C. Brown - Compromising

“You’re free?” he asked. The slight trace of disappointment in his words made my temper flare.

“Yes, I’m free. Anything else you’d like to know?”

He stared at me in disbelief.

“You look stunned, Jensen. You okay?”

“I just didn’t expect that.”

He was baiting me, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t falling for it. His smug and condescending attitude since finding out about me and Cassie had rubbed me raw. He was looking for a fight, and I was ready to give him one.

“Well, what the fuck were you expecting? Did you think that running to O’Hara and spilling your fucking guts to him was going to make you look good? Did you think a meritorious promotion would be in the cards? What the fuck, Jensen?”

A flash went off in his eyes, and he was in my face in a hurry. “Get the fuck off your high and mighty, paranoid horse, Alex. I didn’t have to say anything to O’Hara. Your stupid ass did you in long before that was necessary. You feel guilty for breaking the code, for stepping out of the fucking boundaries, and turning yourself into one of the motherfucking turds that we have come to despise. You want to know what I was expecting? I’ll fucking tell you what I was expecting. I was expecting for you to step up, be a man, and own your shit. I was expecting for you to walk into that courtroom with your head held high and tell them that you are a Marine, and that you believe in what that title stands for, and that you deserve to be punished because you have dishonored yourself, your unit, but most of all you’ve dishonored the Corps. That’s what the fuck I expected.”

He spoke so passionately that he stopped to catch his breath, all the while glaring at me. “I guess my expectations were too fucking high,” he resumed. “You’re a coward, and beating your charges or not, you will always know it because it is forever a piece of what makes you.”

“I ought to whoop your ass right here and now,” I lowly grumbled, feeling the heat rise within my body. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. You stand there, looking down on me, passing judgment and thinking that you are somehow better than me. Well, let me remind you of something. I am everything you want to be, everything you hope to become. You’ve been shadowing me since we got here because you see what you know you will never be. Fraternizer or not, I’m still light years ahead of you and it pains you to no end. Hate me, call me a fucking turd, but remember this. I have convictions. If I say or do something it’s because I believe in it. It’s too fucking bad that I can’t say the same for you.”

I threw a few more things into my box, then picked it up and headed for the door. “Think long and hard about throwing the coward word around, Jensen. Take a look in the fucking mirror before you use that again.”

Before he could say another word to me, I walked out of the office and instantly felt the first feel of gratification since Cassie had emotionally shattered me.

The thick layer of hot sweltering heat that hit my face as I strode outside was surprisingly refreshing. Jensen had made my blood boil, but satisfaction had hit me as I pinned him with his own insult. Our friendship had blossomed because we were so much alike, but he found himself shadowing me, trying to emulate the things that I was doing to get noticed. No matter what my indiscretions were, I knew I still held a level of dignity that he would never achieve. He had sold his soul to the devil, and that was a guilt that he would have to live with.

++++

I picked up my orders on the lunch hour, making sure to avoid certain people who served as nothing but constant annoyance to me. Even with the promising start, this day had turned sour in a hurry, and I didn’t need any more fuel being added to an already burning fire.

I was shocked when the Admin clerk handed me my orders, and I found that I would be going to 3/11, an Artillery Battalion. I wasn’t sure if I should be happy about the orders or not, but they were what they were, so I took them and analyzed what this meant as far as me and my career. Were these orders a punishment? Artillery did a hell of a lot of field time, and if O’Hara had any say in where I shipped off to next, maybe he saw this as a way to get something on me finally. Of course with this, I was no longer in a position of power over females. It was a combat MOS, and there were no females in the unit. I mentally told myself to fucking forget about it, take the orders, and move on.

When I checked in with the OOD, he gave me a quizzical look, but didn’t allude to whatever it was that he was thinking. He explained that I would be heading to Kilo Battery and that I would be under the command of Master Sergeant Finey. I nodded, got my shit stamped, then headed over to my new workspace and get settled into my new home.

Master Sergeant Finey was a large man, and if I were unsure of myself, he could come off as intimidating. His dark chocolate skin, bulging black eyes, and Hulk-like muscles comprised every inch of the excessively tall man. His shake was bone crushing, but I returned it, showing that I wasn’t cowering and that I could be a force just as he could.

“I’m Sergeant Cruz, Master Sergeant—”

“I know who the fuck you are,” he roared. His voice almost matched the rumble of my fucking truck. “I got a call from O’Hara, so I know all about you.”

This wasn’t going to be good. O’Hara hated me, and I was sure he had slandered me in some way or another.

“There are no females here, so I don’t have to worry about that shit you got yourself caught up in. Do your fucking job and we won’t have any goddamn problems. You understand that?”

“Yes, Master Sergeant,” I responded, looking him square in the eye.

“Good. Let me show you around the shop and introduce you to a few people.”

I followed his lead, meeting the Battery XO, a few Staff Sergeants, and a couple of junior Marines. All in all, this unit felt more like a benefit than a punishment for me. If O’Hara had meant to make 3/11 my consequence, he had just fucked himself once again. The element, the camaraderie, the fighting spirit, and the testosterone filling those walls was exactly where I needed to be.

“I’m going to go ahead and let you call it a day, but I expect to see you at zero five tomorrow morning. We have a lot of planning to get through, and unfortunately for you, you’ll be in the thick of it.”

There was code in his words that he wasn’t letting on to. I stopped and looked him in the eye, trying hard to read him, but otherwise finding a stern and expressionless glare staring back at me.

“What are the plans, Master Sergeant?”

He stared long and hard before speaking. I could tell this was not something that I wanted to hear, but I quickly prepared myself for it anyway.

“Fallujah is in the throes of civil unrest. Our brothers have been supplementing the infantry units out there, and unfortunately, we’ve been taking heavy casualties. We’re sending extra manpower, and you’ve come just in time.”

I was caught off guard. I knew the war wasn’t going well, but I didn’t think I’d be heading of for it again so quickly.

“When should I expect to ship out, Master Sergeant?”

“Two weeks, Sergeant, so make sure your ass is here, on time, so we can get through the paperwork and get all of your screenings done. Welcome to the party.” He promptly turned and walked away.

I let his words sink in. I thought about my life and everything that was so fucked up in it here. I didn’t want to leave Cassie, but in a sense, I had already done that. I thought about calling her, but I quickly squashed the idea. I needed a clear mind to move on and get myself right before heading off for battle.

My fucking life back in Twentynine was already fractured, so it only made sense to go off to a place where all of the destitute feelings had no place. At some point, I would let Cassie know that I’d be leaving and see how she received the news. Either way, right now just didn’t feel right.

I walked out to my truck and hopped in, feeling the bittersweet sensations of my new life. I was happy to find my place and fight alongside my brothers, but I was also sad that I would be doing so without the support of the one person back home who meant the absolute fucking world to me.

Stepping out of the courtroom, the blazing sun hit my face, the thick air filled my lungs, and I immediately felt life breathe into me again. How in the world had I just escaped possible brig time, adverse paperwork, demotion, and anything else that could have destroyed my burgeoning career?

I wanted to scream and fist pump.

I wanted to cry.

I wanted to wrap my arms around Alex and have him whisk me away for a celebratory love making session.

I wanted all of it, and sadly, I couldn’t have any of it.

The judge ruling in our favor wasn’t because we had been exonerated, but because First Sergeant O’Hara had jumped the gun and tried to cover his tracks after the fact. His lust for punishment, and his need to make Alex an example was his undoing.

And at the end of all of it, I had nothing to show for it.

Sure, I was intact, and nothing about my standing in the Corps had changed, but my heart was broken. It felt as if someone had ripped it out and left it there to die. I had no clue what was going to become of Alex and me, and that thought alone grappled me with a world of hurt. I loved him more than I could recall loving anyone else in my life. I stood by the fact that we shouldn’t have rushed into marriage, but I never thought he would pull the plug on us with such an extreme ultimatum. Now, I was left to go on and figure out my life without him. If he told me he was wrong, dropped on his knees and promised to do right by me…if he apologized for flying off the hinges, I’d take him back in the blink of an eye. But I was no idiot; I knew the real Alex Cruz, and like it or not, his ego was a massive part of his being, and those thoughts would only live in my dreams.