“You’re quite sure?” I asked.
“My dear girl,” Sebastian said. “I do think I’d remember having my portrait painted. Although now you mention it, it’s not a bad idea. What do you say, Monet?”
The artist’s reply was something akin to a growl, and I let the subject go. I had no reason to doubt Monet’s sincerity (or his memory), but Sebastian’s credentials were more than dubious. I wanted to talk to him privately, but was not to have the chance. Before we’d all retired for the night, he’d disappeared, slipping into the darkness, leaving no explanation, only a too-flowery note thanking Monet for the excellent wine and continuing to debate Manet’s inclusion in the Impressionist movement.
9
My mood had lightened considerably by the time we left Giverny. It is difficult to be morose or to wallow when in the company of such friends, and their loving cheer was just the remedy for the ills I’d suffered since Constantinople. Fortified and feeling more like myself than I had in months, I was full of happy hope. Cécile had gone ahead with her plan to stay on a few more days, leaving Colin and me to set off on our own the next morning, aboard an early train.
“I can’t say I feel keenly the loss of Capet,” my husband said, snuggling close to me. “I do adore you on trains. Pity we don’t have more privacy.”
This brought to mind delicious memories of the time we’d spent on the Orient Express en route to Constantinople. “You do still owe me a proper honeymoon. Where shall we go? Egypt?”
“I’m thinking somewhere mundane and tedious, a place where intrigue cannot possibly find us.”
“Sounds dreadful,” I said, glowing. “Won’t we be beside ourselves with boredom?”
“I have a number of ways in mind to keep you occupied.”
“Do you?” I asked, scooting even closer to him. “Can we leave now? Please?”
“As soon as I’ve sorted out what Gaudet needs from me.”
After the train arrived at the small station in Yvetot, the market town closest to his mother’s house, we directed our waiting carriage to head for the Markhams’ château so that we might redeliver Monet’s painting to them. George beamed with pleasure when he saw us approach.
“You’ve caught us outside again. Madeline didn’t want to squander weather this lovely,” he said, striding across the lawn with his wife to greet us. “We know it can’t last with those clouds on the horizon. Dare I hope Monet accepted my offer? The parcel you’re carrying fills me with hope.”
“No haggling necessary,” Colin said, handing it to him.
“You’re absolute geniuses,” George said. “Will you come inside and help me hang it?”
“Must we right away, George?” Madeline asked. “It’s too beautiful to be inside.”
“You can stay out if you’d like, darling. I’ve a hankering for a decent cigar. Hargreaves, indulge with me? We can leave the ladies to whatever it is ladies do.”
“I’d be loath to turn down such an attractive offer,” Colin said. “If, Emily, you’ll forgive me for abandoning you?”
“We’re happy to see you go,” Madeline said, her face shining. “Ladies need time for gossip as much as men do, and I can’t stand the smell of tobacco.”
I’d never supported the segregation of the sexes (it seemed, in my experience, the ladies always got the short end of the interesting conversation), and the thought of a decent cigar was more than a little tempting, but I had a feeling George would balk at giving me one. Resigned, I looped my arm through hers and we set off along the gravel path. The lushness of Normandy was a delight. As green as Ireland and rich with flowers in every bright shade: blue and vibrant purple, magenta and gold, orange and white. They grew wild on the sides of roads and paths, tamed only in carefully tended gardens. The formality of the Markhams’ grounds was a stark contrast to Monet’s, but both were stunning.
Thunder rolled far in the distance, but the sky remained bright. “I don’t think we’ll be driven indoors yet,” Madeline said. “Do you mind if we keep walking? I do love it here, but admit to finding myself lonely sometimes. George is all I have, especially now that my mother’s not herself, and his work keeps him busy much of the time.”
“Art?”
“At the moment, that’s what he’s fixated on. Collecting, primarily, at least for the moment. He’s always finding what he thinks will be his life’s great passion, but it rarely lasts more than a few months, maybe a year.”
“Focus can be a difficult thing,” I said.
“I did think he’d stick with medicine. He was so happy with it for a while—years, not months. But that, too, lost its luster.”
“What else has he pursued?”
“Egyptology,” she said, her brow furrowed. “Let’s see…there was cricket. That was before I met him. And Richard III. He was desperate to know if the king killed the little Princes in the Tower. He did a stint in the Foreign Legion—his adventure year—I missed him dreadfully. Collecting art has satisfied him for a while now, but he’s also begun painting.”
“Is he good?” I asked.
“He won’t show anyone what he’s done,” she said. “And has made me swear that I won’t disturb his studio.”
“Is it in the house?”
“No.” She shook her head. “One of the outbuildings near the dovecote. I don’t like going there, so it’s easy to respect his privacy.”
“Why don’t you like going there?”
“I had an accident in the dovecote a few years ago. I’d climbed up to the top—wanted to see the view. But coming down, I slipped. The stairs aren’t as safe as they might be. I hadn’t realized at the time that I was with child, but almost immediately after the fall it became apparent I was losing it.”
“I’m so sorry,” I said, a prickly feeling on the back of my neck.
She laughed, the sound tight and strained in her throat. “You must find it bizarre that I speak so openly about such things. But they consume me. I don’t know how to begin to stop thinking about it.”
“That’s completely understandable,” I said. “I know all too well how you feel.”
“Sometimes, though, I find myself almost enjoying the grief. As if it’s what defines me, and I don’t know what I’d do without it.” She tipped back her head, eyes lifted to the clouds now darkening the sky above us. “It’s the only bit of my children I have.”
This sent horrible chills running through me, and I found I had no desire to continue the conversation in such a vein. It cut too close to emotions of my own. “I had no idea about your accident,” I said. “But I, too, have felt something strange each time I’ve passed the building.”
“Did you hear anything?” she asked, coming to a sharp halt.
“Other than doves, no. Maybe some mice.”
“I’ve heard the weeping of a child.”
“When?” I asked, my blood feeling thick with sludge.
“Only a few days ago,” she said.
“Was there anyone there?”
“I couldn’t bring myself to go inside.”
“What about the windows?” I asked. The wind kicked up, bathing us in quickly cooling air. “Could you see anyone standing in them?”
“I didn’t even think to look,” she said. “The only thing I could do was run. I nearly slammed into George when I reached the garden—and could see at once that he was worried. And I do hate being the source of so much concern to him. So I pretended to be jovial, and challenged him to race me through the maze. I think you came to see us shortly thereafter.”
I had indeed. And there could be no doubt that the child I’d seen was the source of the crying Madeline had heard. I considered telling her, but hesitated. Her face, pale and drawn, looked so fragile. She was suffering a milder version—or earlier stage—of her mother’s debilitating illness. How could I reveal to her something that would only upset her further? Particularly—and I hated to admit this—when I couldn’t be sure that anyone had been standing in the dovecote.
Which made me begin, for the first time, to question the soundness of my own mind. Had grief made me, like Madeline, come unhinged? Had I not seen the ghostly girl—for I now thought of her as a ghost—I should never have considered such a thing. Yes, I had mourned. Yes, I was sad. But I had never thought the trauma I’d suffered could play tricks on my psyche. I glanced at my companion and wanted to tear straight to the dovecote, confronting these irrational thoughts, proving to myself once and for all that this was nothing more than stuff and nonsense.
“Let’s go there, Madeline,” I said, feeling at once reckless and brave. “Let’s see that there’s nothing there. That there’s nothing to be afraid of.”
“Now?”
“Yes, now.” I turned on the path, ready to set off towards the hideous place. “We can’t be daunted by things that aren’t real.”
“But what if they are real?” she asked.
“They’re not,” I said, my voice steady and firm, an illusion that bore no resemblance to the fears clouding my head. The wind blew harder, and the sky lost all its brightness to gray clouds heavy with rain. “You fell because the stairs are old and unsteady and worn. It was a terrible tragedy, but the location can hold nothing over you. There was no one left behind to weep.”
Not believing my own words, I took her by the hand and we walked. Soon the dovecote loomed before us, its tall stone walls darker than I’d remembered. Our pace slowed as we approached. Madeline gripped my arm until it hurt, but I welcomed the pain. It kept me from picturing the sad face of the lonely child.
“Must we go inside?” Madeline asked. Her features were strained, her eyes wide and vacant, her hands shaking.
“Yes,” I said, trying to muster confidence. “To confirm there’s nothing there but an empty space.” Three short steps and I was at the door. Just as I touched the handle, lightning cracked the sky and the clouds opened, pouring a sudden and apocalyptic rain on us.
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