“Now.”

Rachel’s body went rigid before she sat back to look down at me. “Slow down there, cowboy. Why don’t we get married and enjoy a year first. What brought this on?”

My eyes automatically drifted back to her flat stomach the same time my hands did. “I was watching you with my little cousins all day, and I want that with you. I don’t want to wait years. We’re getting married in two and a half months, you wouldn’t even be showing.”

She burst out laughing and fell back. “Oh my God, Kash, no. Just . . . no. We’re not having a baby right now, and we’re definitely not getting pregnant before we get married! We can start thinking about it in a couple years.”

“Why? What’s the difference of now and in a year or two?”

“There’s a huge difference! That’s a lot of time of just us that I want. This is the most backward argument we’ve ever had. Shouldn’t I be arguing your side and you arguing mine?”

“We’re not arguing, we’re discussing, Sour Patch.”

“Okay, well discussion over,” she huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. “No mini-mes running around.”

Switching our positions from earlier, I curled my body over hers and pressed my lips to her throat. “I want a family with you, Rachel, and I don’t want to wait for that. I had to watch you for hours playing with my little cousins and holding Ava’s baby. All day all I’ve been able to think about, or see, is that image and wanting it to be ours. Wanting to see your stomach growing with our child. I want to start our family.”

“Kash,” she whispered and pulled my head up to press her lips to mine. “That was a really good effort, but no.”

I growled and mumbled, “I’m going to hide your birth control.”

Rachel sucked in a large amount of air, and I knew she was about to let me have it, but I’d just realized I knew where her birth control was.

She must have seen the recognition flash in my eyes, because hers widened and she gasped, “Oh no, sir!”

I jumped off the couch, but she grabbed me before I could land, and we both hit the ground with Rachel now caging me to the floor. Not that I couldn’t get out, but I fucking loved the position we were in.

“Logan Kash Ryan . . . I swear to God if you hide my pills, I will go to my doctor and get one of those birth control things put in tomorrow. You know those ones last five years unless you get them taken out? Actually five years until kids sounds pretty good right about now.”

My hands had been traveling up her waist, underneath her shirt; but when I realized what she was saying, I froze. “You wouldn’t.”

“I would and I will,” she gritted out.

“Fine.” I shrugged and ran my hands back down her flat stomach. Flashes of me running my hands over Rachel’s stomach, round with our child, hit me hard. Just like they had been all day.

I’d thought about having kids . . . eventually. But now? It was all I could think about. Something about seeing Rachel holding Shea had made it all click today, and I wanted it so bad, it felt like it was all I’d be able to think about until I saw it through. And, Jesus Christ, I wanted to see it through.

“It’s like you said”—I whispered, and my hands went to the button on her shorts—“they aren’t one hundred percent effective anyway.”

Her face fell. “You’re using condoms again. Starting now.”

“The fuck I am!”

“Kash.” She sighed and sat up, but her body curved in on itself as I watched hidden exhaustion set over her features. “I don’t want to even think about this right now. Okay? We can figure something out in a few years, but for now just . . . stop. Don’t push the issue of having kids on me.”

Whoa, what? “The issue of having kids? I thought you wanted kids.”

“I don’t know, Kash . . . I just—I can’t talk about this right now.”

“Rach—”

She pushed off me and had gone two feet before she turned and pointed a finger at me. “If you want kids so damn bad, figure out how to have them yourself!”

What the hell? When did she go from wanting kids eventually to not wanting to talk about it at all?

“Rachel,” I called after her when she turned to leave again. “Come here and just talk to me.”

She kept going. Slipping into her sandals, she grabbed her purse and headed toward the front door. I scrambled up and ran over to her, grabbing her arm just as she’d reached out for the doorknob.

“Are you kidding me? What the hell is going on? Why are you throwing shields at me, and how did that conversation just turn into you being upset and leaving?”

She kept her head down and refused to look at me. “I just want to go for a drive. Let me go.”

If I let her go now, we would go back ten steps . . . and I wasn’t willing to go back to how we’d been. Rachel keeping things from me. Shielding me from her emotions. Pushing everyone—including me—away. Hell no. Never again. “No. First off, you don’t leave when you’re upset or if we’re in the middle of a fight. You talk to me. Second, I told you a long time ago we were done with your shields, and we’re not about to start up with them again. So sit down and tell me what’s going on with you all of a sudden.”

“Kash, just let me go clear my—”

She hadn’t acted like this, or shielded me, for almost a year. To be honest, it was freaking me the fuck out that she was starting it again. Knowing she would keep this up until I dropped it or she eventually left, I did the only thing I knew in order to get her to listen. “I said sit the fuck down, Rachel!”

I hated yelling at her, but there was something about me taking control of the situation, and being an asshole, that always got Rachel to break down her walls and start talking. Not waiting for her to move, I grabbed her purse and dropped it on the floor, bent so my shoulder was against her stomach, and stood back up with her hanging over me.

“Why are you such an ass?” she grunted when I turned back toward the living room. “All I want is to be alone right now!”

“Ah, my little Sour Patch. We’re going to have to work on that if you want to get married. Because after we are, you can’t just walk out on a fight.”

“I didn’t know we were fighting,” she grumbled.

“We weren’t until you started PMS-ing on me.”

“I am not PMS-ing! Put me down!”

“Gladly.” I let her slide down and pushed her so she was lying down on the couch and crawled on top of her, caging her in. “Talk.”

Her blue eyes were on fire as they narrowed at me, and I watched as her jaw locked while she took deep breaths in through her nose. My girl was about to explode, and as much as I loved her when she was pissed off, I needed to know what had just happened.

“Drop the attitude, Sour Patch, and talk to me.”

“I don’t want to talk to you. I want a couple hours to myself, we can talk after.”

“Too bad. You have me with you right now, and I’m not going anywhere. Why do you suddenly not want to have kids? I understand wanting to wait until after we are married, but you kept making it longer and longer until you tell me you don’t know if you want kids. When did this change?”

“I don’t know, okay? I. Don’t. Know. You see me with little kids and your mind instantly goes to us having kids. You know where mine went? Exactly where it’s been going the last couple months. The fact that I won’t have my mom there with me when I go through pregnancies, and having babies, and taking care of toddlers, and dealing with teenagers with bad attitudes! I don’t have her here to plan our wedding, she wasn’t there when I bought my dress, she won’t be there for anything, Kash, do you understand that?” Her temper flared out quickly and tears filled her eyes. “I’ve already been having a hard time with that, but today as I sat there and listened to Ava ask your aunts and mom dozens of questions, I realized I’m terrified of not having my mom there to call and ask questions when we have kids. What if I do it all wrong?”

“Babe,” I crooned and moved my hands to brush my thumbs across her cheeks. “You’re going to be a great mom whenever we have kids, you won’t do it wrong, and you’ll have my mom there if you have questions.”

“I know, and I’ll have Janet. But it won’t be the same.” Her eyes fluttered shut when a few tears dropped down her face and into her hair. “They were supposed to be here for everything.”

“I’m so sorry, Rachel.” Squeezing myself between her and the back of the couch, I turned her and pulled her against my chest. I hadn’t known what to expect just then, but I had no idea she’d been struggling with not having her parents here for all of this, and felt like a jackass for not knowing. I should have known. “I’m sorry they aren’t here, but you have a lot of people who love you and are here for you. They won’t make up for your parents, I know that, and so do they. But they’re here for you, and I’m always here for you.”

She nodded against my chest and took a shuddering breath in.

“And you never leave when you’re upset. Okay? We always talk things out.”

“ ’Kay.”

Kissing the top of her head, I pulled her up until I could see her face. “I’ll lay off the baby talk, and I’m sorry for pushing that on you. I got carried away with seeing you like that today. But from now on, will you talk to me about what’s going on so we don’t have to go through this again? I should have known this would be a hard time for you, and I’m sorry I didn’t. Next time, though, please tell me. I can’t help you if I don’t know, and if we can avoid what just happened, I’d prefer that.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I just let it all get to me and I didn’t want you to think I wasn’t excited about getting married, because I am. It’s hard without them, but I am happy, I swear.”