His gaze shifted back to the water. "Until his dying day my father blamed me for my mother's death."
Pity for Daniel, for all he'd suffered, and anger at his father's thoughtless cruelty, collided in Carolyn. Certainly it wasn't necessary for his father to blame Daniel for his mother's death-clearly Daniel blamed himself more than anyone else ever could.
She touched his chin and waited until he'd turned back to her. "Do you recall I told you the other day that we cannot control other people's actions-only our own?" After he gave a tight nod, she continued, "Your mother's death was not your fault, Daniel. The sadness that drove her to take her own life had nothing to do with you."
Deep regret and naked desolation clouded his beautiful eyes. "I couldn't stop her sadness."
"But you didn't cause it." She brushed a stray dark lock from his forehead. "This… this is difficult for me to say, as it's something I've never told anyone. Not even Sarah, from whom I have no secrets." She drew a slow, bracing breath, then said softly, "For months after Edward died, I thought of taking my own life. I would sit for hours, staring at his portrait, feeling so alone and hopeless, unable to see a way to go on without him. Not wanting to go on without him."
The memory of those hideous, dark days swept through her and she shuddered. "But something inside me wouldn't, couldn't, allow me to end my life. I don't know what that something was. Perhaps an inner strength I'm unaware of. To this day I don't understand how or why I had it… My point is, my decision had only to do with me, not anyone else. If I'd been determined to end my life, no one-not even my beloved sister-could have talked me out of doing so or prevented it. Anymore than you could have prevented your mother from doing so."
A long silence swelled between them. Then he finally said, "I wish my mother had possessed that inner strength you spoke about."
"So do I. But it's not your fault that she did not."
He slipped one hand from hers, reached out and softly traced his fingertips over her face, as if trying to memorize her features. "I'm very glad you had it."
"So am I, although I wasn't at the time." She kissed his fingertips as they passed over her lips. "Thank you for confiding in me."
"Thank you for listening. And confiding in me." He cupped her cheek in his palm. "I hadn't intended to tell you, but having done so, I feel… better. Relieved. As if a great weight has been lifted."
"Keeping feelings locked inside can be a great burden."
"Yes. I don't often speak from the heart." One corner of his mouth lifted in a humorless half smile. "Some would say that's because I don't have one."
"And they would be wrong, Daniel." She laid one hand against his chest, her palm absorbing the steady thud there. "You have a kind, generous heart. Don't ever think otherwise."
Yes. And he was a kind, generous, honorable man who hid an enormous amount of pain behind the facade of a charming rogue. She'd known him for years, yet hadn't really known him-the real him. Until now. Until he'd shown her his heart.
A wave of warm tenderness inundated her, overflowing her own heart with a sensation that made her go utterly still. Because she recognized it. Very well. Because she'd felt it. Once before. With Edward. It was-
Love.
Dear God, she loved Daniel.
For several seconds she couldn't breathe. Couldn't take it in. She tried to deny it, but no, there was no mistake. She loved him.
But how had this happened? She barely knew him.
You've known him for years.
But not well.
You've gotten to know him very well recently.
But not enough to love him.
You must recall that it only takes the heart a single beat to know.
Yes, she recalled. And therefore knew there was no mistaking her feelings.
She realized they must have been building over the last few months, ever since she'd seen him at Matthew's house party. It was undeniable. Even though she never thought she'd fall in love again, she loved him.
A man who'd made it perfectly clear he didn't want her heart and who had no intention of giving his.
And even though she never thought she'd contemplate another marriage, she suddenly realized that the thought of marrying the man she loved filled her with a contentment she hadn't believed she would experience again.
Daniel hadn't made any attempt to hide his aversion to marriage. Given his wealth and holdings, the only reason he would need to marry was to provide an heir, something he could do decades from now. And given her lack of success in conceiving, even if he changed his mind and decided to marry now, she couldn't provide him with that heir. He had not one but two brothers who could inherit the earldom, but she knew every man wanted a son to be his heir.
She squeezed her eyes shut and cursed the irony.
"Carolyn?"
She opened her eyes and looked into his concerned depths.
"Are you all right?" he asked.
No. I've foolishly fallen in love with you. And I don't know what I'm going to do about it. She attempted a smile but wasn't certain she succeeded. "I'm fine."
"I think we should get back to the house. Prepare for our return to London."
"Very well."
She made to arise, but he held her in place and slowly leaned forward. Settled his mouth on hers. And kissed her with a tender passion that swelled her throat and pushed hot moisture behind her eyes. Then he gathered up their belongings while she quickly donned her clothing.
An hour later saw them refreshed and on their way back to London. Not trusting her voice nor certain what to say, she spent the ride snuggled against him, resting her head against his chest. They spoke little, and she wondered what he was thinking. Hoped he was taking her words to heart that he was not to blame for his mother's death. And prayed he hadn't guessed the depth of her feelings for him.
She'd known their affair would eventually come to an end, but now realized that she'd need to end it as soon as possible. There was no point in confessing her feelings to a man who'd made it clear he only wanted an affair. To tell him would only embarrass them both, and no doubt horrify him.
Yet she couldn't continue their liaison feeling as she did about him. She knew from experience her feelings would only deepen, which meant that the longer she delayed in ending their affair, the more painful ending it would be.
Still, she couldn't even contemplate telling him now. Not when all his raw emotions and memories of his mother's death had so recently surfaced. And she wanted, needed, to be with him one more time. Make love with him one more time. And then she'd let him go. And once again start her life over.
When they arrived in London, the carriage stopped in front of her town house. Daniel escorted her to her door, where he lifted her hand and kissed her fingers.
"Thank you. For a beautiful day I will never forget."
Emotion clogged her throat, cutting off her words. She swallowed and managed a husky, "I'll never forget it either, Daniel."
And then he was gone.
And she climbed the stairs to her bedchamber on leaden legs.
Minutes after leaving Carolyn at her town house, Daniel, mentally drained and exhausted, approached his own home. Barkley and Samuel awaited him the foyer, the latter pacing the marble floor.
"Ye'll never guess wot, milord," Samuel said the instant Daniel entered the foyer.
Bloody hell. He wasn't certain he had the strength for any further drama today. "I can't imagine."
"Those two blokes are back. The magistrate and the Runner. Been 'ere nigh on two hours waitin' on ye. We told 'em we didn't know when ye'd be returnin' but they insisted on waitin'."
"Did they say why?"
Samuel shook his head and swallowed nervously.
Daniel clapped a reassuring hand on the young man's shoulder. "No doubt they've made a breakthrough in Lady Crawford's murder. I'll see what they want."
"Just in case they're here about young Samuel, I showed them into the library, my lord," Barkley intoned. "I thought perhaps they might enjoy Naughty's company."
Good God. Two hours with Naughty? He doubted either man would be amused.
He entered the library and was relieved to note that Naughty was sleeping. Rayburn and Mayne rose, and after greetings were exchanged, Mayne said in his brusque manner, "You've been out all day, Lord Surbrooke?"
"Yes. I arrived home just now."
"Where have you been?"
"I visited my country home in Kent."
Mayne's brows rose. "Rather a long trip for one day."
"The weather was good and I enjoy the journey."
Rayburn cleared his throat. "You must have gotten an early start this morning. What time did you leave?"
"Around seven." His gaze shifted between them. "Gentlemen, I'm weary and would like retire, so perhaps you could get to the point of this visit. Is it regarding Tolliver? Or Lady Crawford's murder?"
"Now why would you think we're here about Lady Crawford's murder?" Mayne asked sharply.
"I can only assume you're here about one or the other, as I can't see that we have anything else to discuss."
"I'm afraid we do," Rayburn said, his deep voice serious. "Tell me, Lord Surbrooke, what time did you depart Lord Exbury's party last evening?"
"I'm not exactly certain, but I'd guess around one A.M."
"Did you come straight home?"
"Yes."
"Did you remain at home?"
He hesitated for single beat, during which he shoved his conscience aside. "Yes." He had. For about twenty minutes before leaving to go to Carolyn.
Mayne's eyes narrowed with clear distrust. "Rayburn and I observed you talking to Lady Margate at the Exbury soiree last evening."
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