“Not as much as you might think,” he said, ruthless intent in his gaze. “Or maybe it’s just easier for you to believe that.”
Anger flared within her, that he’d touched on part of the truth-a truth that made her too vulnerable. She was scared of taking personal, emotional risks, for fear of being stifled. It had taken her years to establish her independence, to gain the self-confidence to stand on her own, and there were always those niggling doubts that she couldn’t mix business with a relationship and find an equal balance. In her experience, the latter always won.
She grasped a stronger argument. “You fulfill women’s fantasies, for crying out loud! How opposite is that?”
He jammed his hands on his lean hips and sighed, sounding as weary as he was beginning to look. “It’s just a job, Teddy, and it isn’t who I am. Fantasy for Hire was a means to an end. It isn’t my entire life.”
There was more. She could see it in his eyes. But she didn’t want to hear anything else, didn’t want to give him a chance to sway her decision. “As much as I want you, I can’t do this right now. I don’t have time in my life for a relationship, and that’s not fair to you.”
He stepped toward her, so genuine and understanding. “Teddy-”
She held up a hand to stop him, knowing his touch to be a powerful persuasion. “Please, Austin,” she beseeched him. “Don’t make this any more difficult than it already is. You’re a great guy, and you deserve better than what I can offer you, which is nothing permanent.” She bit her bottom lip, acknowledging on some feminine level that she wished she could be the kind of woman he wanted, but she wasn’t cut out for marriage, and babies, and all those other things that tied a person down and restricted their freedom.
He stared at her for a long, intense moment, his green eyes darkening with resignation. “All right,” he finally relented, and swiped his jacket from the floor. “You win, Teddy.”
It wasn’t a joyful victory. Her throat burned, and her chest hurt at the thought of never seeing him again. She opened the door before she changed her mind. “Thank you, Austin. For everything.”
“The last thing I want is your gratitude for something I wanted to do.” Just as he passed through the threshold, he stopped and turned back around, his chiseled features expressing deep regret. “Good luck on your promotion, Teddy. I hope you get everything you want.”
She was certain the double meaning ringing in his words had been unintentional on his part, but it was there nonetheless, haunting her, forcing her to think about what her desire for that promotion might have cost her. She found the thought disturbing.
And then he was gone, leaving only the warm, male scent of his cologne lingering in the entryway, and a horrible sense of loss blossoming within her.
Leaning against the wall for support, she slid down until she was sitting on the carpeted floor, her knees upraised. Dragging a hand through her tangled hair and trying not to think about how much she enjoyed being with Austin, she let out a deep breath that did nothing to ease the new tension banding her chest.
Her gaze landed on the cluster of mistletoe he’d used to seduce her, and she picked it up, holding the sprig of Christmas spirit in the palm of her hand. Her throat tightened, and a piercing pain wrenched her heart.
Damn Austin McBride anyway, for making her realize just how cold and lonely her life was, for making her question everything that was important to her-everything she’d struggled to attain without the support of anyone.
She’d sacrificed so much to prove her own self-worth to her family, to herself. But this sacrifice was hurting more than she’d ever imagined.
AUSTIN STOOD beneath the hot, stinging spray from the shower. He’d spent a restless night tossing and turning in bed, caused from frustration, confusion and a healthy dose of annoyance that Teddy Spencer had, in effect, brushed him off.
Well, not brushed him off, exactly, he amended as he braced his hands on the tiled wall and dipped his head beneath the invigorating jet of water to rinse his soap-slick body. But her brand of rejection stung nonetheless. He’d served his purpose in aiding Teddy in her plight to dissuade Louden, and she’d never promised him anything beyond last night. He’d known that. He’d followed through with Teddy’s plan with his eyes wide open, knowing it was all an act. So why did he return home last night with his stomach in knots and a keen sense of disappointment riding him hard?
The answer came easily. Despite knowing Teddy had expected nothing more from him than a performance, he couldn’t help feeling used on some basic male level. The unpleasant sensation was one he’d experienced before, and he’d have thought he’d learned from that brief encounter with a woman who’d taken advantage of him for her own self-centered motivations. Diane certainly had her own agenda when she’d pursued him. Too late, he’d discovered that her interest had been for the fantasy he created for her-that of a part-time plaything to keep her occupied when she was bored with her wealthy life and friends. Emotional involvement hadn’t been part of her plan-just an exciting affair that abruptly ended when he no longer served a purpose in her capricious life.
Despite that lesson learned, he’d wanted to believe Teddy was different, that her ulterior motives wouldn’t cloud what seemed so obvious and right between them.
He’d been wrong.
Swearing at his stupidity, he turned off the water, grabbed the thick navy towel hanging over the stall and scrubbed it over his damp hair and wet body.
“She did you a big favor, buddy,” he muttered to himself as he stepped from the shower. “And she’s definitely all wrong for you,” he continued as he trekked naked into the bedroom, where the early-morning sun was just beginning to seep through the second-story bedroom window to warm the hardwood floor.
Grabbing his favorite pair of soft, faded jeans, he pulled them on and concentrated on all those wrongs, mentally ticking them off in his head: her wealthy family, who wouldn’t approve of him, her job being more important than a relationship, and her admitted unwillingness to balance the two.
He finger-combed his thick, damp hair away from his face, and tried not to grimace at the less-than-refreshed reflection in the mirror-he looked tired, haggard and as irritable as a provoked bear. “You have every reason to be grateful that she didn’t allow things to progress further than they had last night,” he told himself, pivoting toward the bedroom door.
But as he headed downstairs, he found it difficult to be gracious about Teddy’s rejection when he’d tasted the need and hunger in her kiss, and in the way her body had responded so openly and honestly to his touch. There had been nothing calculated about her soft groans as he’d caressed her breasts, nothing fabricated about the sensual way she’d arched toward him for more.
Letting out a deep breath to erase those arousing thoughts that would surely haunt him for months to come, he entered the kitchen. Jordan, who’d always been one to be up bright and early, flipped down the corner of the Sunday sports section and glanced at Austin. A slow grin spread across Jordan’s face as he homed in on his brother’s cantankerous disposition.
“You look like hell this morning, little brother.” Humor threaded Jordan’s voice and creased the corners of his eyes.
Austin gave a noncommittal grunt in response. Of course, Jordan looked neat and orderly and ready to begin the day, his knit shirt pressed, and his jeans crisp and a vivid shade of blue, which indicated they were fairly new. Austin barely contained a disgusted snort. Didn’t his brother ever dress for anything but success?
Jordan’s grin increased. “And you should be plenty rested, considering I heard you come in just a little after midnight.”
Jordan’s insinuation that Austin’s evening plans hadn’t ended as he’d personally hoped rankled. Crossing the cool tiled floor, he opened the cupboard and brought down a bowl and a box of cereal, then withdrew a carton of milk from the refrigerator. “I thought I’d outgrown you waiting up for me long ago.”
“Oh, I wasn’t waiting up.” Jordan folded the section of newspaper neatly, and laid it aside. “I was awake, in bed reading. Even if I wasn’t, the way you stomped up the stairs and slammed your bedroom door would have woken the dead.”
He grimaced as he carried his breakfast items to the table. “Sorry,” he said, genuinely contrite. Sitting across from Jordan, he poured Cap’n Crunch into his bowl and added a generous amount of milk. Jordan looked on disapprovingly at the sugared cereal, which Austin had eaten for breakfast since the age of eight.
Jordan believed in a healthy start to the day; Austin wasn’t about to sacrifice his favorite cereal for the scrambled eggs, wheat toast and cantaloupe his brother preferred. “I guess I’m still not used to having someone else in the house.”
“I figured as much.” Jordan shoveled scrambled eggs onto his buttered wheat toast and took a bite while considering Austin through curious eyes. “Dare I ask how things went last night?”
Austin tried for a nonchalant shrug and failed miserably. “Depends on whose point of view you want.”
“How about hers?” Jordan asked, slicing his cantaloupe into precise wedges.
“Great.” Unequivocally, Austin was sure. There was little doubt in his mind that everyone at Sharper Image had fallen for the ruse, which could only work to Teddy’s favor.
“And yours?”
He scooped up a spoonful of cereal, glancing at Jordan before taking the bite. “Disappointing and frustrating.” And a multitude of other emotions he didn’t care to verbally analyze.
Jordan digested that, appearing sympathetic. “Care to talk about it?”
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