“I’m just saying it seems sudden. You’re not a sudden type of guy.”
“Isn’t love really about someone being something no one else has been? Isn’t that what you have with Daisy? What you didn’t with Kelsey? What I never did with Charlotte? Isn’t it about that connection that clicks and settles down all that noise in your head? She excites me. She challenges me. I’m on fire when I’m with her. Not just the sex, though, wow. She’s that part inside I never knew I’d been missing. But now that I’ve found her, I don’t know what I’d do without her.”
Levi dug into the sandwich he’d ordered. “Wow. Well, congratulations then. For what it’s worth, I like her. Though she’s prickly, no doubt about it.”
“Now I just have to convince her I’m in it for the long haul. A lot of people have failed her in her life.” Jonah paused, wiping his mouth. “This is going to make us both uncomfortable, but here goes. You’re into the D/s stuff right? I mean, we’ve skirted around it . . .”
Levi nodded. “It wasn’t something I was really able to get into with Kelsey. I dabbled before Daisy. But she, Daisy, I mean, she just—it works with her. You and Raven?” Levi ate a while as he thought. “I’d be careful around any possible stuff that might bring up her abuse. I’m assuming she’s got some in her background and that’s what you were referring to.”
“I don’t want to say too much about that. She’s given me her confidence and I can’t betray it. But it hasn’t been an issue. Her sexuality is strong. She’s vibrant. She knows what she wants and I have zero doubt that if she didn’t want it, she’d let me know. This isn’t therapy for her. Or me for that matter. She needs . . . a strong hand. She needs to let go of all her control.”
“So you’re going to take her in hand?”
“Not in a paternalistic sense. Like I said, she’s a grown-ass woman. But all her bullshit notions about what a relationship is, what it means to be with someone, they need to be broken apart. She submits, holy shit, she gives over and it’s like everything just feels perfect. I need to break down her defenses, so she knows she can count on me.”
“That makes sense. Bind her perhaps?”
“I can’t believe we’re having this discussion.” Jonah snorted, taking a few hearty gulps of his scotch.
“Ha. You started it.”
“I’m going to collar her.”
Levi sat back. “Really? I can’t imagine she’d go for that.”
“Not to own her. But I think she needs that underline on my commitment. It’s a declaration from me, a tangible one. I think she needs to be peeled open, layer after layer, and since we really click sexually, I think that’s our key.”
Levi nodded. “I can see that. But I’d be sure my first-aid kit was stocked. Just in case she sees it differently.”
Jonah snorted. “She’s dangerous enough to kick my ass if I push too hard.”
“Hot though. Daisy undoes me when she’s like that. So, when are you seeing her again?”
“She’s coming over next week to do some more on my back. But I’m trying to get her to agree to be my date for the museum benefit this weekend. You and Daisy will be there, right?”
“Yes.” Levi gave him a look. “You sure about that?”
“Why?”
“Don’t give me that face. Mother is going to be there. Have you told her about Raven yet?”
“I’m a forty-two-year-old man. I don’t run my romantic life past my mother. Anyway, she and I are having lunch before the board meeting on Thursday so I was planning on it then.” He shrugged. “I mean to make Raven part of my life. I’m telling Carrie about her this week. I wanted to do it face-to-face, but she’s getting ready to go to Paris with her friends and I wanted her to know before I took her around anywhere she’d come into contact with Mother.”
“How do you think Carrie is going to react?”
“If she isn’t happy for me, I raised her wrong.”
“True. It’s not like you’ve been bringing all manner of random chick around since you and Charlotte split. Mother, on the other hand . . .”
“Whatever.”
“You know I’ve got your back. You kicked my ass when I messed things up with Daisy. We want you to be happy like we are. And in case you’re wondering, those are her words. I’m more prone to bad words and threats to keep you in line.”
Jonah grinned at his brother. “Hopefully it’ll be all right.”
Raven lay on her belly, dancing a plastic horse around as Alexander made growling sounds with his.
“Dude, horses don’t growl.” Ben grinned at his son.
“Mine do.” Alexander nodded once and went back to growling and prancing.
Raven tried not to laugh.
“Good thing you came over. Brody and Elise will be here in a few minutes with Marti and Rennie.”
Alexander clapped. “Yay! Pizza!”
“I was thinking tacos.”
Alexander got serious for a moment and then nodded. “’Kay.”
“Want some help?”
“You’re not going to try to beg off?”
“You’d only guilt me into staying. I haven’t seen the girls in a few weeks, anyway.”
Erin liked the change in her friend. It had been a very long time coming. But Raven seemed comfortable with Elise at long last. And maybe even herself.
“Ben, you need to take over horse duty.” Raven handed the plastic horse to him and he settled in with Alexander.
They went into the kitchen and washed up. “So?” Erin began to pull ingredients from the fridge.
“Things are good.”
“I didn’t even have to poke at you for ten minutes to get you to tell me. Must be good.”
Raven looked up from where she’d started cleaning the produce. “It is. They are. Whatever.”
“You two have spent a lot of time together lately.”
“We have. We spent pretty much the entire day together on Monday. Went up to Snoqualmie to look at the leaves. Walked a lot. He’s a hand holder. Opens doors. Pulls my chair out. He glowers at people if they don’t move out of my way when we’re on the sidewalk.”
Erin loved that about her men. Loved the way they always made her feel protected. Cherished.
“It’s not that I can’t do it for myself. But he likes to and I let him. He sort of gets that I’m letting him. He’s nice to me. Though, he’s so pushy. Always wants to know about my childhood and stuff.”
Erin stilled a moment and then kept moving. “And?”
“I told him some. He saw the scars. I told him about that. He knows I was in foster care. Not all of it,” Raven added quickly. “I don’t want his pity. I don’t know if I could stand it. If he pitied me, I mean.”
“Sometimes, just saying it out loud lifts the weight.” Erin knew about this personally. Knew what it felt like to hold all that pain inside until she’d finally shared it with Todd and then Ben. Knew that it had brought them all closer to have shared her grief.
Knew too that Jonah Warner would keep pushing Raven to share and that hopefully, if Raven didn’t balk and run off, she might have found a person worthy of her confidences.
Raven lifted a shoulder. “It’s hard to say it out loud sometimes.”
“I know. But it’s not you. You did nothing wrong.”
“Academic.”
Erin knew about guilt over things that weren’t her fault too.
“Sometimes you should listen to your head as well as your gut.”
“I’m trying. He wants to stay over. God.”
Erin snorted as she began to shred cheese. “I imagine he’s not one to take no for an answer.”
“No.”
“Why don’t you just tell him?”
“Tell him what? I don’t need therapy, Erin, so don’t start on me with your freaking psychological mumbo jumbo about why I like to sleep alone.”
“Alexander has slept over.”
Raven smiled, softening. For her baby. Love swamped Erin just then. Raven would take a bullet for Alexander. She loved that boy and he loved his auntie right back.
“He’s my best guy. Clearly the rules can be broken for him.”
“I’m just saying, rules were meant to be broken. Especially when they exist to bandage some long-ago trauma that may need a little sunlight and fresh air.”
Raven grunted and went back to work.
Brody came over before Erin could do much more nosing around. Marti, Brody and Elise’s toddler, came into the kitchen at a full run, her arms open. When she saw Raven as well as Erin her face lit even more. She squealed with total joy as Raven stepped to her and swung her up into a hug.
“Martine, my love. I think you’re a foot taller now.”
Marti threw chubby arms around Raven’s neck.
Rennie came into the room and it struck Erin that her niece was nearly a teenager. In just a few months she’d be thirteen. But she had her mother’s beauty. Pale hair, big blue eyes. A dancer’s long, lean body.
“Why hello, Rennie.” Erin hugged her.
“Hey, Aunt Erin.” She grinned. “Thanks for the awesome paints. I’m working on something now. You know, to thank you.”
Elise came in, smiling at the sight of her daughters with Raven and Erin.
“I want to see too.” Raven handed Marti to Erin and then tipped her chin to Rennie, who still looked at her like she was the most awesome fireworks show ever.
“My art?”
“Yeah. Your dad showed me some the last time I saw him. He’s got like forty pictures of it on his phone. But that’s not the same as in real life.”
Rennie blushed and then bent when Alexander came in, patting her thigh. “Yo, Nee!”
“Hey, Alexander.” She knelt to hug him and he handed her a horse.
“Come play.”
Rennie waved at them and followed Alexander out.
“She’s a great kid,” Erin said before turning her attention back to Marti, kissing those chubby toddler cheeks. “Where’s Brody?”
“Jeez.” Raven went back to work. “Hello, Elise. How are you? Sorry about Erin’s manners. You know how she gets when she’s got a baby in her arms.”
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