K. Bromberg - Crashed

I feel like I’m in a parade as Colton pushes my wheelchair toward the hospital’s exit. I don’t need the wheelchair but my nurse says it’s hospital policy. My mom is chatting quietly with Haddie and my dad is listening with a half smile on his face because even he isn’t immune to Haddie’s charm. Becks is pulling the Range Rover up front for Colton while Sammy stands at the entrance to the hospital, wary of any press who luckily have not caught wind of the story. Yet.

Colton is quiet as he pushes me, but then again he has been for the better part of the last two days. If it were anyone else I’d chalk his withdrawal up to the unexpected meeting with my parents. I mean, meeting your significant other’s parents is a huge step in any relationship, let alone someone like Colton who has a nonexistent history with this kind of thing. Add to that meeting your girlfriend’s parents after she miscarried a baby she never knew existed.

But not Colton—no—it’s something different. And as much as I love my parents for rushing up here, Haddie and her nonstop humor, Becks with his unexpected wit, and every other person who has stopped by to wish me well, all I want is to be alone with Colton. When it’s just the two of us he won’t be able to hide from me and ignore whatever is on his mind. The silence is slowly smothering us, and I need us to be able to breathe. I need us to be able to yell and scream and cry and be angry—get it all out—without the eyes of our families watching to make sure we don’t crack.

Because we need to crack. We need to break. Only then can we pick up each other’s pieces and make each other whole again.

I glance behind me and steal a quick glance at Colton and his sedate expression. I can’t help but wonder what if Zander’s dad hadn’t happened? What if I was still pregnant? Where would we be then?

Don’t focus on that, I tell myself, even though it’s all I can think of—me being pregnant. It feels like such a real possibility, tangible even, that it’s constantly flickering through my mind. Colton stops the wheelchair as we exit the doors of the hospital and walks around the front of me. His eyes meet mine, a softness to the intensity that I’ve noticed there over the past few days. A smile creeps over his lips. Could I ever walk away from this man because I want a child and he doesn’t? Would I be willing to leave the one man I know I can’t live without for the one thing I once thought I’d do anything to have?

No. The answer is that simple. This man—damaged, beautiful, work-in-progress man—is just too much of everything I need to ever walk away from.

Colton leans in, pressing a soft kiss to my lips as guilt flickers through me for even thinking such thoughts. “You doing okay?”

I reach up and place my hand softly on the side of his cheek and smile with a subtle nod of my head. “Yeah, you?”

The grin lights up his face because he knows I’m referring to the looks we’ve both seen my dad giving him as he figures out if this man is good enough for his little girl. “Nothing I can’t handle,” he says with a wink and a shake of his head as he stands up, eyes still locked on mine, smile still warming my heart. “Do you doubt my abilities?”

“No, that’s one thing I most definitely do not.” I laugh and stop when he tilts his head to the side and stares at me. “What?”

“It’s just good to see you smile,” he says softly before his eyes cloud and he averts his attention to something over my shoulder. When he looks back his eyes are clear and his expression is gentler. “You ready to blow this joint?”

Colton holds one elbow and my mom the other, as I stand, both remaining there to make sure I’m stable, which is unnecessary. “I’m fine, really,” I tell them.

My mom wraps her arms around me and holds me against her a little longer than normal. “If you want us to we can stay in town an extra day. Make sure you’re nice and comfy before we head back home.”

“She’s not going home.” I swear, everyone’s heads whip over to look at Colton, including mine. Despite all eyes on him, his are only on me. “You’re staying with me. No questions.”

And with that decree, Colton walks around a smirking Beckett, a satisfied Haddie, and my stunned parents. He closes the back of the Rover and walks over to my parents. “You’re more than welcome to come and stay at my place. I have plenty of room.” He raises his eyebrows at them, welcoming any argument that might come.

“No. That’s fine,” my dad says, reaching out to take the hand Colton has extended. “I’m trusting that you’ll take good care of her.”

And it’s as simple as that. The unspoken bond from father to the man his daughter loves passes between the two of them. Man to man. Protector to protector. Colton holds my father’s hand firm and nods his head in acceptance of the trust just bestowed to him. Colton is now responsible—in man-speak—for me. They hold each other’s eyes and hands a moment longer. Emotions lodge in my throat as I slide my eyes over to my mom who is watching the exchange, a tear in her eye as well.

We both watch them for a moment before my mom helps me get in the car. She straps the belt across my lap and then looks at me, holding my cheeks in both of her hands. “You told me once that you weren’t sure what was between you and Colton.” She moves an errant curl from my ponytail off of my face. “The man is head over heels in love with you, honey.” She smiles softly and nods her head when I automatically start to speak and downplay it. “I’m your mom, it’s obvious to me, Ry. Men never see it, accept it, want it, until they trip and fall face first into it. You’re lucky to get the chance twice in your life, to have a man willing to trip on purpose, to take that bottomless step. Even when he messes this up—” She holds her hand up when I start to defend him and just rolls her eyes before continuing. “Let’s face it, he’s a man, he’s going to mess this up … have some patience because he loves you just as much as you love him. The words he can’t speak are written all over that handsome face of his.”

I just nod, my bottom lip worrying between my teeth to prevent the endless stream of tears from starting again. “I know.” My voice is so quiet, happiness and sadness overwhelm me.

She reaches down and squeezes my hands where they’re clasped in my lap. “If a baby’s meant to be, Ry, it will happen. I know it doesn’t make you feel better to hear me say it, but in the middle of the night when you’re sad, you’ll be able to hear my voice telling you. Remember, life isn’t about how you survive the storm, but rather how you dance in the rain.” She leans in and presses a kiss to my cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Mom,” I reach out and wrap my arms around her, her words of wisdom dancing in my head. “Thank you.”

Goodbyes are said quickly with everyone else since the car is in the loading zone. Beckett is last to say goodbye. He reaches into the car and gives me a quick hug while Colton talks to Sammy about something outside of the car. He starts to close the car door and then stops a moment and looks at me with a shake of his head. “That lifeline thing goes both ways, you know? Use it. Use him. He won’t break if you do … but you just might if you don’t.”

“Thanks, Becks. You’re a really good friend to him.”

“Asshole’s more like it!” Colton says, sliding into the seat beside me. “He’d be an even better friend if he got his hand off of my girl and let me take her the fuck home.”

“Speaking of our mild-mannered friend,” Becks says with a laugh, squeezing my hand. “I love you too, Wood!”

“Ditto, dude!” Colton laughs as he pushes the button on the dash and the engine roars to life.

“Keep him in line,” Becks says with a wink to me and a shake of his head before he shuts the door.

We pull out of the parking lot, both of us falling into a comfortable silence as we drive. I’m anxious to get home, sleep in my own bed with Colton’s reassuring warmth against me. I close my eyes and lean my head back, my mind racing over every chaotic event that’s happened in the last few weeks. I sigh into the silence and Colton switches the radio on before reaching over to hold my hand.

Sarah Bareillis’ voice floats through the air, and I can’t help but hum softly and smile at the poignancy of the lyrics. I know Colton hears the words too because he squeezes my hand, and when I open my eyes to look over at him, I’m startled by the sight in front of me.

“Colton, what…?”

“I know you’re still sore, but I wanted to bring you somewhere that made you happy.”

“You make me happy,” I say, locking eyes with him to reinforce my words before looking out at the stretch of beach beyond us.

“I’m prepared this time around.” He smiles shyly at me. “I have blankets, jackets, and some food if you’d like to go sit a while in the sun with me.”

Tears well in my eyes again and I start laughing. “Yes. I’m sorry,” I say in reference to the tears I’m wiping away. “I’m an emotional mess. Pregnancy hormones and …” My voice fades, realizing I’ve touched on the taboo topic we’ve yet to discuss. The uncomfortable silence settles between us. Colton grips the steering wheel tight and blows out a loud breath before climbing out of the car without another word.

He opens the back door, and collects some things, and then helps me out of the Rover. “Easy,” he says as I slide gingerly off of the seat.

“I’m okay.”

We link hands and walk a ways down the beach in silence. There are people here today, unlike the last time we were here months ago—our first official date. The fact that he thought to bring me to a place I find solace in makes my heart happy.