Jim and Liz might have appeared to be past their prime, but they sure knew how to party. It always surprised me how little they acted like parents, and how much they still seemed like college kids. Randy always said having cool parents was both a blessing and a curse. Their lack of discipline during Randy’s formative years was one of the contributing factors in him joining the army. He craved the structure his parents neglected to provide.

After saying goodnight to the last of our friends, and walking them out to their cars, Walker, Mitch and I plopped on the couch, still chuckling, with whiskey and beer soaking our blood. Resting my head onto Walker’s shoulder, I exhaled in the relief of a successful party.

“Why don’t we do this more often?” Liz was still dancing, sitting on the loveseat with one hand on Jim’s leg and the other waving in the air, her head bobbing along to the music playing in the background. “I just love to dance so much!” She hiccupped her last words, making all of us erupt into a rolling laugh. It felt so great to be free again, but a twinge of guilt hit my heart because Randy wasn’t there to share in it.

My mind fell back to the first time I met Jim and Liz. It was a hot day, a few weeks after Randy and I had met. He told me he couldn’t think of dating someone his mother hadn’t approved of, and invited me over to dinner. The entire drive to their house, I was so nervous to meet them. With sweaty palms and shaky knees, I sat in their living room and realized I had come home. Thinking back on it, I couldn’t help but laugh at myself for ever being nervous while they were so laid back. I was pretty sure they would have loved anyone Randy brought home; I was just the lucky one it happened to be.

Jim took his half-empty beer bottle, raising it in the air. “Son, I can only imagine you had a hand in all this. Thanks for a great birthday, man!”

Walker looked at me, and I was sure he could see the pain building in my face. “Well, it’s getting late. Want me to walk you home, Mags?” His accent was thick with his drunkenness that I could see in his half open eyes and glossed over expression look.

I nodded, holding in the flood of tears begging to escape from my drunken eyes.

“I’ll be right back Mitch.” Making stern eye contact with him, Walker nudged Mitch on the shoulder. “You’re crashing here, by the way.”

Mitch agreed easily, mumbling he knew he was too intoxicated to drive and would make the McManus' couch his bed for the night.

Mitch had learned long ago, when Walker was assigned as his “big brother”, not to test him. It was always better to obey than try to fight him. One night, their two stubborn heads clashed over drinking and driving. It was after a long night of boozing at the fraternity house. Walker refused to give Mitch his own keys back. Mitch was so drunk, he took a swing at his big brother. The fight ended with Walker’s right hand broken with a boxer’s fracture and Mitch getting ten stitches over his right eye. Needless to say, Mitch has never second guessed Walker’s opinion on the subject again, or how strongly he was willing to defend that opinion.

Walker extended his hand to me, helping me off the couch. I hugged both Liz and Jim, thanking them for a great night, breathing in their comforting love one last time.

Once the goodbyes were said, Walker hooked my arm around his elbow to stabilize me for the short trek. I could feel the booze sloshing around in my stomach as we half stumbled down the front steps. Having a strong and sturdy escort was a smart move; I was clumsily unstable in my heels. I staggered a few times, making Walker’s arm flex to stop me from face-planting onto the pavement. We giggled at my drunken, ridiculous state. In a half yawn I could barely understand, Walker stated it had been a great party.

            “Yeah, it really was. It’s great to be out of my mopey darkness for a while and to have our drinking crew back together. It feels like college was a million years ago!”

“It was for me.” Walker chuckled, making me feel like a baby even though he was barely two years my senior.

“Oh right, I forgot you and Jim graduated together.” I jolted him with my elbow at my joke and playfully scowled at my remark. I rested my head on Walker’s arm for the next couple of steps, comforted by his presence.

            We got to my door, and hugged good night. My head fit perfectly on his chest as he bent down a bit to rest his forehead on the top of my head. “I never realized how much shorter you are than me.”

I let out a sharp huff, “Yeah, I’m fun-sized.” As soon as the words slurred off my tongue, my entire body burned with embarrassment.

Walker’s just laughed at my remark. “Do you want me to help you inside, Tiny?” Walker’s arm was still wrapped around my waist, stabilizing me as I fumbled with the key in the door.

            “No, I think I got it from here. Thank you, Mr. Jolly Green Giant.” I finally felt the lock pop open and smiled as the cool air-conditioning rushed out the door onto my hot cheeks. “I know I’ve had plenty to drink, but I’ll make it up the stairs just fine.” I stared into Walker’s beautiful eyes and took a moment to relish how warm and inviting they were. A shiver rushed up my spine, but I ignored it, chalking it up to the Jack Daniels.

            Walker gave me a peck on the cheek, letting it linger longer than usual, “Sleep well, Half Pint.” He slurred, “Tonight was fun. I missed seeing you like that.” His voice turned huskier as the words trailed, letting a glint of lust flicker between us.

Breathlessly, I watched his lips and eyes for a moment, shaking off the desire to fill the void of loneliness only when Walker turned to head back down the block. I stayed on my front porch for a few seconds, watching him walk down the dew-dampened street, wishing he would turn back around and hold me all night. He did the right thing and kept walking.

            When Walker came home from his deployment, soon after Randy’s death, the McManus’ took him in. Liz always said it was for Walker’s own good to get back on his feet there, but I always thought she did it more for selfish reasons. Walker was so much like Randy that Jim and Liz seemed to feel like it was the closest thing they could get to have their son home. Whatever the reason, I was thankful to have all three of them were so close. I knew sometimes my friendship with Walker crossed some sort of line, and Walker tried his best to balance our friendship while respecting the parents of my dead husband.

            Turning the lock to my oak front door, loneliness settled in, cuddling up with the whiskey coursing through my brain, and they were not mixing well. I barely made it to my bathroom before my entire stomach emptied. For an hour, I dry-heaved on my bathroom floor, wishing I could have had one of my famous blackouts. Instead, I remembered every minute of the sickness and my terrible, lustful longings for a man I should never want.

3

            Off in the distance of reality, I heard an awfully annoying buzzing noise, forcing me farther and farther from my dreamless sleep. The sound got louder in my ear until I registered that I was lying on the cold tile of my bathroom floor with my phone vibrating at me to wake up. I groggily propped myself up on one elbow, pressing the answer button just in the nick of time. “Hey Walker, what’s going on?” My voice croaked from my whiskey burnt throat, making me cough a little. My cottonmouth was unbearable and I had to force my tongue free from the roof of my mouth.

            “I just wanted to make sure you’re up for work since it’s eight and the truck is still in the driveway.” It took a moment for the words to float from his deep, velvety voice into my brain and when they sank in, I gasped.

            Hastily, I jumped to my feet, my head angry with my exertion, “Oh no! Thank you! I overslept! Man, I owe you one.”

Before I could hear his reply, I hung up the phone and flew up the stairs, racing to get to work on time. I worked an hour away at Florida Hospital South, in the human resources department, and had to be there by nine. Usually, I left by seven-thirty just in case there was traffic. Tardiness was not in my vocabulary, and the sheer thought of it sent me into a near panic attack.

My job, for the most part, was decent. I considered myself to be a paper pusher. Originally, I thought human resources would be an interesting job where I would get to help people. Now, I just considered it an easy way to pass time and pay the bills. I was bored throughout most of my day, doing tedious tasks, but everyone was cordial and mostly left me alone, which was perfect.

To calm myself from the traffic that I was cursing out loud at, I dialed Cali. She and I commuted at the same time every morning, working pretty much down the street from each other, and we sometimes caught up on gossip for the hour’s drive. I just had to be hopeful she would be available. She had been on a business trip for the last two weeks. Thankfully, after one short ring, Cali’s sugary, spunky voice came over the line. “Hey, Mags. How’s traffic for you this morning?”

I sighed and told her about my late night, and how lucky I was Walker woke me up.

“Well, I’m glad you had a good time. I’m fixing to head to the airport in an hour or so. Kyle had a late night last night so he’ll be off tonight when I get in. You’re off the hook.” I was thankful Cali’s husband was going to pick her up from the airport because I’d practically forgotten offering to play chauffeur.

“That’s great, I’m glad you’re finally coming home. I’ve missed you, Cal!” It would bring a little bit of relief to have her back in town. “I’m jealous you don’t have to work today. I’m hung-over as all hell!”