C. Brown - Compromising

“You don’t get to dictate, Alex. I need Brandon here.”

“What the fuck for?”

“Because he’s my boyfriend.”

Air became a luxury in that moment. My eyes bulged, and my heart skipped a beat as Adriana spit out the words that I was sure would send Alex over the deep end.

Alex slowly crept up to his sister with pure venom in his golden-hued eyes. “I’ve been away getting my ass shot at, and you’re fraternizing with the fucking enemy. How could you stoop so low? This motherfucker would bury your own brother if he could, and you’re blind to that shit because he gives you a little dick.”

“Alex, that’s enough. Walk away,” Riley interjected. He pulled Alex away from Jensen and Adriana.

I saw this coming from a mile away. It shouldn’t have come as much of a surprise to anyone who knew the recent history between Alex and Jensen. Sadly, that didn’t soften the blow. Guadalupe stood in horror as brother and sister went at one another, blocking out everyone as they went for the jugular.

“You’re so caught up in my goddamn business that you haven’t even checked on your pregnant girlfriend!”

Gasps filled the once silent room as Adriana stood with her hands on her hips, lips puckered, and eyes narrowed at Alex. Alex stopped where he was and turned to look at Adriana with dark, brooding eyes. There was a moment of calculation as he stepped out of Riley’s grasp and slowly made his way over to his sister.

“What the fuck did you just say?” he growled, low and deliberate.

“You heard me. You’re so angry about everything happening around you that you didn’t even take notice.”

Alex’s hand went straight for his mouth. Shock had taken over, and I couldn’t tell if he were about to explode or pass out. Either way, his reaction wasn’t celebratory, and coupled with everything happening at the moment, we were all standing on very dangerous ground.

“Are you fucking pregnant?” Alex asked, almost in a whisper.

I looked around. Nat’s eyes were fixated on me as if she were willing me to give an answer. Riley looked on in utter confusion while Jensen stared blankly ahead. The most troubling set of eyes were those of Guadalupe. She didn’t try to hide her dismay; in fact, she was damn near showcasing it. My stomach rolled once again as sweat affixed itself to every inch of my skin. I was put under a magnifying glass with dozens of prying eyes, all eager to get a peek. Embarrassment cloaked me as I stood on the spot, trying to fix my lips to give Alex the answer he was waiting for.

“Adriana…” I pleaded.

“I’m sorry, Cassie.”

“You answer me right now,” Alex ordered, marching over to where I was standing. “Are you fucking pregnant?”

I looked around the room at the awaiting faces, wishing that the ground would open that instant and swallow me whole. “Yes,” I whispered, lightly nodding my head.

“Aye, no. Por favor, no!” Guadalupe cried, dropping her face into her hands.

“Shit!” Alex growled. “When did you think I should find out about this? Why the fuck does my sister know before me?”

“I wanted to tell you. And I swear I didn’t tell her… I don’t know how…”

Alex rubbed the back of his head furiously, his expression strained as he turned away, then back to me. He stepped closer to me, erasing the gap between us. “How in the hell did this happen? I mean… we aren’t fucking ready.”

“Then get ready. You know how this happened. I didn’t fuck myself, Alex.”

“Cassie!” He roared, then took me by the arm, pulling me away from the prying eyes fixated on us. “Don’t be a fucking smart ass! You know what I mean. What the fuck are we gonna do? We aren’t ready to be anyone’s fucking parent.”

“That’s too bad, Alex. You shot your shit off inside me, and this is what we got. Deal with it,” I hissed back, not backing down. I wasn’t sure how he’d react, but this wasn’t too far one of the scenarios that I had in mind. Alex could be downright infuriating, and at times irrational, but I wasn’t about to take the blame for what we had done. It was unexpected and probably not the right time, but what was done was done, and the only choice we had was to move forward with it.

“Hi, I’m Dr. Wilson. I’m looking for the next of kin for Imelda Cruz.” Thank goodness for the doctor. His entrance alleviated some of the tension filling my shoulders.

I relaxed a bit. Alex turned and stood just before the doctor, reaching his hand out and giving a firm handshake. The angry mood was sucked away with the doctor’s words, turning into fear and longing as everyone prayed for a miracle.

“I’m Alex, Imelda’s son. What’s going on with her?”

“I’d like to speak with you in private.”

“No, we’re all family, and we’d all like to know.”

The doctor looked around the room at all of the tear stained eyes. He took a deep breath before turning back to Alex and finally speaking what none of us wanted to hear.

“It seems your mother has some very severe internal injuries and even after surgery, I can’t give her a good prognosis. I’d like you all to come and say your goodbyes. I don’t expect her to make it through the night.”

Adriana burst into tears and fell onto Jensen, sobbing uncontrollably as he worked in vain to try and console her. Guadalupe cried out before being taken by one of Alex’s cousins, who shared her tears, but had just an ounce more of self-control.

Alex vacantly stared at the doctor, a dumbfounded expression spreading across his face. He stood statuesque, the only movement of his body coming from laborious pants and the heaving of his chest. The doctor reached out and touched his shoulder, which Alex quickly and forcefully jerked away from. His beautiful, caramel skin was beginning to streak red. He turned away from the doctor and walked in the opposite direction, his steps hard and menacing.

My heart had temporarily stopped beating with the doctor’s words, but one look at Alex and I knew I had to act. I quickly followed after him, hearing his cries the closer and closer that I got. He finally stopped at the nearest wall, his balled up hand pounding on the surface as he finally allowed the anger, sadness, and aggression to explode.

“Why my mom?” he asked through heartbreaking tears. “Why my mom? Why? Why? Why?” he continued to ask, the tears growing thicker as he choked on his words.

I had no answers for him. I couldn’t even speak. My throat went dry, and my mind went blank. I had no idea how to handle such a situation when I was hurting as well. The love of my life was experiencing a pain that there was no remedy for. Piece by piece he broke until there was nothing left of him.

Alex continued to pound the wall as he cried into it, stopping every so often, then picking right back up and repeating the routine. He continued to ask why, even though he would never receive that answer. When he tired of the pounding on the wall, he slowly dropped to the floor, resting his head in his hands as the tears continued to expel from his eyes. I dropped to the ground with him and cried, rubbing his back while he pounded the side of his balled up hand onto the cold, tile floor.

“Why her? Fuck! Why my mom?” he asked, staring at me through tear stained eyes. He dropped his head again as the tears continued to flow.

There was nothing I could do for him but allow him to cry, and that’s what he did, and continued to do even when the doctor took him by the arm and led him down the hallway and into his mom’s room.

Every step of the long, arduous walk felt as if I was slipping further and further into my own personal hell. Masochistic thoughts jabbed at my mind, punishing me for all the wrong that I had done. My mother, the backbone in my life, was lying on her death bed, and there wasn’t a goddamned thing that I could do about it.

As hard as I tried, I couldn’t stop the tears from slipping down my face. This shit hurt worse than any pain I’d ever experienced.

“I want to prepare you for what you are about to see. Your mother looks drastically different from the way you would remember her,” the doctor cautiously warned.

I looked to him and nodded, standing in the doorway but afraid to walk in. He gave me a curt head nod, and I slowly entered the room, gasping deeply when I got my first glimpse of my mom. The swelling on top of the deep bruising on her face placed a stranger in front of me. I’d seen enough disfigured people in my time in the sandbox, but seeing a piece of my heart, lying there, unrecognizable and dying tore me to shreds.

My eyes burned, my lips went dry, and my ability to speak escaped me. There were no words to speak, and nothing would make any part of this situation any better. I wasn’t quite sure what to say or if she could hear me anyway, so I sat in the chair next to her bed, holding her hand and listening to the beep of the machines that I presumed were keeping her alive. I sat there for a solid five minutes, kissing and rubbing her hand before Adriana and my grandma came into the room.

They both silently took their seats, their eyes just as bloodshot as mine, looking as if they had cried themselves out as well. We all made eye contact with one another, but no one said a word for fear of bursting the emotional dam that entrenched us. It was a cruel fucking thought to think that I’d be leaving this hospital with a piece of my life forever gone. A piece that I could never get back.

“Excuse me,” the doctor whispered. “I just wanted to let you all know that although Imelda is heavily sedated, she can hear you.” He smiled, then quickly walked away, leaving us with the impossibility of trying to say our last words.