away the hurt that often flickers through those green eyes and make it better. To show him that love and commitment is possible without complications. That it is real and pure and much more powerful then ever imagined when it is built and shared between two people.

I feel a phantom ache in my heart as a tiny piece tears off, lost forever to Colton in this moment.

I finally break eye contact, lowering my eyes back to watch my fingers pick at my brownie. I know that I’ll never get to express this to him. I’ll never get the chance. At some point in the near future I will give my body to him willingly despite my head telling me it’s a mistake. I will revel in that moment with him which will be filled with reverent sighs and entangled bodies, and I’ll be devastated when he walks away after having his fill of me. I blink away the tears that in burn the back of my throat for that moment in time yet to come.

It has to be the approaching anniversary, I tell myself. I’m never this emotional—this unstable in my overanalyzing of situations.

I pick a chunk off the corner of my brownie and push it in my mouth. I look back up at him, a shy smile creeping onto his face, telling me that he felt the moment between us as well. I shiver at the cold that is approaching with the ever-darkening sky.

“You cold?” He questions, reaching out with his thumb to wipe a piece of chocolate from the corner of my mouth. He brings his thumb and holds it out to my mouth. I open my lips and suck the chocolate off. A groan rumbles in the back of his throat and his lips part slightly as he watches me. If I knew it’d be this erotic to watch his reaction, I’d leave a Hansel and Gretel trail of brownie crumbs all over my body and enjoy watching him find them.

I shiver again in response to his question despite the desirable heat burning within me.

“Since this was so impromptu, I didn’t bring a jacket or an extra blanket for you,” he says with disappointment in his voice. “We can go somewhere else if you’d like?”

I look up at him, a sincere look on my face. “Thank you, Colton. I really had a good time …”

“Despite the heavy conversation,” he adds when I pause in my comment.

I laugh at him, “Yes, despite the heavy topics, but I’ve had a really long week and I’m exhausted,” I apologize, “so I think it’s best if we head back.” I really don’t want to, but I am desperately trying to keep a level head here.

“Ooooh, the blow off!” he teases pressing a hand to his wounded heart, “that’s harsh, but I understand,” he laughs.

I help him start to wrap up the left-over food and place it back in the bag as we exchange casual comments between us. I start putting my socks and shoes back on when he says, “So Teddy signed the deal today with CDE.”

“That’s great!” I emote sincerely. Excited for the opportunity the agreement will have for my professional life and uncertain at the effect it will have on my personal life—being forced to be with him. “I can’t express how thankful I am—”

“Rylee,” he says with enough force to stop my sentence. “That, the donation, has nothing to do with this,” he says gesturing between the two of us.

Like hell it doesn’t. I wouldn’t be here with him at this moment in time if it weren’t for that arrangement.

“Sure,” I mumble in agreement, and I know that I’ve not convinced him.

***

“That’s mine,” I point toward my red and white Mini Cooper where it is parked on the street outside of The House. He pulls up behind it, pushing the button to quiet the sexy purr of the engine. The streetlights are on and the one nearest The House keeps flickering on and off at odd intervals. I can hear a dog barking several houses down and the smell of meat cooking on charcoal hangs in the air. It feels like home, normalcy, just what the seven boys tucked inside the house in front of me deserve.

Colton comes around the side of the car and opens the door, holding a hand out to help me from my seat. I clutch my purse to my chest, suddenly awkward in the moment as I make my way to my car with Colton’s hand on the small of my back.

I turn to face him, leaning my back against my car. I have my bottom lip between my teeth and worry it back and forth as my nerves seem to be getting the better of me. “Well … thank you for a nice evening, Colton,” I say as I look around the street unable to meet his eyes. Am I afraid that this might be it? Of course not, because I know I’ll have to see him for work. Then why do I suddenly feel a mixture of unease and sadness over parting with him? Why am I mentally kicking myself for not taking him up on the offer to go somewhere else?

Colton reaches out and places a finger under my chin, turning my face so that I’m forced to meet his eyes. “What is it, Rylee? What has you so afraid to feel? Every time you start to get caught up in the moment and hand yourself over to the sensation, something flashes across your face and has you withdrawing. Pulling back and becoming unavailable. Has you bottling back up all of that potential passion of yours in a matter of seconds.” He searches my eyes in question, his fingers firm on my chin so that I can’t avert my eyes. “Who did this to you, sweetheart? Who hurt you this badly?”

His eyes probe mine looking for answers I’m not willing to give him. The muscle in his jaw tics in frustration at my silence. His features, darkened by the night sky, are tense, awaiting my response. The flickering streetlight creates a stark contrast with his warring emotions.

I can feel my protective wall bristle at his unwanted attention. The only way I know how to deal, how to keep him at arm’s length, is to turn the question back on him. “I could ask you the same question, Colton. Who hurt you? What haunts those eyes of yours every so often?”

He quirks his eyebrows at my tactic, his concentrated stare never wavering. “I’m not a very patient man, Rylee,” he warns. “I’ll only wait so long before—”