“So you get punished? And now you go to a war where you can die? Because of that girl?” my grandma asked, disgust plastered across her face.

“No, Abuelita,” I answered tersely, trying to keep my temper in line. “I made the choice to be with her, and losing my instructor position was the consequence.”

She dropped her fork and shook her head as she mumbled something under her breath. Abel sat staring at me, breaking my heart as I watched sadness fill his face. He was normally such a happy little boy, and even though he had no idea what was going on, he could sense the tense atmosphere, and it wasn’t boding well for him.

“Anyway,” Adriana interrupted, “Cassie is a part of Alex’s life so you might as get used to it, Abuelita.”

“Then where is she? Why she didn’t come with you today?” she asked, her face scrunched tightly.

“Because of this,” Adriana shouted, losing her composure. “Look at you. Look at the way you treated her the last time she was here.”

“That’s enough, Adriana,” my mother scolded.

“No, someone needs to speak up. Alex is a big boy. He isn’t your little mijo anymore. He’s a man who fell in love with someone, and the military told him it wasn’t okay to fall in love with her. Well, too bad because we all know men think with their penises, and his spoke up for him—”

“Adriana!”

“No, Mama. Let’s be real. Alex didn’t bring Cassie because you two treated her like shit. He made his bed, and now he’s lying in it. Stop fucking blaming Cassie.”

I was shocked. I had never heard Adriana speak so blatantly to my mom or my grandmother before. Abel stopped chewing and stared at his mom. I had no idea that in her brief interactions with Cassie she had grown so fond of her. Or maybe it was me. Maybe it was the fact that she loved me enough to want to see me happy. Either way, I had to admit that hearing her made me smile a little. I could bitch out just about anyone, but the last time I’d erupted on my mom and grandmother I was sickened and disgusted with myself, even if it were warranted.

The same awkward silence that seemed to be a staple with us now was back and looming large. Abel broke the silence by asking questions about me going to fight the bad guys, and if I would bring him something when I got back. I promised him I would. It amazed me how quickly that little guy could thaw the frozen tundra that seemed to settle over us.

After eating, we took Abel to the park and watched him run around and exert some of that toddler energy. My grandmother stayed behind, claiming she was tired. I wasn’t sure if that were the truth or not, but I didn’t argue with her.

I spent a good amount of time talking to my mom about Cassie, and my relationship with her. She apologized for the way she had behaved the last time Cassie was around. If only I could get my grandma to do the same, but I knew better than most that she was a stubborn old woman, and her fucking pride and ego were bigger than mine by a long shot.

When it was time for me to go, Adriana packed some leftovers for me, instructing me to make sure that Cassie got a taste of her enchiladas. I gave her a hard time, pretending I was feeling sick, but took them and promised to do just that.

My mom hugged me and kissed me as if it were the last time she would ever see me, and tears streamed down her eyes as she spoke through loud sobs and sniffles. “You bring your ass back home to us, Alejandro. You do what you have to do, and you come back.”

“Yes, Mama,” I replied with a smile, hoping that my lack of fear would assuage hers. She buried her head into my chest and cried harder, prompting me to hold her head and whisper how everything would be okay and that I would be back before she knew it.

She held me tight for a few minutes longer. I could feel her pain. I had felt it before, but just like every other time, I promised her that I had the world’s best training, and I would be with guys that held the same mindset. After kissing her head a couple of times, she finally let go.

Adriana walked Abel over, and I knelt down to his level. He threw his arms around my neck, and held on tight as he whispered, “I love you, Nino.”

A tear stung my eye, but I held it back. No one in this world could break me down, yet Cassie and Abel seemed to have that power. The last thing I wanted was for him to see me cry.

“I love you, too, little dude. Take care of your mama for me, okay?”

He nodded his head, then took off for his room. Adriana came up and nudged me in the gut. “I’ll see you Friday, party boy.”

“Yep, don’t be late.”

My grandmother was last. It was hard looking at her cold, hurt-filled eyes. In her mind, if I had avoided Cassie, I wouldn’t be going off to a war where many of my brothers were dying. I couldn’t help what happened, and I certainly couldn’t help the way she felt, but I didn’t see this as a punishment. I saw it as just another notch in my Marine Corps belt—a way to mark my journey, regardless of how I had gotten there.

I held out my arms for her and she stepped in, wrapping her arms around my midsection. “I will miss you, Alejandro,” she whispered. “I hate you going. Come back to me.”

I swallowed hard, then exhaled harshly. The hurt in her voice was undeniable, and it was slowly fucking killing me. I didn’t want to leave feeling guilty, but she was making it happen. I wanted to leave with the love and support of my family, and I could see she was trying, but even she couldn’t overcome the anger boiled up inside of her.

“I’m coming back, Abuelita. I always do.”

Tears slid down her face and moistened my shirt. It had been years since I’d seen my grandmother cry, and her tears were like shackles around my heart, constricting it and keeping it from beating. The tears were threatening again for me, but the last thing I wanted to do was turn this goodbye into a tear fest.

“I have to get going. I’ll make sure to call before I leave, and then again once I’ve arrived in Kuwait.”

“You better,” my mom cried, her face now beet red from the tears that raced down her cheeks. She ran up and wrapped her arms around me again, pulling my head down and kissing me a few times. “I love you, mijo. Be safe.”

I nodded my head, then turned for the door. They followed me out, waving and wishing me well. I didn’t remember my other deployment farewells being so goddamned emotional, but things were different this time. This time my grandmother, and I suspected my mom as well, viewed this as a punishment, something that could have been avoided. And in all actuality, it could have been avoided, but I wanted what I wanted and I got it, damn the consequences that may have followed.

As I drove away, I looked in the rearview mirror at the three women in my life who had always meant the most to me. They were crying and hugging together in a circle. It hurt like hell to see that sight, but I couldn’t focus on it. I had a long drive home.

I turned the music up and blasted the sadness out of my truck. I had to keep reminding myself that it was only temporary and that I would see them again.

++++

Cassie was waiting for me when I returned that evening. She wasn’t feeling well, and had a slight fever, so I took her back to my house, pampering her and making sure to keep her comfortable. Riley and Nat were gone for the weekend which meant I could have a quiet house for Cassie to rest in.

I gave her the run down about my visit, which made her cringe at certain parts, and the more she listened to it, the more she agreed that it was best that she didn’t go. Although my mom apologized for the way she had treated Cassie, my grandmother was still rude as fuck whenever her name was mentioned, and I just didn’t want to have a repeat of what happened the first time.

After soup, a bath and a massage, Cassie fell asleep in my arms on the couch, and that was where we stayed for the rest of the night.

++++

The following week went by in a blaze. I was so busy throughout the day with briefings and running from office to office that I didn’t have time for anything else. I rarely saw Cassie throughout the day, and only had time for her at night when we were both bone tired and ready to pass out, but as long as she was in my arms at night, that was all I really cared about.

I knew that, on Saturday afternoon, I’d be on an airplane headed to a fucking place that most people couldn’t even fathom setting foot in. I knew the hell that was awaiting me, but I didn’t want to focus on that. I wanted to focus on the kick ass party that Riley had set up for me, and I wanted to get trashed. I wanted to get abso-fucking-lutely shitfaced with my boys, and put the bullshit of the next few months behind me.

Friday came roaring in before I’d realized it. Master Sergeant Finny gave those of us who were deploying the day off, wishing us well and bidding us good luck. He was a no nonsense kind of man who never smiled and never showed emotion, but I liked him. He reminded me a lot of myself, and I could see myself becoming him if I stayed in long enough.

That afternoon, Adriana drove out, leaving Abel behind for the night, and I was glad to see her. In the midst of the utter fucking turmoil that was going on back home, she had been the one who had remained in my corner, going to bat for Cassie when she needed to. It had been too long since I’d partied with my sister, and I was ready to let loose and just have a good time.

Riley had a fucking liquor store delivered to the house—three kegs and enough hard liquor to put a battalion out on their asses. He knew how to throw a party, so I didn’t say anything, but reminded him that I had a plane to catch the following day. He brushed that off and said I could sleep on the plane—that he was going to be sending me off the right way.