I wanted out of England and to forget about all of the things I couldn’t have, and all of the things I’d done.

Right now I had Neil sitting on the barstool just beside me but nowhere close enough for what I desired.  Not fair.  I took a huge gulp from my glass.

“Don’t you think you need to slow it down, Cherry?” he asked in his quiet way, managing to sound direct even though he spoke softly.

“Why should I?  I’m not bothering anybody.”  I gave him a thorough look and inhaled, catching a whiff of his manly scent that did more to hasten my drunkenness than the wine I kept pouring down my throat.

“That’s not true.”

“Why, whatever do you mean, Neil?”  I stared and watched him for a reaction, my curiosity piqued.

“It bothers me seeing you unhappy and getting drunk at the bar.  It bothers me a lot.”  He narrowed his eyes a little and swept those nearly black beauties back and forth in an effort to read me.

“What makes you think I’m unhappy?”

He swept a hand in front of me.  “This is supposed to look like happiness?”  He gave his head a shake and took a drink off his beer.  “I don’t think so, Cherry.”

“I was waiting for Denny to show up and apologize,” I confessed, mimicking his hand gesture toward my own body, “but he’s probably off shagging the same twit from last time behind my back.  Who am I kidding?  These things happen.”  I shrugged at Neil, hoping he was getting my veiled reference to his totally unsuitable girlfriend Cora, loud and clear.

“You need to lose that fool.  I don’t like him. Why even let him near you?  You’re better than that piece of news, Cherry.”

“Don’t call me that anymore.” I pegged him with a hard look.  “Why do you allow your piece of news near you?”

“Cora?”  He looked surprised at my question, a slight smile reaching his mouth.

My stomach in knots, I grew reckless with my tongue and let it all out.  “I can’t have the one I want, so I guess I settle for sloppy seconds and get pissed in the pub when even that doesn’t work out.”  I let my ugly words sink in for a moment and then delivered the sucker punch.  “Your turn, Neil.”

He stared at me then.  His eyes moving slow and purposeful, like a caress.  It was as if he was trying to bring more confessions out of me by force of will.  It nearly worked too.  His beautiful dark eyes held the power to make it happen when he looked at me like he was right now.  Does he know how I feel about him?  Has he always known?  How could he not know?

Those soulful eyes just about managed to pull the dreaded trifecta of emotion from my lips—just, but not quite.  I only thought the words in my head.  I love you.  I was drunk and he was right here with me acting as if he really cared.  I love you.  And then, I was left with the unbelievable idea that Neil didn’t know.  How could he be that unaware?  How could he not know how I felt about him?  I love YOU, you idiot man.

I’m guessing he truly didn’t know after all, because he didn’t take my bait.

“Cherry, I know all about what Cora’s been up—”

“—I said, don’t call me that anymore.  I hate it now!” I spat angrily, signaling the bartender for a refill.  I felt immediately guilty for lashing out at him, but it hurt too much to want him to see me as a woman instead of merely as a little sister who needed protecting.

Neil stood up and waved the bartender off, tossing down some notes to pay.  “You’re done here.  I’m taking you home.”

“Oh, you think so, do you?”  I crossed my arms beneath my breasts and stared him down as best I could.  I suddenly felt hot and more than a little dizzy.

His mouth quirked up at the side and then branched out into a cocky grin.  “I know I’m taking you out of here, sweetheart.”  He took me by the hand and pulled.

“No, Neil!”  I dug my feet in and balked against the force of him.  It wasn’t easy resisting his size and strength.  I think inappropriate things at terrible times and was suddenly desperate to know what he would feel like on top of me.  He was huge and I was on the small side.  Would he swallow me up with his big body?  I’d be very willing to find out, of that I was certain.

His eyes flared at me when he turned back to stare.  If I wasn’t mistaken, Neil was really looking at me for once.  He swallowed hard, making his Adam’s apple slide along his throat.  I wished I could put my lips on his throat and keep them there.  I was annoyed with him and secretly intrigued by his attentions at the same time.  Hell, he was so damned gorgeous.

“You’re so beautiful when you’re spitting mad, Cherry.”  He emphasized his nickname for me with a confident smirk, his eyes owning me.  “Beautiful and utterly perfect.”

You’re utterly perfect…  I’d heard him say those words about me before.  I wondered…was it even possible for him to believe such a thing?  No way, right?

“You’re beautiful too, but you’re an immensely arrogant arsehole right now.”

“Is that so?”  He leaned forward just a bit, putting himself into my space.

I hiccupped and nodded, feeling dizzier than I had a moment ago, instantly intimidated.

“You’re out in the pub at night pissing drunk.”  His jaw ticked.  “I’m not leaving you here, Cherry.”

God damn, he said it again, so I just lost it.  “And, I told you not to call me that anymore!”  I took a step, stumbled on the chair rail, right into his hard chest.  He steadied me against him and I resisted the urge to bury my face in his shirt.  It was damn hard not to.  I really needed my nose buried in his shirt so I could memorize his scent.

“Okay, okay, settle down, girl.  I won’t call you Cherry anymore if you hate it so much, but only if you let me take you home.  You need your bed.”

He brought a hand up to the back of my head and stroked down my hair.  And he could’ve called me by the name of any fruit in the world right now…apple, grape, kumquat, banana…and I’m fairly sure I wouldn’t have even noticed, because he was touching me.  Neil had his hands on me.

No, I need your bed.  I lifted my eyes to his, my palms were flat on his chest, and I felt his heart thumping under my fingers.  He focused on my mouth, and for a moment I got the feeling he was thinking about kissing me.  My heart pounded so hard I’m sure my body must be moving from the force of it.

“Who do you want that you cannot have?” he whispered carefully, his eyes searing and dark, begging me to say.  If I wasn’t so stubborn I might have spilled my guts right then and there, telling him every single detail of every nice thing he’d ever done for me growing up, and how I didn’t remember a time when I didn’t love him.

I shook my head at him, feeling tears beginning to wet my eyes.

“Tell me—”

I inhaled quickly and turned my head away, just in time to see Denny step into the pub and lock eyes on me.  “Oh God,” I moaned.

“Baby, you came,” he said, rushing over and trying to pull me into his arms.  Denny’s relief at seeing me waiting at the bar for him was clearly apparent on his arrogant face.

“No, Denny, don’t.”  I had just put my hand out to keep him off me when Neil stepped up.

“She doesn’t want to talk to you anymore, Tompkins.  Leave off her.”  Neil glowered down at my ex with a look of such loathing that Denny wasn’t the only one surprised by the open hostility.  Neil looked like he could make Denny bleed and would enjoy the hell out of ensuring that there was a big puddle of the stuff once he was done.  I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.  Neil was behaving as if he were jealous of Denny.

I had to be incredibly drunk and my thought processes impaired.  Why would Neil act like that over me and some bloke I’d already dumped?

“Elaina? Please baby, just listen.  That tart meant nothing to me—” Denny ignored Neil’s directive and tried to reach for me again.

I realized then, that my former boyfriend was as incredibly stupid as I was drunk.

“Obviously your life doesn’t either, you ignorant prick.”  Neil blocked Denny’s attempted grab for me, stopping him cold.  “You’re not a very good listener, Tompkins.  I told you she doesn’t want to talk to you anymore.  Get.  Lost.”

As Denny and Neil squared off, a wave of nausea so overpowering took hold of me, and I knew I’d be hideously sick.  I clamped a hand over my mouth and slammed myself toward the loo, so incredibly grateful the door wasn’t very far away from the bar.  Both men let me go.

Thank God for the little blessings.

4

As I heaved over the toilet, expelling all the wine and happy-hour veggies I’d consumed while drowning my sorrows, I pined over my pathetic love life.  How utterly revolting, wretched, and pitiful was I.  A guy who cheated, and one who saw me only as a little sister.  Fuck my life.

Once I was done puking, I made my way to the sink, where I leaned on it with both hands, panting into the mirror, and gathering the strength to splash some water on my face.  Neil beat on the door, and barged in a second later looking fairly dangerous.  In contrast to me looking like shit.

The scowl on his face told me he was not in the least bit happy with me.  But despite his opinions, he didn’t lecture or fuss; he just pulled out some towels, wet them, and pressed the wad to my face.  “Hold that to your head.  I’ll be right back.”

“Denny?” I asked weakly from behind the towel.

“Gone.  That fuckin’ twat won’t be bothering you again.”  I heard his heavy footsteps retreat and then the door of the loo shut with a click.