"And what is your anger at your sister about?" Jenny asked, causing Crystal to jerk her head up.
"Mad? At Patty? No way, Doc. Weren't you listening? I hate my mother, not my sister." Releasing her knees, Crystal folded her arms over her chest, using the wall to support her back.
"I didn't say hate," Jenny said. "I said mad. It's obvious you're angry at Patty."
"And why would I be mad at the sister I've been trying to find for over a decade?" Crystal said, standing up and putting some distance between her and the therapist. "You know how many times I thought she must be dead? All this time she's just been a local call away, living with our mother." Standing behind the recliner, Crystal gripped the soft leather cushion. "All this time she's been living the life we should have had. She's got the good job, two beautiful healthy kids and a nice place to live. I'm the one that struggles to get through the day without getting drunk off my ass, the one that used to take her clothes off to earn money." She snorted and gestured at Jenny. "Hell, I'm the one that needs to see a therapist because I'm so fucked up. And me? I go and pick the one therapist that can't talk to me about one of the things I need to talk about the most." She shook her head. "Could I make my life any more complicated?"
"Crystal, you knew going into this that we couldn't talk about Laura," Jenny said, rising from the mat and crossing over to the couch. "But I didn't know how I was going to feel about her," Crystal said. "I didn't know then that we'd" She caught the look of first surprise, then disbelief in Jenny's eyes as the therapist figured it out for herself. "I didn't know that I'd end up loving her," she said quietly, wincing inside at the pained look on the other woman's face.
When Jenny spoke, it was in a tone carefully devoid of any inflection or tone. "So you and Laura are lovers?"
"Yeah," Crystal said, finding she could not maintain eye contact with Laura's ex-lover.
There was a long pause before Jenny spoke. "Our time is almost up," she said despite there being almost fifteen minutes left. "Doc," Crystal began.
"Make sure you keep up your meetings and writing in your journal," Jenny said, rising to her feet. "I'll see you on Friday." "Wait." Crystal reached out and grabbed Jenny's shoulder. "You're upset," she judged correctly.
"If you want to explore a relationship with someone, it's none of my business," Jenny said. "Please Crystal, I have some paperwork to catch up on before my next patient arrives."
"I thought you said bullshit wasn't allowed in this office, Doc," Crystal said, pulling her hand free. "You're right that I need to figure out why I'm mad at Patty. I didn't realize I was until you pointed it out. Maybe that's what I need you most for, to help me see the obvious when I can't." Wrapping her fingers around the door handle, Crystal paused and looked back at Jenny. "So let me tell you what I see right now, Doc. I see someone who still has feelings for Laura. You can hold onto those ethical guidelines all you want but this is something we're going to have to talk about." She opened the door. "See you Friday, right?" She waited for Jenny's nod before leaving the office, emotions swirling as they so often did after an intense session.
Not wanting to go right home, Crystal turned onto the highway and headed south. With the directions etched into her mind, she followed the signs until she ended up on the pothole filled road that led to the mobile home park where Patty lived. To her disappointment, the only car in the driveway was the one she recognized as belonging to her mother. She thought about turning around and leaving but then the screen door flew open and Jessica came running out. Knowing she was spotted, Crystal put the car in park and shut off the engine, steeling herself for the sight of the woman she so despised.
"Aunt Crystal, Aunt Crystal," the nine year old yelled as she bounded down the steps and ran over to the car.
"Hi Sweetie," she said, now wishing she had stopped along the way and picked up some little toys for her niece and nephew. After all, she was their only aunt and there were many birthdays and holidays to make up for. "How was school?"
"Mrs. Trudeau yelled at me."
"Oh yeah?" Crystal picked her niece up and carried her over to the picnic table. "Why?"
"Because I punched Melissa Goldman in the arm during lunch."
"And why did you do that?"
"She hit me first," the child said defensively.
"Did you tell the teacher that?"
Jessica nodded. "Uh huh. She yelled at both of us and we had to stay in during recess." The child's head turned at the sound of the screen door opening. "Gramma, Aunt Crystal is here." The smile that had been on Crystal's face quickly disappeared when her mother appeared in the doorway.
"Jessica, go change into your play clothes if you're going to be outside," Margaret Sheridan said.
"Do I have to?" the girl whined. "I won't get them dirty."
"You know what your mother said about wearing school clothes to play in," the gray haired woman reminded. Jessica made a disappointed face but climbed down and scooted into the house.
Crystal stood as well and walked over to her car, reaching through the open window for the cigarettes sitting on the dash. "I have nothing to say to you," she said, feeling the older woman's eyes upon her. Angrily lighting her cigarette, she shoved the lighter back into her pocket and leaned against the hood of her car, her back to the older woman.
"Crystal"
"I don't want to hear it. You had your chance years ago." She brought the cigarette to her lips, surprised at how her hand trembled. Calm down, she thought to herself, knowing Jessica would be back out any minute.
"I've missed you," Margaret said sadly.
"Yeah?" Crystal snorted. "Funny, I haven't missed you one bit." Tasting the venom in her tongue, she took the opportunity to lash out. "What I miss is something you never were and never will be." She heard the sniffle, then the screen door opening and closing. "Good," she muttered, taking pleasure in the knowledge that her words could hurt the other woman. Now alone, she walked over to the picnic table and resumed her seat.
Jessica came out a few minutes later, now dressed in faded jeans and sneakers that would never again be white. In her hand was a paper, the "A" in red marker clearly visible. "Aunt Crystal, wanna see what I got on my test?"
"I see, very good," she said, carefully schooling the residual anger out of her voice. "What time does your mommy come home?" "Mommy comes home at six," Jessica said as climbed up on the bench. "Are you gonna stay for dinner?"
"I don't think so," Crystal said. "I have to go home soon. Laura will wonder where I am."
"You could call her," Jessica suggested. "Gramma will let you use the phone."
Not a chance, she thought to herself. "Maybe another time," she said. "Where's Thomas?"
"He's at swimming class. Can I come to your house some time?" Jessica gave her aunt her best pleading look but all Crystal saw were shadows of her sister a generation before. The young girl's hair was the same shade of blonde and her button nose was unmistakably a gift from Patty's genes. "Sure," Crystal said, knowing with certainty that she was going to be one of those aunts who spoils their nieces and nephews. "Maybe we can even find a movie to go to."
"Oh!" Jessica said excitedly. "I wanna see Dragons and Wizards."
"Isn't that the one with all the blood and stuff?" Crystal asked, wrinkling her nose at the memory of the previews on television. "Besides, I think that movie is rated R."
"I've seen R rated movies before," Jessica said.
"How about we ask your mother?" Crystal smiled as the look on her niece's face told her exactly what Patty's reaction to such a suggestion would be. "Uh huh, I thought so. You were trying to pull a fast one on your Aunt Crystal, weren't you?" Jessica giggled and squirmed as Crystal reached over and began tickling her. "I knew it, you're just like your mother when she was a kid."
The pair were still chatting away when Patty's car pulled in behind Crystal's hatchback. The passenger door opened and three feet of energy came bounding out. "Aunt Crystal!"
"Hi Thomas," she said, turning on the bench to catch the boy as he jump at her lap. "Did you have fun swimming?"
"Yeah," he said with a smile. "Mr. Sherman even let me jump off the diving board once."
Patty approached them carrying a bright blue roll bag. "Thomas, give Gramma your swimming trunks and towel so she can get them washed for Wednesday," she said.
"Okay Mommy."
Crystal stood up and accepted her sister's hug. "Hi."
"Good to see you again," Patty said. "Come on in and stay for dinner. Did you bring Laura?"
"Laura's home," Crystal said. "I was just out driving and thought I'd stop by for a few minutes. I can't stay."
"Well it's still good to see you," her sister said, pulling back but leaving one arm around Crystal's shoulders. "At least come inside for a few minutes."
"I can't." Crystal took a step toward her car. "You know why."
Patty glanced at the house, then at her daughter. "Jess, go inside and help Gramma with dinner, please."
"Okay Mommy. Can I come back out when I'm done?"
"Is your homework done?" Patty asked.
"Most of it."
"Then you know what you'll be doing after dinner then, don't you?"
Crystal had to smile at the pout on her niece's face. "I'll come back soon to visit," she promised, bending down to hug the child who had come running over.
"Bye Aunt Crystal."
"Bye sweetie."
The sisters remained quiet until the screen door closed, each lighting their own cigarette. Patty spoke first. "I wish you would try to get along with her."
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