"You know you can get your GED if you try hard enough."

"For what?" Crystal lifted her head from the pillow long enough to look at Laura. "Can you see me filing out a job application? Oh where have you worked before? Let's see, I worked at the local strip joint taking my clothes off for money and before that I worked the alley near Smith's. They'd hire me in a minute, right?" Her head flopped back down on the pillow and gave a defeated sigh. "Don't you see, Laura? I can't just start over. I can't escape the past."

"Maybe the goal isn't to escape the past but face it and put it where it belongs." Kicking off her sneakers, Laura put her feet up on thee.g.of the bed. "Face it, accept it, and move on."

"Easy for you to say."

"Yes it is," Laura admitted. "I've never had to go through the things that you have."

Crystal sat up, pressing her back against the headboard, lost in thought. She filled her glass with whiskey and drained it before finally speaking. "Jenny wants me to talk about it. She says it'll help."

"She's the therapist," Laura said. "I'm sure she knows what she's talking about. I know when something is bothering me and I talk about it, it makes me feel better."

"Nothing will make this feel better," Crystal disagreed. "There's this pain deep inside that never goes away." She reached for the whiskey bottle again. "Sometimes it's all I can think about." She took another drink. "How am I supposed to talk about it?"

"You're talking now, just keep going."

"I'm not talking about 'it'. I'm just talking about how it feels."

"That's still better than nothing at all." Sensing Crystal was on the edge, Laura chose her words carefully. "How do you feel right now?" "Other than buzzed and drunk?" Crystal smiled and set the bottle down. "How am I supposed to feel?"

"I don't care how you're supposed to feel. I care about how you do feel."

"I feel like an old rag doll that's been used and tossed aside." Pulling her knees to her chest, Crystal folded her arms and rested her chin on them. For a long time neither spoke, both lost in their own thoughts.

Thinking that perhaps the stone wall had been hit and the conversation was over for the night, Laura wrapped the rubber band around the cards and collected the paper and pen that she had brought into the room with her. She was about to stand up when Crystal began speaking in a halting tone. "I was fourteen," the blonde began, her eyes never looking up from the bedspread. Laura immediately let go of the cards and paper, giving Crystal her full attention. "I knew what he had done to Patty but I never thought he would actually come after me

"

Lying in bed later that night, Laura found herself unable to sleep. The living horror that she had heard relayed from Crystal haunted her mind, refusing to give it any peace. She had expected it to be bad based on what Crystal had alluded to before after hearing the actual details, Laura found it to be much harder to handle. She left the emotionally drained Crystal and returned to her own room, fully expecting to be able to just crawl between the sheets and fall asleep. Now an hour later, the night shadows on the walls kept her wide open eyes company. Reaching in the dark, she found the telephone and pressed in the familiar number.

"Hello?" the groggy voice answered.

"Jen? It's Laura."

"What time is it?"

"I don't know. After midnight, I'm sure."

"What's wrong?"

"I just needed to talk. Crystal and I had a long talk tonight."

"How is she?" Jenny's voice was clearer, the thickness caused by sleep quickly disappearing.

"Pretty good considering all she's been through." Laura sighed and rested her head against the headboard. "I don't know how she managed to survive as long as she did. Has she gotten into detail with you about her father?"

"Laur, you know I can't answer that."

"Yeah, I know but I just can't help thinking about it. What a bastard he was. Even if half of what she says is true, he was a monster that should have been castrated a long time ago."

"We can't talk about Crystal or anything about her life that she tells you, no matter how bad it is but I will say this, I have no doubt if she told you something about her past that it was most likely true. At least as true as memory will allow." Laura heard the sound of Jenny moving about her apartment. "By the way," her ex-lover continued. "It's quarter to one."

"I'm sorry about calling so late but I just can't get to sleep. I just keep seeing her as a teenager unable to protect herself from him." "You can't change the past."

"I wish I could," Laura said earnestly. "If I had been there, I would have"

"You would have been just a few years older than her and in no position to play Wonder Woman," Jenny interrupted. "If her own sister couldn't protect her, what makes you think you could have?"

"But"

"But nothing. You can't change what happened to her. All you can do now is help her pick up the pieces and heal from it."

"How do you get over something like that? I mean I know people are raped and most get past it with time but how can she recover from being attacked night after night?"

"Laura, you're getting close to crossing the line here," Jenny warned. "Hell, we've probably passed it already. If the state board ever got wind of this "

"Forget the board for a minute, Jen. This is Crystal we're talking about."

"No, we're not talking about her, we're talking about you and how you're going to handle being friends with someone who is a survivor." Jenny sighed. "I'm sorry if I sound grouchy but you can't wake me up from a sound sleep and expect me to be in the best frame of mind here, especially when you keep wanting to push the envelope. Don't you understand if she ever found out we talked about this that it could ruin her trust in me?"

"So what am I supposed to do?" Laura asked, running fingers through her hair. "All right, look at this way. I have a friend who's been raped. What can I do to help her get past it and move on with her life?"

"The best thing you can do is just be there to listen. Don't treat your friend any differently than you do today. If she wants to talk let her but don't try to force conversations about it."

"And if she wants to destroy herself with drugs and alcohol?" Laura heard yet another sigh through the phone. "Come on, Jen. How am I supposed to keep her from going off the deep end with the booze and pot?"

"You can't. You just have to make sure you don't get so deeply involved that you become an enabler and make the problem worse. Maybe an AlAnon meeting or two would be good for you."

"I need Al-Anon?"

"And why does that thought bother you so much?" Jenny asked. "If someone else's drinking is a problem for you, then you need Al-Anon." "I don't need Al-Anon," Laura said adamantly. "I just wanted to know how to help Crystal."

"It's time to say goodnight, Laura," Jenny said. "Your stubborn streak is coming out and I'm too tired to fight with you about it. Remember tomorrow that she's the same person she was yesterday and the day before. If she doesn't do what you want when you want it and it bothers you, that's your problem, not hers. Be her friend, that's what she needs, not a superhero to fly in and rescue her. It's too late for that."

"Sometimes I wonder which of us is more stubborn," Laura sighed. "All right, all right. I'll try to keep what you said in mind but I still think there's something more I can do than just sit here and be a sounding board."

"Try being her friend."

"Hey, why did you call before? We were home but we were talking and I didn't think it was a goodi.e.to get up and answer the phone." There was a pause before Jenny answered. "I was concerned and just wanted to see if Crystal made it home okay."

"Uh huh. Doing a good job keeping friend and therapist separate, aren't you?"

"Hey, a good therapist can call the home of her patient if she's concerned."

"When was the last time you called a patient's home for anything other than to reschedule an appointment?"

"My secretary takes care of the appointments and I'm going to take the fifth on the rest of that question. Get some sleep. Goodnight Laura." "Night Jen. Thanks for listening."

Hanging up the phone, Laura found talking with Jenny did little to slow down her racing mind. That doesn't help. There has to be a way to get her past this, there just has to. But how? Knowing that sleep was a lost cause, Laura sat up and slipped her feet into her slippers. I have to get that frying pan cleaned or those onions will be stuck there permanently. Stepping out of her room, Laura was torn between going downstairs and cleaning or checking on Crystal. That's silly. She's sound asleep and safe. Besides, I don't want to scare her or anything. As if it had a mind of its own, Laura's hand reached out and closed around the doorknob. I won't go in, I'll just open the door a little and see if she's sleeping okay. She could be having a nightmare or something.

The light in the hall provided little illumination in Crystal's room but the night light plugged into the wall did give enough for Laura to see that her roommate was indeed sound asleep, a light snore coming from her lips. Good. Satisfied that everything was all right, Laura made her way downstairs to spend the rest of the night cleaning.

Chapter Ninth

With the radio playing low, Laura quietly moved about the first floor, giving it a good cleaning right down to moving the table and chairs out of the way to mop and dusting all the woodwork. By the time the morning sun broke over the horizon, the kitchen and living room were spotless and once again up to Laura's standards. Hearing Crystal's alarm going off upstairs, Laura put the frying pan on the stove and retrieved a coffee mug from the cupboard. Reasoning that the previous day had been hard on her roommate, Laura was determined to at least get Crystal's day off to a good start. When the blonde came downstairs several minutes later, her hair still damp from the shower, she was greeted with a plate of scrambled eggs, toast and a steaming cup of coffee. "I thought you could use a good breakfast before your busy day," Laura said as she set the mug down on the table.