“I know.”

“You’re not thinking of coming back?”

“My plans are rather uncertain at the moment.”

“We’d like to have you here,” she said wistfully. “I was saying to Mr. Crimp only the other day, I said, ‘If Miss Noelle came back, it would be a little like the old days.’ “

“People can’t go back, Mrs. Crimp.”

“That’s a fact, if ever there was one. Mr. Crimp and me … we get really down sometimes thinking of the old days. There was always something going on … that Mr. Charlie and that Mr. Robber and them all popping in, and as for that Dolly … he was a regular caution. Then there was that Martha Gee. She was a real old battle-axe, she was.”

I drank a glass of wine and complimented her on her biscuits, remembering how she had always loved receiving compliments.

“It’s like the old days, sitting here talking to you, Miss Noelle,” she told me. “You’ll have to have a word with Jane and Carrie. We don’t have a carriage now. No use for it. We’re a small household. Monsewer Robber would be so pleased if you was to come back. We understood he took the house so that you could use it. Now it seems he’s done it all for that Miss Fennell. That’s all very well, but she’s not the family, is she? Mr. Crimp and me … we’re always hoping you’ll come back.”

There was a pleading note in her voice, and I said: “I can’t say anything at the moment, Mrs. Crimp. I have to see how things go.”

“You like it in the country with that Mr. Charlie’s family, do you?”

“Well … it’s not my home, you see …”

“You’d be better with us. Oh, I know there’s all this to remind you. Every day something comes to me and I say, this is where she did this … or that. There’s no getting away from it. But I wouldn’t want to go away. I like to be in the old place, even though it’s so different without her.”

“I understand what you mean. I like to be here … and on the other hand there are all the memories to remind me.”

We sat in silence for a few moments thinking of her, then I said I would go.

“Just have a word with Jane and Carrie … and would you like to look at her rooms? Maybe not. Perhaps later. As I said, they’re all kept as they were. Monsewer Robber’s orders. When he comes here he goes up there. He even sleeps in her bedroom sometimes. He’s a funny man, that Monsewer Robber. Well, he’s a foreigner. He’s not like Mr. Charlie. You know where you stand with him.”

I had a talk with Jane and Carrie and I was gratified, for they showed as clearly as Mrs. Crimp had that they were delighted to see me.

How different from Lady Constance!

Perhaps I should come back … for a short while at least. Would it help me to sort out my life back in that house where her presence permeated the household so strongly?

I steeled myself to go to her rooms. They were just as she had left them. Her clothes were hanging in the wardrobe: I could smell her perfume still. It was almost as though she lingered on … reluctant to go.

In those rooms I could feel that she was somewhere close, looking down on me, caring for me, trying to guide me in the way I should go.

It was late afternoon when I returned to Charlie’s house. I felt emotionally drained and a little comforted.

I had not been in the house half an hour when I was told that there was a visitor for me in the drawing room.

I went downstairs. There was Lisa Fennell.

She looked well and prosperous.

She took both my hands and kissed them.

“They told me you had been,” she said.

“It was so good to see them.”

“I wished I had been at home. As soon as I heard you had called, I came right over. I can’t stay. I have to get to the theatre, but I had to see you first. How long will you be in London?”

“I only came for a day or so but I may stay longer.”

“Oh, you must. Noelle, how are you … really?”

“I’m all right, thanks. And you?”

“All right. It has been awful … I can’t forget. You’re better with Charlie.”

“He is going to be away for a few weeks.”

“And what about … ?”

“Roderick? Oh, he’s at Leverson Manor, of course. It’s a vast estate. Roderick and Charlie have to spend a lot of time on it.”

“I daresay they do. I suppose you and Roderick see a lot of each other?”

“Yes. He’s been teaching me to ride. I shall soon be proficient, he tells me.”

“That must be interesting. And Charlie, of course, is a dear man. And his wife … ?”

“Oh yes, Lady Constance.”

“I expect you get along well with her.”

“She is rather formal.”

She nodded, sensing the meaning in my words.

I said quickly: “But tell me, Lisa, how are you getting on?”

“I can’t grumble. It’s good to be working.”

“I heard. In Rags and Tatters. What sort of a show is it?”

“The usual song-and-dance affair.”

“And all is going well?”

“Not badly. Front row of the chorus, and what do you think? Dolly has made me understudy to Lottie Langdon.”

“That’s good, is it not?”

“I think so. I shall never cease to be grateful. I owe everything to your mother.”

“Well, she made Dolly take you in in the first place.”

“She was wonderful.”

Neither of us spoke for a moment. Then I said: “We’ve got to try to forget the past.”

“It’s not easy.”

She smiled in an attempt at brightness. “You must come and see Rags and Tatters while you’re here.”

“I’d like to.”

“It’s playing to full houses at the moment. But Lottie is not …”

“No. No one could be.”

“I could get a good seat for you the night after tomorrow. Dolly would see to that.”

I hesitated. It would be an excuse to stay on and there was only one reason why I wanted to return to Leverson, and that was to see Roderick, whom I realized I was missing more than I had thought I would.

I said quickly: “That would be very nice, Lisa. I’ll look forward to seeing you.”

“That’s fixed, then. The night after tomorrow.”

Roderick arrived in London. I was preparing to go out, in a somewhat listless fashion, when there was a tap on my door.

I called: “Come in.” And there was Roderick.

My pleasure must have been obvious. He seized my hands, laughing.

“I thought I’d look you up,” he said. “It’s a long time since I saw you.”

“Three days,” I said.

“It seemed longer. When are you coming back?”

“I … I’m not sure.”

“I thought you had just come up for a meeting with the solicitor. Surely you have had that by now? I thought I would come and see what was delaying you.”

“Oh, Roderick, how nice you are!”

“I’m only being truthful. We missed you.”

We? I thought. Lady Constance?

“Roderick,” I said. “You must see that I can’t go on encroaching on your family’s hospitality.”

“What nonsense! My father would be most put out if he heard you say that.”

“And your mother?”

“Oh, she’ll come round in time.”

I sighed. I could not believe that. At the same time, I was pleased that he wanted my return so much that he brushed it aside. I should have liked to talk to him seriously about my position, but that was too delicate a matter to be lightly discussed.

“How did the meeting go? Fruitfully, I hope.”

“As expected. I have enough to live … quite humbly …so that gives me time to decide what I shall do without making rash decisions.”

He looked pensive, and I thought he was going to say something, but he seemed to change his mind. After a pause, he said: “What else have you done?”

“Do you remember Lisa Fennell?”

“Of course. She was the understudy.”

“That’s right. I’ve seen her. She is still at the house. Robert said she could stay until she found somewhere to live. She is in something called Rags and Tatters. I am going to see it tonight.”

“By yourself?”

“That won’t matter. I shall know people in the company. Dolly will be there, of course. He’ll bring me home.”

“I think you should have an escort. I shall come with you.”

“Oh? Would you like that?”

“Nothing better. I shall go right away to see about the seats.”

I was feeling happier.

“That won’t be necessary. Lisa’s in the chorus. She said something about seats. I must let her know there will be two of us.”

“It is going to be a very interesting evening,” he said.

It was wonderful to be with him. We lunched near Hyde Park and afterwards went for a walk there and sat by the Serpentine. During that time he persuaded me to go back with him the next day. I have to admit I needed little persuasion. My visit to London had shown me that there was nothing there for me but poignant memories from which I could not escape.

Moreover, I was facing my true feelings for Roderick. In his company I was happier than I thought it possible to be after losing my mother, and I was beginning to think that he was the only one who could give me compensation for what I had lost.

During that day in Hyde Park, I was almost happy.

Lisa had told Dolly that I proposed to come to see the show with a friend, and he had arranged seats in the stalls. I knew it would be an emotional experience, going to the theatre where my mother had last performed, and I steeled myself for it.

When the curtain rose, I quickly identified Lisa. I watched her closely. She was outstanding. She sang the songs with special verve and danced abandonedly. I was not surprised that Dolly had chosen her to understudy Lottie Langdon. Lottie herself was a very professional performer, but she lacked the charisma which had been so much a part of my mother’s personality.