Джорджетт Хейер - Cotillion

“No, I am not!” replied Biddenden crossly. “It’s Hugh!”

“You don’t say so?” said Freddy, bringing his glass to bear on Hugh’s handsome countenance. “Hugh full of frisk? Well, I wouldn’t have thought it of you, Hugh!”

“Do not pretend to be more of a fool than God made you, Freddy!” said Hugh coldly. “You know very well that George did not wish to signify that I was inebriated—if, as I apprehend, that is the meaning of the cant you choose to employ.”

“Something thrown you into gloom?” asked Freddy solicitously. “A trifle out of sorts? Daresay you ate something at dinner that’s making you feel queasy. Devilish bad cook, my uncle’s: never eat a meal here if I can avoid it.”

“Thank you, I was never better in my life,” said Hugh. “May we know what has brought you to Arnside?”

Lord Biddenden stirred impatiently. “Oh, play off no airs for our benefit!” he begged. “It is as plain as a pikestaff why he is here!”

“I hesitate to contradict you, George, but I am far more inclined to suppose that Freddy does not know for what purpose he was invited here.”

Mr. Standen, who had turned to observe himself in the spotted mirror over the fireplace, discovered that his neckcloth needed an infinitesimal adjustment. Until this delicate operation had been performed, it was plainly useless to address questions to him. Hugh tapped his foot against the floor, his lip curling disdainfully; and Biddenden, who had himself a great inclination towards dandyism, watched with reluctant appreciation the deft straightening of a cravat which had roused his admiration at the outset. He held the poorest opinion of his cousin Freddy’s mental ability, but he always took covert note of any new fashion Freddy adopted, and very often copied it; and he would not for an instant have denied that Freddy’s rulings on such matters were worthy of respect. “Schultz make that coat?” he asked.

“Weston, George: never let another snyder cut my coats! Mind, if I wanted sporting toggery—”

“You have not yet answered my question!” interrupted Hugh. “What has brought you here?”

“Hired chaise,” said Freddy. “Thought of driving myself down, but too far for the tits. Bad weather, too.”

“I shall not gratify you by explaining my meaning,” said Hugh contemptuously. “You know quite well what it is.”

“I came in my own carriage,” offered Lord Dolphinton. “We changed horses twice, and I had a hot brick to keep my feet warm, and a shawl round my shoulders. I shall have another hot brick put in the carriage when I go back. I shall tell Stobhill to attend to it. My mother said that was what I should do, and I shall do it. Stobhill will know how to set about it.”

“I imagine the task need not strain his powers unduly!” said Biddenden snappishly.

“Some people,” said Dolphinton, “don’t heat the bricks right through.” He thought for a moment, and added: “Some people heat ’em too much.”

“Fact of the matter is, old fellow,” said Freddy, entering into the spirit of this, “it’s a dashed difficult thing to do. You leave it to Stobhill!”

“Well, that’s what I shall do,” said Dolphinton, much gratified. “I’m glad you’ve come, Freddy. Sensible fellow. You going to offer for Kitty?”

“That’s it,” replied Freddy.

“You know what?” said Dolphinton. “I hope she takes you. Wouldn’t take Hugh. Wouldn’t take me. George didn’t offer. Couldn’t, because he’s married. Can’t think why he came. Wasn’t invited, you know.”

Hugh said, with a certain deepening of his mellifluous voice: “We are to believe that, Freddy? You have indeed come for that purpose? I own, I had not thought it of you!”

“Well, if it comes to that,” said Freddy, “I hadn’t thought it of you! Never took you for a downy one. Daresay I was misled by those bands of yours: very likely thing to happen!”

“My motive in offering the protection of my name to our unfortunate young cousin is not, I assure you, a mercenary one.”

“Not our cousin,” objected Lord Dolphinton. “George said she wasn’t. Said my uncle told us so. I didn’t follow it all myself, but that’s what George said.”

No one paid any heed to this remark. Biddenden said with some asperity: “This is a new come-out for you, Freddy! Pray, since when have you been hanging out for a rich wife?”

“Took a sudden notion to get married,” explained Freddy, extemporizing cunningly. “Must have an heir!”

“As your father is in the prime of life,” said Biddenden, with heavy sarcasm, “and has two other sons beside yourself—”

“Too young to be married,” Freddy pointed out. “Well, look at it! Charlie’s up at Oxford, and Edmund ain’t even at Eton yet!”

“I can tell you now that you have wasted your time! If the girl means to marry any other than Jack, you may call me a zany!”

“Now, that’s where you’re wrong!” said Freddy, speaking with authority. “It ain’t Jack: doesn’t seem to like him above half.”

Biddenden gave a snort. “She’s piqued, I don’t doubt. That she doesn’t hanker after him you will find it hard to make me believe! As for her entertaining for an instant the thought of marrying you—! Upon my soul, I have not been so much diverted since I came to this damned, cold house!”

“Lay you a monkey she takes me!” offered Freddy.

“You must be out of your senses! If you imagine she will accept you for the sake of a title, you much mistake the matter! She has refused Dolphinton already, and he, as he will be only too ready to inform you, is an Earl!”

He had no sooner uttered these words than he regretted them. Lord Dolphinton, who had shown signs of relapsing into the state of suspended animation natural to him, responded as to a clarion-call. “Only Earl in the family,” he said. “Thought she’d like it. Good thing to be a Countess. Don’t see it myself, but that’s what my mother says. Must know, because she’s a Countess. Seems to like it pretty well. No good Freddy’s offering. Only be a Viscount. That’s better than a Baron, but George don’t count in any case. Can’t think why he came.”

“If you say once more that I was not invited,” exploded the much-tried Biddenden, “I will not be answerable for the consequences!”

“Well, what did you want to start him off for?” said Freddy reasonably. “You might have known he’d catch his own name! That’s all right and tight, Dolph: don’t pay any heed to George! He’s a gudgeon.”

“If we are to talk of gudgeons,” countered Biddenden, “there is a bigger one in this room even than Dolphinton!”

“Well, why don’t you sport a little blunt on the chance?” suggested Freddy. “I’ll lay you handsome odds!”

“The style of this conversation is quite improper,” interposed the Rector. “Unless you are in the expectation of being received by my great-uncle tonight, Freddy, I suggest that we should all of us retire to bed. I will add that while I cannot but deprecate the freedom George uses in discussing such a matter I believe that whatever may be our cousin’s sentiments upon the occasion, my uncle is much chagrined at Jack’s absence from Arnside, and is very likely to wait upon the chance of his making a belated appearance tomorrow.”

“No use doing that,” replied Freddy. “He don’t mean to come.”

“You are no doubt in his confidence!”

“No, I ain’t in his confidence, but I’ve seen the nice bit of game he’s been throwing out lures to this month and more,” said Freddy frankly.

Hugh looked disgusted, and Biddenden curious. Before either of them could speak, however, the door opened, and to the surprise of everyone except Freddy, Miss Charing tripped into the room.

She was still attired in the rather drab gown she had worn earlier in the evening, but she had dignified the occasion by tieing up her locks with a red ribbon. All trace of chagrin had departed from her face, and it was with a beaming smile that she greeted Mr. Standen. “Freddy, how glad I am to see you!” she exclaimed, holding out her hand to him. “I had quite given you up!”

Mr. Standen bowed in his inimitable style over her hand, saying: “Beg a thousand pardons! Been out of town! Came as soon as I had read my uncle’s letter.”

Miss Charing appeared to be much affected. “You came at once! So late, and—and with the snow falling! Oh, Freddy!”

“That’s it,” agreed Freddy. “No sense in letting these fellows steal a march on me. Came to beg you to do me the honour of accepting my hand.”

The hand was once more extended to him; Miss Charing said, with a sigh, and modestly downcast eyes: “Oh, Freddy, I do not know how to answer you!”

Mr. Standen, unprepared for this improvisation, was put out. “Dash it, Kit!” he began.

“For I had come to believe that I had mistaken your sentiments!” said Kitty hastily. “Now I see that it is not so! You, I am persuaded, would not wish to marry me for the sake of Uncle Matthew’s fortune!”

“Thing is,” said Freddy, recognizing his cue, “never thought my uncle would permit it. Thought it was useless to approach him. As soon as I read his letter—bespoke a chaise and came at once! Trust you’ll allow me to speak to him in the morning.”

“Oh, yes, Freddy! It will make me very happy!” said Kitty soulfully.

Under the bemused stare from three pairs of eyes, Mr. Standen, with rare grace, kissed Miss Charing’s hand, and said that he was very much obliged to her.

The approval and the felicitations which a young lady might have expected to have greeted the news of her betrothal to a man of rank and fortune were denied to Miss Charing. Only Lord Dolphinton was pleased; and as it soon became apparent that his pleasure had its root in the realization that not the most exacting parent could expect him to marry a lady already betrothed to another man, his congratulations were not felt to be particularly gratifying.