C. Brown - Compromising

“You didn’t seem too shaken—”

“I don’t need to be a crybaby bitch to show that shit affected me. I’m not a heartless asshole, Avery, but I love my boys and I want to see every single one of us go home safe and sound. I’ve had too many of my brothers go home in a fucking body bag, and if you don’t toughen up and lose the sympathy for kids who are willing to take you out, you’ll end up being one of them.”

Tears continued to pour from his eyes. I had seen this before. The kid was wrought with emotion and guilt, and while I shared in the guilt, it wasn’t enough to consume me and leave me worthless. Yes, a child had died, at our hands, but I wouldn’t apologize for saving the life of a dedicated Corpsman with a wife and kids at home. That boy could have bypassed us, but he chose differently, and with that he’d met his maker, the very one he was yelling to just before he was to detonate his bomb and take our brother with him. Thinking about it that way eased my guilt a little, allowing me to relish in the fact that Vega and I had saved a life that, in our eyes, was more valuable than the one we had taken away.

Avery sat down on his cot, still crying his eyes out, but finally doing it in silence. I motioned for Vega to meet me at the edge of the tent lining, never once taking my eyes off of Avery.

“I’m sending White over here. You are both watching over him tonight. Consider it duty, and take shifts if you have to, but remove his weapon and keep eyes on him at all times. I’ll be letting First Sergeant know that I think he needs to be placed on watch.”

“Roger that, Sergeant.”

I grabbed Avery’s weapon, then strolled off towards First Sergeant’s tent. Avery was a cause for concern, and even if I thought his initial reaction to our environment was just a severe case of nerves, I thought there was much more to it now. His emotional state was highly questionable and worrisome. Worrying about the guy covering my ass should have been the last of my concern, but alas, it was on the forefront of my mind. I didn’t want another mission with him, and I wasn’t going to hold back from making that happen.

“First Sergeant, may I have a word with you?” I asked, stone faced and serious.

“What do you need, Sergeant?”

I strolled into his tent, staring into the eyes of a man who looked worn down. “Well, it’s about Lance Corporal. Avery.”

“What about him?”

I swallowed, knowing good and well that this was not what he wanted to hear at this moment, but not giving a shit. My livelihood was on the line where that little shit was concerned.

“First Sergeant, Lance Corporal. Avery is a loose cannon. He is much too emotional and not built for combat. He’s going to get himself killed. Or worse, someone else killed.”

He took a sip of his drink from his coffee mug, then sat it down on the table he was sitting on and eyed me. “I know what happened out there today. The kid was shaken up. It’s his first deployment, cut him some slack.”

“No, it’s more than that, First Sergeant. I have Vega and White watching over him tonight, making sure he doesn’t harm himself.”

His eyes narrowed, and he stood, staring deeply into my soul as if I had triggered something for him. “What do you mean, harm himself?”

I blew out my breath, annoyed with the runaround. “He was shocked by what happened out there today, we all were, but this is more than some first timer getting a dose of reality. This is an emotionally unstable kid who spent the last hour or so bawling his eyes out and accusing his fellow Marines of being on the wrong side of things. This is a guy who can’t understand why what we did, even with such consequences, was the right thing to do. This is a guy who I wouldn’t trust to fetch my boots, and I damn sure don’t want to put my life in his hands.”

“So you’re telling me you think this kid might turn?”

“I am telling you I don’t trust him and don’t want him on anymore missions with my team.” First Sergeant Keating eyed me a minute more, huffed out his frustration and walked back toward his mug on the table and took a long gulp.

“Unfortunately, Sergeant, that’s not your call. We need every body we can get, so Avery stays on your team.”

“He’s not fit for combat, First Sergeant. He’s nothing more than an oxygen thief,” I growled, growing frustrated and ready to blow.

“You don’t make any fucking personnel calls, Sergeant. You take your marching orders and follow suit.”

“Not when he has the capacity to endanger the rest of the Marines—”

Before I could finish speaking, Keating slammed his mug down on the table and had my shirt in his clutches. His eyes, once lethargic and lonesome, were now fired up and full of fury.

“You listen to me, you little fuck. You don’t run anything around here. We need bodies, and at the moment, Avery is who the fuck you have. You’re a goddamned NCO. You take your orders and carry them out to the best of your fucking ability. You’ve got a scared fucking baby in your platoon, and now it’s time for you to lead, and lead with a fucking purpose. If you can’t do the job, I’d be glad to put fucking Corporal Vega in your place. I’m sure he’ll get shit done. Do you fucking understand that, Sergeant?”

“Yes. First. Sergeant,” I gruffly answered.

“Good,” he spit out, tiny particles hitting my face. “Make sure you shift change with Vega and White. Avery is yours, and you need to make sure he’s fit for duty.” He dropped my shirt and turned away from me. “Now get the fuck out of my tent.”

I turned and walked away, filled to the brim with undeniable anger, ready to eliminate Avery on my own. I didn’t know the kid very well, but I hated him with a passion. I was convinced that his instability would cost us, and cost us dearly, and I wouldn’t have that shit on my conscience if someone died because he couldn’t reign himself in.

Feeling frustrated with no real way of releasing it, I stormed back into Avery’s tent, pulled him off of his cot where he was sleeping, and yelled, “Get your ass up! You’re about to learn to appreciate your fellow fucking Marines.”

His eyes bulged with fear as he stared into my eyes. Full of anger and feeling like I could put a fucking bullet in his head, I ripped my shirt off and pointed out the six men who were memorialized on my chest, who had died serving their country so that little shits like him could have the opportunity to do something better with their own lives. I reminded him that he chose this path during war time no less, and that I was offended, and quite frankly, felt as if my bullet should have gone through his fucking skull.

He cried more tears, but in the end he understood, or at least said he did. When I finally allowed him to go sleep, I reminded him that what he had seen would no doubt scar any sane person but that my sanity was in question, and if he ever thought about insulting the very people giving their blood for his stupid ass again, I’d make sure he suffered the same fate.

It took him a good three hours before he finally fell asleep. I took over babysitting duties for the rest of night, acting like a hovering cloud over this little shit to remind him that I was never too far away.

“You’re washing it again, Cassie? Damn, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you owned this thing.” Dalton joked, sitting on the sidewalk sipping a Slurpee while I slaved in the hot desert sun. Alex had left his truck with me, and in the weeks since he’d been gone, I’d probably washed it ten times.

“It’s beautiful. And you know the monster who drives this thing. He’d kill me if he saw it dirty.” I tossed my sopping, wet wash cloth at him, hitting him in the face.

“Gross, Cassie. Seriously!”

“Oh, shut up. Get off your ass and help me.”

He rose, his face still scrunched in dismay, and began scrubbing the side of the truck that had been covered with ever-flying Twentynine dust. “So what’s the deal? I’ve seen Angelica come by your place a few times.”

I blushed, feeling embarrassed because between our work schedules, Dalton and I hadn’t had much time with one another. “We just workout or play basketball. She and Serrateli are kind of seeing one another I guess, but they have this killer workout routine and have formed a group with people at work. I’m not sharing any deep dark secrets, that’s for sure.”

“Well, whatever. I’m sure Alex wouldn’t love the idea of you two being bosom buddies. How is he, anyway?”

“I wouldn’t know. I haven’t heard from him. I’ve sent letters, but nothing in return.”

“It’s bad over there right now. I know it sucks, but if you haven’t heard anything, count it as a blessing.”

I shrugged, wanting to get away from this topic. “Anyway, how are you doing? Fill me in on all things, Dalton.”

“Not really much to tell.”

“Well, how are you and Ben?”

He blew out a haggard breath, indicating that this was a sore subject. “I don’t know. He wants to come out here in a couple of weeks.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“The problem is that I’ve been kind of seeing Johnson.”

“Your roommate?”

“Yes. I like him, he’s here, and he’s available. Ben is all the way in Ohio, and seeing him is hard. Plus, things are just complicated there.”

“What’s complicated, Dalton? He’s a great guy who thinks the world of you. He’s willing to move here.”

“I know. I just… I don’t know. I think I might like Johnson a little more.”

“I have nothing against Johnson. I just don’t understand how you could toss Ben aside so quickly.”

“I’m not tossing him aside. I just don’t know where my feelings are. I’m pretty sure I’ll let him come out…”