Kristen Mazzola - Crashing Back Down

I lunged forward and jumped on Walker, hitting, screaming, and scratching. He wouldn’t hit me back, even though I was screaming at him to; calling him a pussy, a coward, a filthy murderer. He just blocked my fists from his face, trying to grab me, trying to restrain me but I was too quick for his tired body. He started to beg me to stop, to let him explain; pleading, pathetic. We wrestled on the floor for what felt like hours. I could feel his strong arms wrapping around me as I continued to scratch and squirm. When any part of his body got close enough, I bit down as hard as I could, breaking open his skin. His hand came close to my face and I grabbed it in between my teeth; he smacked me so hard with his free hand that I became dizzy. I could feel the hot liquid flowing between my injuries and his.

I could feel my chest start heaving; it was hard so to breathe. My lungs were gasping for air. Walker scrambled off me and started to beg for me to takes lower breaths, to calm down. I became light-headed as he scooped me up into his arms from the floor, my eyes barely able to stay focused. My eyelids got heavier; I could feel my lungs aching for air even more and my throat started gasping. I could hear Walker’s voice trembling as he carried me through the house. “Mags, please stay with me, you’re having a panic attack. Please, Mags.” Tears rolled down his cheeks and landed on my face as he sobbed, rushing out the front door. “I’m so sorry, babe, I love you.  You’re my true north. Please …”

Dying was never a fear of mine, at least not after Randy did. If I died, then at least I would be with him again and I assumed that was my fate now. I could feel Walker picking up my body and carrying me, but I couldn’t fight, scream or resist.

Right as my body started to get completely limp and my mind started to go black, I heard Walker pleading and crying more. “Mags, please stay with me. I love you. I can’t lose you too. Mags. Please.”

I heard a loud bang and I assumed it was my neck breaking under Walker’s force, but there was no pain. In that instant, the pressure I had felt from Walker holding me vanished. My mind was slipping in and out. Finally, my nightmare was over and everything went black.

The sound of the ocean waves rushing to shore, and sea birds squawking sang me awake. I could feel hot rays of a glorious sun glistening down on my face. I slowly opened my eyes to see one of the most beautiful white sandy beaches. I was lying on a lounge chair in my favorite pink bikini with a cold bottle of beer in my hand. The salt air filled my lungs and I felt completely at peace. My golden, sun kissed kin was soaking in the warmth. It felt like I hadn’t had a good dose of vitamin-D in decades.

I closed my eyes again, taking in the moment. It seemed like I was alone in this paradise. The beach was just here for me, and I couldn’t help but be glad for the silence. I startled a little when I heard someone walking towards me. I rolled over onto my side to see Randy walking closer to me, shirtless.

He took a seat at the foot of my lounge, with one hand on my leg. Sitting up, I hugged him as tightly as I could. He looked down at me, smiling beautifully and pressing his soft, warm lips to mine. We stayed embraced for what felt like a lifetime, but even that was not long enough. Randy brought my head down to his shoulder, running his fingers through my sea dampened curls.

“There is nothing more perfect than this moment,” I whispered against his skin, as I kissed his chest. The smell of sweat and salt water was dulcet on his smooth tanned skin. A smell I would never be able to forget, it was so beautiful to me.

Randy’s fingers slowly traced the bird on my hip, sending chills down my spine. Staring, he leaned closer to my ear, breathing softly, “Sooty terns are my favorite. So brave, spending almost all their lives out to sea. I’m almost jealous of them.” He laughed a little, still staring at the flying seabird on my skin. Just to hear his laugh again was breathtaking.

“I’ll always love you. Promise, Promise.” His voice sounded so distant, even though he was sitting right next to me. As I looked up into the face of the man I promised to love until death do us part, I could see all the love in his heart pouring out through his eyes.

I wrapped my arms around his neck. “I love you too. Promise, promise,” I responded, pulling him in for one more kiss.

We lay back on the lounge chair and Randy pulled me close to him, his fingers curling in my damp hair. I traced my fingers over the muscles on his stomach and chest, staring out at the beautiful ocean. Slowly, sleep washed over me like a calm, warm wave.

I could hear a distant beeping sound, growing louder as I tried to stay in my perfect moment, fighting to stay asleep. My efforts were futile. I opened my eyes to the sting of a bright white light hovering overhead. I could hear Cali and my mother talking in hushed, nervous voices somewhere in the room. I tried to find them, but the light was blinding me. I choked out a cough. “Mom? Cal?”

I felt cold, damp hands rest on my arm as my mother called to Cali, “She’s awake!” Her voice grew softer, kind and reassuring. “Honey, you’re going to be just fine. You’re safe now.”

Rushed footsteps came crashing down the hall and into my hospital room. A man’s voice was over me, but the light made it impossible for me to make out his features. “Margret, I am Doctor Tuttle. You suffered a major panic attack and your body went into shock. You passed out from the stress, but you’re going to be just fine.  We’re going to monitor your heartbeat and make sure it stays at a safe level tonight.  You’ll be able to go home tomorrow.” The doctor’s voice was cheerful as he reassured me that I was never in danger of dying and that I would feel fine soon. He made a phone call to someone requesting my medication and dinner be brought to my room.

Hot tears started running down my cheeks as I started to remember what had brought me here. Cali came over to the side of my bed, grabbed my hand, squeezing tightly. “Walker brought you here, Mags. He called me and your mom to come be with you and then ran away. None of us have been able to get a hold of him. He’s gone.”

The Ens

To my wonderful parents: Natalie Ann and Douglas Mazzola opened their home and hearts to a baby, unexpectedly and without thinking twice about it. I am so blessed and thankful to have them as my parents and to be brought such a loving extended family, it just is more proof that everything happens for a reason! I am continually reminded how many people truly love me unconditionally and unselfishly and I am so very thankful to know that kind of love in my life. I love you Mom and Dad for being the wonderful parents you didn't have to be!

To my awesome random roomie: You have always been right there in my corner and have loved me no matter how crazy I have gotten at times.  Thank you for going through this entire journey with me, the late night character development calls, the rewrite of the entire ending and helping me get Crashing Back Down to be the story it is today.

To my Twin: You are amazing! Thank you for being my real life Cali and helping that character really take shape! And yes, your car does smell like cupcakes!

To my heterosexual life partner: Most people will think that I am insane for putting that title in the back of my book, but who cares! You have always been my best friend, since our first sleep over as infants! I do not know what I would do without your unwavering support in my life.

To my Beta readers: Grace, Jessica, Alyssa, and Kim! Ladies, thank you so much for helping me build the confidence in this book that I really needed to see it through.  Your advice and encouragement was key in this process and I could not have done this without you!

To my own true north: Michael James Burke! You are my everything and I love you with all my heart.  Thank you for supporting my late night writing sessions, my constant ramblings about characters and plot problems, and for my lack of a social life for almost the last year.  Your support and dedication to this project has turned it into something so much more than I could have ever dreamed! Thank you, Baby, for helping me see my dreams come true!

And to my mentors in the Indie Author world, K. Pinson (Author of In Spades) and Brittainy C. Cherry (Author of The Space In Between): Ladies, Ladies, Ladies! You two have been instrumental in my confidence during this entire process. Without the two of you answering my stupid, newbie-author questions, I probably would have given up! Thank you for reading a rough, un-edited copy of Crashing Back Down and convincing me that it was worth putting out there! You two are amazing!

Thank you for buying my debut novel. In doing so you have helped fulfill a very important goal of mine.  From every purchase of Crashing Back Down, I donate to the Marcie Mazzola Foundation. The mission of the foundation is to "help better the lives of abused and at-risk children; and to build community awareness regarding the needs of children".

The Marcie Mazzola Foundation was established in 2003 by my family. On July 6, 2002 Marcie died tragically in an automobile accident. Although she was only 21 at the time of her death, Marcie had experienced many things and touched many lives. She was a beautiful young woman whose inner beauty surpassed even her physical beauty because of her compassionate nature and treatment of others.