Surprisingly, she asked to return the following evening, where once again she and my father found themselves in the den, discussing coins. As I watched them, I wondered what Savannah was making of a situation that I’d long since grown used to. At the same time, I prayed that she would be more understanding than I had once been. By the time we left, I realized that I’d had nothing to worry about. Instead, as we drove back to the beach, she spoke about my dad in glowing terms, particularly praising the job he’d done raising me. While I wasn’t sure what to make of it, I breathed a sigh of relief that she seemed to have accepted my dad for who he was.
By the weekend, my appearance at the beach house was becoming a regular occurrence. Most of the people in the house had learned my name, though they still showed little interest in me, exhausted as they were by the day’s hard work. Most of them were clustered around the television by seven or eight, instead of drinking and flirting on the beach. Everyone looked sunburned, and all wore Band-Aids on their fingers to cover their blisters.
On Saturday night, people in the house had found additional reservoirs of energy, and I showed up just as a group of guys were unloading case after case of beer from the back of a van. I helped carry them up and realized that since the first night I’d seen Savannah, I hadn’t had so much as a sip of alcohol. Like the weekend before, the grill was going and we ate near the bonfire; afterward we went for a walk on the beach. I’d brought a blanket and a picnic basket filled with late night snacks, and while lying on our backs, we watched a show of falling stars, staring in amazement as the flashes of white raced across the sky. It was one of those perfect evenings with just enough breeze to keep us from being either hot or cold, and we talked and kissed for hours before falling asleep in each other’s arms.
When the sun began its rise from the sea on Sunday morning, I sat up beside Savannah. Her face was lit with the glow of dawn, and her hair fanned out over the blanket. She had one arm across her chest and another above her head, and all I could think was that I would like to spend every morning for the rest of my life waking up beside her.
We went to church again, and Tim was his regular chipper self, despite the fact that we’d barely spoken a word to him all week. He asked me again whether I’d like to help on the house. I told him that I’d be leaving the following Friday, and therefore I didn’t know how much help I could be.
“I think you’re wearing him down,” Savannah said, smiling at Tim.
He raised his hands. “At least you can’t say I didn’t try.”
It was perhaps the most idyllic week I’d ever spent. My feelings for Savannah had only grown stronger, but as the days wore on, I began to feel a gnawing anxiety at how soon all of this would be ending. Whenever those feelings arose, I tried to force them away, but by Sunday night, I could barely sleep. Instead, I tossed and turned, and thought of Savannah, and tried to imagine how I could be happy knowing she was across the ocean and surrounded by men, one of whom might come to feel exactly the way I did about her.
When I arrived at the house on Monday evening, I couldn’t find Savannah. I had someone check her room, and I poked my head into every bathroom. She wasn’t on the deck out back or on the beach with the others.
I went down to the beach and asked around, receiving mainly shrugs of indifference. A couple of people hadn’t even realized she was gone, but finally one of the girls—Sandy or Cindy, I wasn’t sure—pointed down the beach and said they’d seen her head that way about an hour earlier.
It took a long time to find her. I walked the beach in both directions, finally focusing on the pier near the house. On a hunch, I climbed the stairs, hearing the waves crashing below me. When I caught sight of Savannah, I thought she’d come out to the pier to look for porpoises or watch the surfers. She was sitting with her knees pulled up, leaning against a post, and it was only when I got close that I realized she was crying.
I’d never known quite what to do when I saw a girl cry. In all honesty, I never knew what to do when anyone cried. My father never cried, or if he did, it was never in my presence. And the last time I’d cried had been in the third grade, when I’d fallen from the tree house and sprained my wrist. In my unit, I’d seen a couple of the guys cry, and I’d usually pat them on the back and then wander away, leaving the whys and what can I dos to someone with more experience.
Before I could decide what to do, Savannah saw me. She hurriedly swiped at her red and swollen eyes, and I heard her draw a couple of steadying breaths. Her bag, the one I’d rescued from the ocean, was sandwiched between her legs.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“No,” she answered, and my heart clenched.
“Do you want to be alone?”
She considered it. “I don’t know,” she said at last.
Not knowing what else to do, I stood where I was.
Savannah sighed. “I’ll be okay.”
I slipped my hands in my pockets as I nodded. “Would you rather be alone?” I asked again.
“Do I really have to tell you?”
I hesitated. “Yeah.”
She gave a melancholy laugh. “You can stay,” she said. “In fact, it might be nice if you came and sat by me.”
I took a seat and then, after a brief period of indecision, slipped my arm around her. For a while, we sat together without saying anything. Savannah inhaled slowly, and her breathing became steadier. She wiped at the tears that continued to slide down her cheeks.
“I bought you something,” she said after a while. “I hope you’re okay with it.”
“I’m sure it’s fine,” I mumbled.
She sniffled. “Do you know what I was thinking about when I came out here?” She didn’t wait for an answer. “I was thinking about us,” she said. “The way we met and how we talked that first night, how you flashed your tattoos and gave Randy the evil eye. And your goofy expression when we went surfing the first time, after I rode the wave to shore….”
When she trailed off, I squeezed her waist. “I’m sure there’s a compliment in there somewhere.”
She tried to rally with a shaky grin but didn’t quite succeed. “I remember everything about those first few days,” she said. “And the same goes for the whole week. Spending time with your dad, going out for ice cream, even staring at that dumb boat.”
“We won’t go back,” I promised, but she raised her hands to stop me.
“You’re not letting me finish,” she said. “And you’re missing my point. My point is that I loved each and every moment of it, and I didn’t expect that. I didn’t come here for that, just like I didn’t come here to fall in love with you. Or, in a different way, with your father.”
Chastened, I said nothing.
She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I think your dad is fantastic. I think he’s done a wonderful job raising you, and I know you don’t, and…”
When she seemed to run out of words, I shook my head, perplexed. “And that’s why you were crying? Because of the way I feel about my dad?”
“No,” she said. “Weren’t you listening?”
She paused, as if trying to organize her chaotic thoughts. “I didn’t want to fall in love with anyone,” she said. “I wasn’t ready for that. I’ve been through that once, and afterwards I was a mess. I know it’s different, but you’ll be leaving in just a few days and all this will be over… and I’ll be a mess again.”
“It doesn’t have to be over,” I protested.
“But it will be,” she said. “I know we can write and talk on the phone now and then, and we could see each other when you come home on leave. But it won’t be the same. I won’t be able to see your silly expressions. We won’t be able to lie on the beach together and stare at the stars. We won’t be able to sit across from each other and talk and share secrets. And I won’t feel your arm around me, like I do now.”
I turned away, feeling a rising sense of frustration and panic. Everything she was saying was true.
“It just hit me today,” she went on, “while I was browsing in the bookstore. I went there to get you a book, and when I found it, I started imagining how you’d react when I gave it to you. The thing was, I knew that I’d see you in just a couple of hours, and then I would know, and that made it okay. Because even if you were upset, I knew that we’d get through it because we could work it out face-to-face. That’s what I came to realize while sitting out here. That when we’re together, anything is possible.” She hesitated, then continued. “Pretty soon, that’s not going to be possible anymore. I’ve known since we met that you’d only be here for a couple of weeks, but I didn’t think that it was going to be this hard to say good-bye.”
“I don’t want to say good-bye,” I said, gently turning her face to mine.
Beneath us, I could hear the waves crashing against the pilings. A flock of seagulls passed overhead, and I leaned in to kiss her, my lips barely brushing hers. Her breath smelled of cinnamon and mint, and I thought again of coming home.
Hoping to take her mind off such gloomy thoughts, I gave her a brisk squeeze and pointed at the bag. “So what book did you buy me?”
She seemed puzzled at first, then remembered she’d mentioned it earlier. “Oh yeah, I guess it’s time for that, huh?”
By the way she said it, I suddenly knew she hadn’t bought me the latest Hiaasen. I waited, but when I tried to meet her eyes, she turned away.
“If I give it to you,” she said, her voice serious, “you have to promise me that you’ll read it.”
I wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. “Sure,” I said, drawing out the word. “I promise.”
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