“We want to see Val,” Matthew whined.

“They won't let you, and it's late, Matt.” His father was gentle but firm. “You'll see her tomorrow, if it's allowed.”

“I want to see her tonight.” Peter led him outside and Pam followed with a last look at the others, and when Peter returned Val had just woken up and was back in her room, but she was too groggy to understand what they said to her. She just smiled and drifted off and when she saw Mark, she reached for his hand and whispered, “I'm sorry … I …” And then she went back to sleep, and an hour later they all left and went back to the condo. It was almost midnight and everyone was exhausted.

Mel kissed Jessie good night and held her close for a long moment before she went to bed, and Jessica looked at her mother with sad eyes. “I'm sorry I said what I did.”

“Maybe some of it was true. Maybe I have been too busy with the others.”

“There are a lot of us now, and there's a lot on you. I know that, Mom …” Her voice drifted off, remembering another time, another place … when they didn't have to share her quite as much as they did now.

“That's no excuse, Jess. I'll try to do better from now on.” But how much better could she do? How many more hours were there in a day? How could she give each one what they needed, do her job, and even have time to breathe? She was a mother of five now, and the wife of an illustrious surgeon, not to mention coanchor-woman on a TV news show. It barely left her time to breathe. And her daughter had accused her of being more interested in her stepchildren than in her own. Maybe she was trying too hard to please them all. She kissed Mark good night too, and then fell into bed with Peter, but as tired as she was, she couldn't sleep. She lay awake for hours thinking of what Jess had said, and of Val lying in the snow covered with blood. Peter felt her shudder beside him.

“I'll never forgive myself for not knowing what was going on.”

“You can't know everything, Mel. They're almost grown-up people now.”

“That's not what you said today. You said they were as grown up as Matthew.”

“Maybe I was wrong.” It had shocked him to realize that his son had almost had a baby. But Mark had turned eighteen in August. In truth, he was a man. “I know they're young, and they're too young to be doing what they are, making love, and getting pregnant and having abortions, but it happens, Mel.” He sat up on one elbow and looked down at his wife. “They tried to work it out, you have to give them credit for that.” She wasn't ready to give them credit for a damn thing, nor herself.

“Some of what Jessie said was true, you know. I've been so involved with you, and Pam and Matthew, I haven't had much time for them.”

“You have five children now, and a job, and a bigger house to run, and me. Just how much can you expect of yourself, Mel?”

“More, I guess.” But she was exhausted at the thought.

“How much more can you do?”

“I don't know. But apparently I'm not doing enough, or this would never have happpened to Val. I should have seen what was going on. I should have known, without being told.”

“What do you want to do? Play policeman? Give up your job, so you can drive car pools?”

It wasn't a very appealing thought, and they both knew it, but a little while later Mel answered in a small voice. “That's what Anne did though, isn't it?”

“Yes, but you and she are different women, Mel. And I don't think she ever really felt fulfilled, if you want to know the truth. The difference is that you do. It makes you a happier person.” It was a nice thing to have said, and she turned to him with a smile as they lay in the dark, with only the moonlight outside, casting soft shadows on them.

“You know, you make me feel better, Peter. About a lot of things. Most of all myself.”

“I hope I do. You make me feel better about me. I always feel that you respect what I do.” He took a deep breath. “Anne never really approved of what I did.” He looked at Mel with a small smile. “She thought transplants were disgusting and wrong. Her mother had been a Christian Scientist, and she always had a basic distrust of the medical profession.”

“That must have been hard on you.” He had never told her before, and she was intrigued by the information.

“It was. I never fully felt I had her approval.”

“You have mine, you know, Peter.”

“I know that. And it means a lot to me. I think that was one of the first things I liked about you. I respected you, and I could feel that you respected me.” He smiled and kissed the tip of her nose. “And then I fell in love with your sexy legs and great ass, and here we are.”

She laughed softly in the darkness, amazed at how strange life was at times. Only hours before she had been hysterical, sure that she was about to lose her daughter, and now they were lying in the dark exchanging confidences and talking. But she realized something that she hadn't been aware of before. She and Peter had become friends over the past few months, best friends, and she had never been as close to anyone, woman or man. He had broken through the walls she had built over the years, and she hadn't even noticed. “I love you, Peter Hallam, much, much more than you know.” And with that, she yawned, and fell asleep in his arms, and when he looked down at her, he saw that she was smiling.





CHAPTER 29

Val seemed in pretty good shape mentally as well. She felt terrible about having done away with an unborn child, but she had decided that having a baby at sixteen would have ruined her life and Mel couldn't disagree with her. It would have changed her whole life, and forced her into a lasting relationship with Mark, which may not have been what she would want later. She had admitted to her mother that she was ready to let go of him for a while, and see other boys. The intensity of their relationship scared her, and she didn't want the same thing to happen again. Mel was pleased with her conclusions, and maybe it had been a costly lesson that would serve her well for the rest of her life. She would never be cavalier about birth control, or getting involved in a sexual relationship without giving it serious thought. But Mel was sorry that she had to go through such misery. She had described the abortion to Mel, and Mel was astounded by her courage, and she told her as much.