“You're seventeen years old, you're not a grown-up yet, even if you'd like to be. And you can't go on breaking all the rules, sooner or later you're going to pay a hell of a price for it. There are always rules in life, whether you like them or not. Right now, you may not even get into college.”

“Fuck college.” His words startled Ollie.

“What's that all about?”

“I have more important things to think about.” For a moment, Oliver wondered if he was drunk, but he didn't appear to be, and Ollie suspected he wasn't.

“Like what? That girl? … Sandra Carter? At your age, that's a passing thing, Benjamin. And if it isn't, you're going to have to wait a long time before you can do anything about it. You've got to finish school, go to college, get a job, make a living to support a wife and kids. You've got a long road ahead of you, and you'd better stay on track now or you're going to be in deep shit before you know it.” Benjamin seemed to sag a little as he listened, and then he looked up at his father.

“I'm not moving to New York with you. I won't.”

“You have no choice. You have to. I'm closing the house here, except for weekends. And I won't let you live here alone, it's as simple as that. And if you want to know the truth, we're moving there partly because of you, so you can get your act together before it's too late, and I can spend more time with all of you in the evenings.”

“It's too late for that now. And I'm not going.”

“Why not?” There was an endless silence in the room while Oliver waited. And then, finally, the boy answered.

“I can't leave Sandra.”

“Why not? What if I let you see her on weekends?”

“Her mom's moving to California, and she won't have anywhere to stay.” Oliver almost groaned at the picture he was painting.

“Isn't Sandra going with her?”

“They don't get along. And she hates her dad. She won't go to Philadelphia to live with him either.”

“So what's she going to do?”

“Drop out of school and get a job and stay here, but I don't want to leave her alone.”

“That's noble of you. But she sounds very independent.”

“She isn't. She needs me.” It was the first time he had opened up and talked about her, and Oliver was touched, but also frightened by what he was hearing. She didn't sound like the kind of girl anyone should be involved with. She sounded like trouble. “I can't leave her, Dad.”

“You're going to have to leave her in the fall when you go to college anyway. You might as well deal with it now, before it becomes an even bigger problem.” But Benjamin only smiled at the irony of his words.

“I can't go.” He was adamant and Oliver was suddenly confused.

“To college or New York?” This really was a new one.

“Either one.” Benjamin looked stubborn and almost desperate.

“But why?” There was another long silence, and finally Benjamin looked up at him, and decided to tell him all of it. He had carried it alone for long enough, and if his father wanted to know so badly, then he would tell him.

“Because she's pregnant.”

“Oh my God … oh my God … why the hell didn't you tell me?”

“I don't know … I didn't think you'd want to know … and anyway, it's my problem.” He hung his head, feeling the full burden of it, as he had for months.

“Is that why her mother is leaving her and going to California?”

“In part. But they also don't get along, and her mother has a new boyfriend.”

“And what does she think about her daughter being pregnant?”

“She figures it's Sandra's problem, not hers. She told her to get an abortion.”

“And? … will she?”

Benjamin shook his head, and looked at his father with everything he believed in, in his eyes, his heart on his sleeve, and the values of his father. “I wouldn't let her.”

“For God's sake, Benjamin …” Oliver got up and began to pace the kitchen. “You wouldn't let her? Why not? What on earth is a seventeen-year-old girl going to do with a baby? Or is she willing to give it up for adoption?”

Benjamin shook his head again. “She says she wants to keep it.”

“Benjamn please make sense. You're ruining three lives, not just one. Get the girl to have an abortion.”

“She can't.”

“Why not?”

“She's four months pregnant.”

He sat down again with a thud. “What a mess you've gotten yourself into, no wonder you're cutting classes and flunking out, but I've got news for you, we'll wade through this mess together, but you're moving to New York with me next week, come hell or high water.”

“Dad, I already told you.” Benjamin stood up, looking impatient. “I'm not going to leave her. She's alone and pregnant, and that's my kid she's carrying around.

I care about her, and the baby.” And then suddenly, his eyes filled with tears, he was tired, and drained, and he didn't want to argue anymore, things were tough enough for him without taking on his father too. “Daddy, I love her … please don't interfere in this.” Benjamin didn't tell him he'd offered to marry the girl, but Sandra thought marriage was dumb. She didn't want to end up divorced like her parents.

Oliver went to him and put an arm around him. “You have to be sensible … you have to do the right things … for both of you. And throwing your life away isn't going to help anybody. Where is she living now?” A thousand possibilities were running through Ollie's mind as they spoke, and one of them was paying for her upkeep in a home for unwed mothers.

“At home, but she's moving into an apartment in Port Chester. I've been helping her pay the rent.”

“That's noble of you, but she's going to need a lot more than that very shortly. Do you have any idea how expensive babies are? How much it costs to have one?”

“What do you suggest, Dad?” He sounded suddenly bitter again, “that we get an abortion because it's cheaper? That's my baby inside her. I love it and I love her, and I'm not giving either of them up, do you understand that? And I'm not moving to New York. I'll get my grades up here, without going anywhere. I can always stay with her if I have to.”

“I don't know what to say to you anymore. Are you sure she's four months pregnant?” Benjamin nodded and it depressed Oliver to realize that their little “accident” had coincided with Sarah's departure. They had all gone nuts for a while, but Benjamin's craziness would last a lifetime. “Will she give it up?”

Benjamin shook his head again. “No, we won't, Dad. It's funny, I always thought you were against abortion.” The blow hit hard. He was the man who had fought Sarah each time to save his three children, and yet now he wanted Benjamin's baby to be aborted. But this was so different.

“In most circumstances, I am. But what you're doing is going to destroy your life, and I care more about you than that baby.”

“That baby is a part of me, and a part of you, and Mom … and Sandra … and I'm not going to let anyone kill it.”

“How are you going to support it?”

“I can take a job after school if I have to. And Sandra can work too. She's not doing this to get something out of me, Dad. It just happened and now we're dealing with it the best we can.” And that wasn't great, and even he knew it.

“How long have you known?” It certainly explained his seriousness in recent months, and constant disappearances, and his defiance.

“A while. A couple of months, I guess. She wasn't sure at first, because she's never very regular, and then I made her go to a clinic.”

“That's something, I guess. And now? Is she getting adequate medical care?”

“I take her to the doctor once a month.” It was incredible … his baby … his firstborn … was becoming a father. “That's enough, isn't it?” He looked suddenly worried again.

“For now. Do you think she'd go into a home for unwed mothers? They could take care of her, and eventually help her make arrangements for the baby.”

“What kind of arrangements?” Benjamin sounded instantly suspicious.

“That's up to her … and you … but it would be a decent place to live, with girls in the same situation.”

Benjamin nodded. It was a thought anyway. “I'll ask her.”

“When's the baby due anyway?”

“Late September.”

“You'll be away in school by then.”

“Maybe.” But that was a whole other fight, and both of them were too tired for that. It was after four o'clock in the morning and they were both exhausted.

“Go to bed. We'll talk tomorrow.” He touched Benjamin's shoulder with a look of tenderness and sorrow. “I'm sorry, Son. I'm so sorry this happened to both of you. Well work it out somehow.”

“Thanks, Dad.” But neither of them looked convinced as they went upstairs to bed, with their own thoughts, and their own troubles. And the doors to their bedrooms closed softly behind them.





Chapter 11


They talked long into the night almost every night that week, and got nowhere. One night, Oliver even went to see Sandra, and he was saddened when he saw the girl. She was pretty and not too bright, frightened and alone, and from another world. She clung to Benjamin as if he were the only person who could save her. And one thing she was adamant about, just as Benjamin was, she was going to have their baby.

It filled Oliver with despair, and in the end, he called Sarah.

“Are you aware of what's going on in the life of your oldest son?' It sounded like a soap opera even to him, but something had to be done about it, he couldn't spend the rest of his life with that girl, and their baby.

“He called me last night. I don't think you should interfere.”

“Are you crazy?” He wanted to strangle her with the telephone cord. “Don't you understand what this will do to his life?”